What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

~ So what do they do with all the skin they cut off when a male baby is circumcised ??? ~

~ They sell it to gay guys as chewing gum ~

[Juniper]

Why did very few blacks survive the Zombie Apocalypse in the show “The Walking Dead?”

(Some Answers)

1. It’s impossible to quickly get your running shoes untangled from the telephone lines above the housing complex.

2. Zombies look like crack addicts… just assumed business was picking up.

3. Thought the Zombies were security guards following them through the store again.

4. Running without a belt… pants fall, you trip, you're dead.

5. Can’t buy ammunition with food stamps.

6. Chose to wait for “the government” to help.

7. With no “po-po” in sight, thought it was an excellent time to loot the electronic store for a Big Screen HD Television.

8. Decided to pick up some KFC for the road.

9. Had to swim to safety… gold chains weigh you down.

10. Mistook a Zombie for a drunken white girl when taking a quick “rape-break”.

11. Had to pass through rival gang territory to get to safety.

12. Time ran out after calling out LaShaquinbeyontaetae’s name… (Didn’t know where the other 10 kids were)

13. It’s “HARD WORK” to continue to survive after you have just out-run your entire family of baby mamas and kids.

14. Carjacking a getaway vehicle is difficult when the driver smiles and speeds up when they see you in the middle of the road.

15. No one left to deliver meals in prison.

16. Target practice.

[Juniper]

Not sick, but don't wanna get flamed in the other thread

Why is Obama always surrounded by bulletproof glass!!!

Just cause he's a black guy, doesn't mean he is gonna shoot anyone...

[Juniper]

Unstuck- don't know why but thought of you when I saw this.


From The Jailhouse


Q: How do you find out how strong a virgin is?
A: By how many men it takes to hold him down.

Q: How do you know someone's a virgin?
A: By how loud he screams when you penetrate him.

Q: How do you gauge a man's machismo?
A: By how loud a virgin screams when he penetrates him.

[Paul in NZ]

In an a Irish Courtroom, the judge says to a double-homicide defendant

"You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer”.

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your

mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom.....

“Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with

contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for 15 years I've lived next door to that asshole, and every time I asked to

borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"

[Juniper]

Whats the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

THE TASTE.......

[Smifffy]

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing.” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few more strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”

“No problem!” says the barber “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”

[Juniper]

A young lady goes to the Doctors.
Young Lady. "Doctor you have to help me. Everytime I sneeze I orgasm."
Doctor. "What are you taking for it?"
Young Lady, "Pepper".

[Crasherfromwayback]

And a little boy waits...

So anyway...

A woman has a nasty crash in her car, and sustains a really serious head injury. The place her in a coma and call hubby to come quick, as they're not sure she'll make it. He gets bthere asap, and they fill him in on the prognosis. He stays with her all night and all through the next day. He does this every day for two weeks. They try to bring her out of her coma to check for perm brain injury and to do some tests...but unfortunately she won't wake.

So for the next month they try to wake her, whilst all the while it's looking more and more like she's brain dead. Finally hubby decides he should go home and get some proper rest...and asks the hospital to ring him right away if there's any change in her. Well one night...whilst the nurse is giving her a bed bath...as she washes her vagina...she's sure she noticed the woman respond in a very subtle fashion. Obviously she doesn't want to get too carried away...ethics and all that. So they ring hubby and tell him to come down right away.

When he gets there...the Dr informs him of the nurses findings and takes him to a private room for a chat. He says "I know this may sound strange Mr Smith, but I'd like you to have oral sex with your wife. I think it may bring her out of her coma!"

The guy obviously thinks this is pretty fucking odd...but as he loves his wife so he'll do anything to bring her back! So the medical staff all leave the cubicle...and dim the lights for them.

After a few minutes the womans alarm is going off and she's flat lining!!!

THe DR's and nurses rush back in to see what's going on...and ask him what the hell happened!?

He says...well obviously I'm no medical expert...

















But I think she choked on my cock!

[Juniper]

yeah i had an accident i ran into the back of this suv. the guy gets out and i see hes a midget. he storms over & says "i'm not happy " i said " well which one are you" oops !

[Juniper]

And what about the alcoholic lesbian who got so drunk she couldn't hold her licker?

[Juniper]

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

Ha! And you promised you'd never forget!

[Juniper]

Two Muslim mothers are comparing notes. The older of the Muslim mothers pulls out her bag and starts flipping through family photos and reminiscing. "This is my oldest son, Mohamed. He would have been 24 now." The other Mom replies, "I remember him as a baby." The first mother says, "He's a martyr now. "Oh, that's so sad, my dear." Then the first mother flips to another picture. "And this is my second son, Abdul. He would be 21. "Oh I remember him. He had such curly hair when he was born." The first mother sighs, "He's also a martyr. "Oh gracious me!", says the second mother. "And this is my third son ... my beautiful Ahmed! He would have been 18 this year." "Yes ...", says her friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He's also a martyr.", the first mother says. She sobs. Her eyes now fill with tears. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photos, gently lays her hand on the first woman's shoulder and says,"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

[Juniper]

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office.
After the exam, she shyly said “My husband wants me to ask you…,” to which the doctor replies, “I know, I know,” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.”I get asked that all the time. Making love is fine until late in the pregnancy.”
“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

[Juniper]

So Hymie and Louie are two school friends. They just happen to share the same brithday. They both turn ten over the weekend and on the Monday morning, at school, they show each other what they got as presents. Hymie got a brand new, multi-function watch that does everything including tell the time. Louie gets a hand gun, small enough to fit in his coat pocket. They lament that they are not totally happy with their presents and decide to swap. Louie goes home, after school, and shows his
Father that he swapped his gun for a watch. His Father is very angry and chastises
Louie accordingly and says to him. "Louie, my Son, when I buy you a present, I do it with a lot of thought and consideration for your future. You will get married one day to a beautiful woman. You will go to work and look after her and your children. One day you will come home early from work and find your lovely wife in bed with another man. What are you gonna do? Ask him how long he is gonna be?"