Originally Posted by
CADanimal
Vote for me and I'll change the cage licensing laws as follows...
Learners licence at 18, and not a fucking minute earlier. No bullshit excuses about working nightshift and living in the boondocks. You should be at home doing your homework because you're still at school getting an education! Living in the boondocks is no excuse either. Just get your pushbike out of the shed two hours earlier in the morning. As an 18 year-old learner, you're limited to driving a cage with a maximum capacity of 1100cc, no tiny penis compensation exhaust, turbo, abs, ayc, xyz, pms, no nothing. Just basic transportation, and no CD player, radio or anything else to distract you. Your curfue starts at 8:00pm and you're to stay the fuck indoors until 7:00am. Break your curfue, lose your license for six months. Do it again, lose your licence for 12 months. A third time, lose your car, you fucking retard! You never drive alone, and you only get to drive with one passenger, who has to be fully licensed and at least 26 years old. If you don't like it, emigrate to the third-world shithole of your own choosing.
At 19, you can get your full licence. Congratulations, your curfue is now a very generous 10pm and you can drive alone or carry passengers, but at least one of them has to be fully licensed and a minimum of 26 years old. You are now allowed to drive a car with a maximum capacity of 1300cc. Again, no tiny penis compensation exhaust, no turbo, CD player or alphabet soup performance shit. Since you are now expected to be engaged in tertiary studies, this curfue allows you plenty of time to spend in the campus library doing research, but you still need your sleep so you need to be home by 10pm and indoors until 7:00am. Break your curfue, lose your license for six months. Do it again, lose your licence for 12 months. A third time, lose your car, you fucking retard! And since you cant get to lectures, you'll fail, so don't bloody take the risk. If you don't like it, emigrate to the third-world shithole of your own choosing.
At 20, things are looking up for you. You're in your second year of tertiary study and you can now drive a car with a whopping 1500cc engine. Sucks to be you, but no tiny penis compensation exhaust, no turbo, or any of that other shit you're not used to having so you won't miss it anyway. Massive independence now, a midnight curfue! Stay the fuck indoors until 7:00am though! If you carry passengers, same again - one has to be at least 26 and full licensed. Break your curfue, lose your license for six months. Do it again, lose your licence for 12 months. A third time, lose your car, you fucking retard! And you'll fail yet again, so don't bloody take the risk. Once again, if you don't like it, emigrate to the third-world shithole of your own choosing.
At 21, the world is your oyster. You can now have the choice of an 1800cc car without all the performance shit, or an 1100cc car with all the performance shit and acronyms you like, you lucky bastard! You're now in your third year of your studies and we're so proud of you that we've set your curfue at 2:00am. Same rules again for passengers, curfues, failing and buggering off to anywhereyoufuckinglike if you're unhappy with the law.
At 22, well, life is good. Your education is almost complete, your curfue is now an amazingly generous 4:00am to 7:00am and you can drive a 2000cc car without all the performance groceries or a 1300cc car with all that shit. You're now mature and educated enough to choose wisely, so don't fuck it up. Same rules about passengers, curfues and fucking off, which you're likely to do anyway because you deserve your OE. Don't rush to come back, mind. Take your time and make the most of your trip. Your parents will be thrilled to have your free-loading arse off their hands anyway.
At 23, you can drive a 2500cc car without any performance shit, your curfue only runs between 6:00am and 7:00am, and if you want a 1500cc car with any of the stuff you've been so sadly deprived of, you go for it! Now that your balls have dropped and you've survived your tertiary studies, you're probably mature and sensible enough not to want any of that penis compensation bullshit anyway. We're immensely proud of you, and since you now no longer need a licensed passenger at all, you can drive to the airport and buy that ticket to Heathrow!
Scumdog et al will have the authority to shoot cunts that try to run away on sight, and have absolute and unlimited authority to pull over drivers under 26 years old to check on age, licenses, exhausts, passengers, curfues or fucking fluffy toys and shit hanging from mirrors. In conclusion, I don't give a flying fuck either way because I have the interests of the motoring public at heart.
The Right Honourable (and slightly inebriated right now) CADanimal
Disclaimer: Pisstake
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