mum - job description

[Number One]

If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!

POSITION : Mother, Mum, Mama, Mommy, Ma


JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.


RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs a couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.



WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent
raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only
do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if
you play your cards right.

Thankgoodness I hadn't read this prior to having my boy...cos I consider him the best thing I've ever produced and wouldn't be without him!

[deanohit]

Bwahahaha, I passed this onto my mum and eagerly await the reply. =)

[James Deuce]

Yeah, yeah, Mum's are heroes and Dad's are child molesting, wife beating losers. We get it.

[Number One]

Yeah, yeah, Mum's are heroes and Dad's are child molesting, wife beating losers. We get it.

Settle down Jim that ain't the message at all...as a MUM I just haven't been provided with any 'celebrating dads' messages to post - but feel free to add some yourself if you feel that the Dads out there will be upset for being left out.

[James Deuce]

as a MUM I just haven't been provided with any 'celebrating dads' messages to post

There aren't any.

[007XX]

Settle down Jim that ain't the message at all...

Don't worry about him, he's just in need of a great big hug...(or trying to push your buttons, which is more likely...)

[Number One]

There aren't any.

Bet ya a million bucks there are.....I'll have one up before end of day...Dads are fab tooo! My hubbie is a fantastic dad and his boy loves him and I love him more and more each day because of how fabbo a dad he is.

[James Deuce]

Bet ya a million bucks there are.....I'll have one up before end of day...Dads are fab tooo! My hubbie is a fantastic dad and his boy loves him and I love him more and more each day because of how fabbo a dad he is.

If it originates from NZ I'll buy you a beer. I'm just pissy in general I wasn't trying to cause you personal offense.

These posts just grate is all. I was watching something on telly about an ex-WW1 German Prisoner of war who elected to stay in NZ after the ware in in his late 80s early 90s used to pick neighbourhood kids up in his car and take them to the park and play with them to give the Mums a break and because he enjoyed kids. He had a tremendous stash of cash in his house and was murdered for it.

If I picked up the neighbourhood kids today and took them to the park I'd be in custody in a matter of hours.

Men aren't valued in NZ. Prostate Cancer kills far more of us than breast cancer kills women, but no one gives a shit, especially in "official health" circles. I've been continually told that I'm not welcome in ante-natal classes, the birthing process is none of my business, we don't like men at kindergarten because they are too challenging and set up competitive play, we'd rather talk to Mum as we're more likely to get a concession from her, special needs environments need to be calm and we do things this way because it works best for the female work force. blah blah blah.

There are a million "inspirational epithets" about Mum circling all over the place. Dads are supposed to STFU, HTFU, apologise for a couple of centuries of oppressing females (you "guys" seem to forget that prior to American and French revolution the majority of men didn't have the vote either and weren't allowed to own businesses or land) like we actively set out to do that despite being born into a different culture to the one we're supposed to all subscribe to and most of all never complain that we feel undervalued because that would be soft-cock in the extreme.

You don't want us teaching, in business, in the Police, in the Armed Forces, in politics, in health care, but you'll happily whinge at us to open a jam jar or make the computer do what it's supposed to. Oh, and you need to earn more money, work harder, spend more time with the kids and do more chores around the house. Never, ever advocate for your children. That just means you're trying to maintain the entrenched patriarchal attitudes prevalent in society, or molesting them, or beating them.

[Number One]

I hear you...and think it is pretty sad that things have gone too far in one the one direction....the higher suicide rate of men is I think a reflection of some of this too.

I do wonder how much of this is because you fellas don't stand up for yourselves or express things as openly as women though - support groups for men...they are out there and there are quite a few that I am aware of but they are not as well 'membered' as the womens groups are. Seems to me that too many men are just quietly resentful. Rise up, rise up maybe?

And as the mum of a boy with special needs I have a major concern about the lack of positive male rolemodels and how geared to girls things seem to be too but as someone who has had 'trouble with 'bad men'' I have to admit also that I'm rather protective and more suss about men I don't know than I am of women I don't know...it's double standard I know as women are as capable of dodgy stuff as men are but you don't hear so many stories about dodgy women do you? I should point out I wouldn't trust my boy to anyone I don't know BUT NOR would I ostrisize a man...I'll admit I was one of the only women in the coffee group who used to sit and chat with the one lonely dad...and that was sad!

I recognise there are crap dads AND MUMs out there but I do also feel that men are getting a raw deal, can't win no matter what they do and that things need to shift into the middle ground again...but how does this happen as society does seem to have a seriously bad mental model.

[007XX]

Men aren't valued in NZ. Prostate Cancer kills far more of us than breast cancer kills women, but no one gives a shit, especially in "official health" circles. I've been continually told that I'm not welcome in ante-natal classes, the birthing process is none of my business, we don't like men at kindergarten because they are too challenging and set up competitive play, we'd rather talk to Mum as we're more likely to get a concession from her, special needs environments need to be calm and we do things this way because it works best for the female work force. blah blah blah.

.

In one word, and I'm not sorry if I offend anyone: F*&k that!!!

A man and a woman are meant to be a team in their parenting role. Should you be in any way made to feel unwelcome to a birthing unit, kindergarten, ante-natal classes (which btw I think are BS), I feel you should be entitled to creating a bloody uproar about it That is complete and utter nonsense!!!

Should I ever get pregnant again, and anyone telling my husband that he cannot be beside me in any of these events, they will certainly get the response of the nastiest bitch on this surface of the planet.

Jim2, I understand where you are coming from, and I agree that the feminist movement in NZ has gotten out of hand, and quite honnestly sometimes, I am wondering where it is all going to lead us to.

But not all women are like that, so just keep a side of your opinion open for those of us who are not stereotypical (I bet you that would apply to a lot of the ladies on KB).

[ManDownUnder]

There are a million "inspirational epithets" about Mum circling all over the place. Dads are supposed to STFU, HTFU, apologise for a couple of centuries of oppressing females ...etc...

Hey Jim - I hear it, live with it, see much of it and I can disagree with it but mostly only at an academic level - but this ain't the place for it man.

But not all women are like that, so just keep a side of your opinion open for those of us who are not stereotypical (I bet you that would apply to a lot of the ladies on KB).

Now that's something I will attest to.

[devnull]

Excellent... just sent that to my wife

Have a read of this guy's article on the piss poor society we have
http://www.city-journal.org/html/14_4_oh_to_be.html

Though it's written about the UK, it parallels NZ

[MSTRS:Me]

- support groups for men...they are out there and there are quite a few that I am aware of but they are not as well 'membered' as the womens groups are. Seems to me that too many men are just quietly resentful. Rise up, rise up maybe?

Ain't that the truth...
It's cos men no longer dare to beat their chests and proclaim themselves the 'head of the house', and when we try, we are accused of being Neanderthals only one generation out of the cave.
If we 'rise up', we are incipient rapists. If we speak up, we are trying to turn the clock back. We are second-class citizens now.
Do we really have to go through the same shit as women did for so long, and the stuff they did to get out from under?
Nothing will be fair or equitable until it is recognised that men and women are not equal. Nature has seen to that.
Legislation etc won't change that. Nurture won't change that.
Normal service will not resume until women accept that their role is to nurture and men's is to provide the means to do that.

[Grahameeboy]

Well I must of missed out somewhere.......

My ex never cooked, even when Nats was born. I did her ironing and when Nats was young I got out of bed, took Nats to Mum for feeding and took back to bed afterwards.

We are out there but sadly society is still very much about the mother comes first so have had heaps of trubs getting health providers to recognise that I exist even though they know I have equal shared custody....you feel like a trouble maker but I don't let that bother me and I guess that is where a lot of Dad's drop back from things.

I would never join a mens group because they are too anti stuff.

The only one who can fight battles is me.........

[Grahameeboy]

Ain't that the truth...
It's cos men no longer dare to beat their chests and proclaim themselves the 'head of the house', and when we try, we are accused of being Neanderthals only one generation out of the cave.
If we 'rise up', we are incipient rapists. If we speak up, we are trying to turn the clock back. We are second-class citizens now.
Do we really have to go through the same shit as women did for so long, and the stuff they did to get out from under?
Nothing will be fair or equitable until it is recognised that men and women are not equal. Nature has seen to that.
Legislation etc won't change that. Nurture won't change that.
Normal service will not resume until women accept that their role is to nurture and men's is to provide the means to do that.

Are you beating your chest again?