Balancing riding with family? (or TonyB finally does the right thing)

**cruza** · 4th December 2007, 10:20

**beyond** · 4th December 2007, 17:33

I think if we were all very honest that every one of us with a partner or kids could say they feel guilty.

I work hard all week and work every second Saturday morning and find personal time very limited. The highlight of my day is coming home to my missus and I enjoy spending time with her. BUT I thrive on a good blast and get real crappy if I don't get out on the bike for a few hours once a week at least.

BUT, that takes time away from the missus and daughter who is still at home and yes I feel as guilty as hell each time I ride off, especially on a Coro loop with others. Though the ride can be done in just over three hours on your own or with another likeminded rider, when in a group of any size it takes a good six or seven hours and the days gone, leaving an upset missus.

Is it fair? I feel stink about it. Then theirs the fact that a bigger bike costs heaps to keep on the road and that's money taken away from other things and sometimes makes for a very tight budget when it's service and tyre time.

I enjoy a fast squirt so there's the risk element. I can't afford to lose my licence or get injured which may cost my job and we all know the high risk involved in Motorcycling even when we ride well, it's the 'others" that usually cause the accidents.

Right now I am torn between selling the bike and giving it up or trying to hang on to it. Common sense, time away from the missus and budgets tell me I need to sell. My heart and desire and enjoyment of riding tells me to keep it. What is a man to do? I love riding.......

Good thread Tony, I feel where you are coming from.

**TonyB** · 17th December 2007, 06:05

Great post Beyond- its a bugger having a conscience eh... Reading between the lines, it looks like all you need to do is avoid group rides most of the time. Like you say, it takes AGES longer to do a group ride because of all the shagging about.

Well the bike is now officially unobtainable. I bought a Mission MDK sit on kayak last week- that'll make the pile of pressies under the tree look pretty mint. BUT despite the fact that I had the thing shoved way under the house round the back, my 4 year old son Zach found it:
"Daddy daddy!! Come and look at the boat under the house!! Its cooooool- its got a paddle and its orange and its haaaaarrrrd!!!"
"Ummmmm.....yeah I know. The old owner of the house left it there by mistake. Its broken and needs to go to the dump"
"OK"....crisis averted!

Then on Saturday after I discovered that CAMs weren't allowing Moderns or BEARS to race, I went out and got a new board and wettie (retail therapy). Then my surf guru insisted that I take the new gear out and try it. So we went out to Scarborough and I managed to stand up a couple of times

. The whole family went back again on Sunday and I gave my daughter Lexie a few rides in the white water....she found it a bit scary but loved it all the same. I can see this summer is gonna be awesome

**Colapop** · 17th December 2007, 06:59

I won't post a long rambling reply as I'm prone to at times, other than to say that priorities change. My kids are 13 & 17 now and I put motorcycling and other interests aside for what feels like 20 years already. In the last 18 months - 2 years I've been "getting myself back". I bought myself a bike (which was described as being selfish by the wife) and have really enjoyed riding again despite having had a couple of off's. We don't do the things we once did as a family, it's getting harder to get everyone in the same place, but we still spend time together having a laugh etc.

Guilty? I do sorta feel guilty, but not about riding. Nor about the money that I've spent recently on my bike (new springs and rear shock). I feel guilty about the freedom I now have. I know that I'm not taking myself away from family activities as such (no-one is there to do them) but I am enjoying myself without them. I suppose I have to feel guilty about that. When you work for so long ensuring that you making everyone around you happy, do the right thing and pay for all manner of things (sucking up any spare cash) spending any time or money on yourself makes you feel guilty.

Priorities change though. My kids are seemingly well formed people thus far, they're fairly independent, and my wife is quite happy doing her thing. So I have a bit more time and money to spend on myself now. I really enjoy riding and have met some people through biking that I know I can call friends. Maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty? I work hard, I get the things done that I need to get done, so I should be able to spend something on myself and not feel guilty...

I wasn't going to ramble (though I have) so I'll stop now.
The last thing I'll say is that it's true - they are only young once. Good people come from good parents and good parents make sacrifices to spend time and effort on their kids ensuring that they know they're loved. I'm pretty sure your kids will look back and tell stories of the times they've spent with you, just being loved. Good on ya Tony.

**TonyB** · 18th December 2007, 08:58

Originally Posted by Colapop

I wasn't going to ramble (though I have) so I'll stop now.
The last thing I'll say is that it's true - they are only young once. Good people come from good parents and good parents make sacrifices to spend time and effort on their kids ensuring that they know they're loved. I'm pretty sure your kids will look back and tell stories of the times they've spent with you, just being loved. Good on ya Tony.

Nothing wrong with rambling when its that good...though that last paragraph should come with a NWS warning

**ManDownUnder** · 18th December 2007, 09:03

TonyB - show her the opening post to this thread.

You're a good man. You need to tell her your wants and needs and she needs to listen and accommodate where reasonable... but...

She also needs to tell you her wants and needs... and you need to listen and accommodate where reasonable. That's no commentary on what you're doing or not doing, just speaking from personal experience.

Live life mate - it's the only one you've got.

**007XX** · 18th December 2007, 09:15

I just want to hug everyone right now...this thread is definitely NWS!

TonyB, you already know my opinion, so I won't go on again.

Just know this: It gets better as they grow old, it gets slightly easier as they can join in on the fun.

Your passions of today will inspire them into their future passions...Never loose sight of the fact you are their role model, and consciously decide what you believe will guide them and benefit them...

Do not see it as a weight , but as a privilege and it will be your strength rather than your guilt. Quite often, it is simply in your perception of the situation that lies the answer to your question.

You are a good father, and I am sure, also a good husband .

**TonyB** · 18th December 2007, 20:41

Originally Posted by 007XX

You are a good father, and I am sure, also a good husband .

Another NWS post...thankfully i finally got the internet working at home again!

Actually I think I'm average to crap at both...its not for lack of trying though!

**007XX** · 19th December 2007, 08:15

Originally Posted by TonyB

Another NWS post...thankfully i finally got the internet working at home again!

Actually I think I'm average to crap at both...its not for lack of trying though!

I said you are a good father...now, stop arguing or there will be some serious repercussions, young man!!!!

Seriously though, I have already told you that the fact you give a crap about whether you're a good parent or not makes you a cut above the rest...I stand by that very strongly.

If ,before doing something which might affect your family, you stop and take them into consideration in your choice, then you are half way there...

We all feel like we could do better for our children. My son is ADHD, and I sometimes feel absolutely rotten (read cry at night) I cannot afford to put him in a private school, or pay for some tuition which would help so much in his schooling...when I'm still paying my bike off. Don't get me wrong, he is not struggling as per say at school, but he could be better.

My bike is my only toy, the only thing that is for me. And if I didn't have it, then my son couldn't pillion behind his stepdad (007XY) and come to the bike trips he loves so very much.

So, to compensate for my lack of funds in tuition, I spend extra time with him, helping him with his homework. And I pray that I can do a good enough job.

007XY always tells me I'm a good mum, but you have no idea how very often I will doubt that, and tell myself I must do more.

So, keep your chin up, you're not alone in how you feel. Take it one day at the time and listen to what your heart is telling you. Love your wife and your children like there is no tomorrow and never loose sight of the fact that your life is better for the mere fact that they are in it with you.

**TonyB** · 19th December 2007, 10:35

Originally Posted by 007XX

I said you are a good father...now, stop arguing or there will be some serious repercussions, young man!!!!

I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband.....

Originally Posted by 007XX

007XY always tells me I'm a good mum, but you have no idea how very often I will doubt that, and tell myself I must do more.

It sounds to me like you are a good mum. Youre trying your best, and looking for ways to do even better, which is more than can be said for a lot of parents.

Anyway, I feel like I've made the right decision, and having people on KB back me up on it is bloody good.....this does NOT mean that you have made a bad call by buying a bike- for a start you and XY go riding together with your son. This is very doifferent from what I was doing. Your sharing it- its a good thing.

**scumdog** · 19th December 2007, 10:48

Of course the downside to all this healthy outdoors crap is that you no longer have an excuse to wear a full-face helmet and hide the old man on your face..

**007XX** · 19th December 2007, 10:54

Originally Posted by TonyB

I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband. I am a bad parent. I am a bad husband.....

.

resisting....urge......to.....take....thread waaayyyyy off topic!

**imdying** · 19th December 2007, 11:32

I made it pretty clear before we got married that bikes came along with me... I've been married 2 years and 2 days now, and I've brought 2 bikes in that time. I haven't told her (and won't

) yet, but I'll road ride less, buy a track day bike, and spend more time building than riding, once we have kids. I've got more life insurance than I know what to do with, so it's not that, but I've seen kids that have raised themselves... and I wouldn't wish that sort of life on anyone.

**TonyB** · 19th December 2007, 13:06

Originally Posted by scumdog

Of course the downside to all this healthy outdoors crap is that you no longer have an excuse to wear a full-face helmet and hide the old man on your face..

True....and the salt and sun will only make it worse....
My Daughter telling me like it is:

Fuck you look old dad