Your IDEAL relationship model - please read first post before responding to poll

**Grahameeboy** · 31st January 2008, 15:51

Originally Posted by ManDownUnder

Can answer that from general observations and conversations with various people as I walk through life.

It comes down to two things:
1) Wanting their youth back. It was fun way back when - I want to know I'm still attractive, I'll pick up someone, I'll pick up lots of people to prove it
2) Relationship with differing libidos where one (low libido) is satisfied with their lot, the other (high libido) isn't, is trapped in a monogomous relationship they don't want to destroy (kids, love their partner... other possible options etc).

They do what they can on the sly and resolve it that way.

Further interesting note on Point 2 are those relationships where the male is the low libido partner. There seems to be a shame in that... being less of a man, not being able to satisfy a woman, living up to stereotyped expectations etc

I have one partner and it is more fun at 45.....

**007XX** · 31st January 2008, 15:52

Originally Posted by Stickchick

Or it could be just that the person that is cheating isn't willing to let go of the comfortable in fear of the new relationship/shag falling apart or isn't what they expected so then they will still have the old and comfortable to fall back on.

Or...

The person is just not satisfied sexually in the marriage, but is not willing to let this destroy the relationship, where kids might usually be involved. And avenues such as therapy and the likes have been explored.

It always amazes me how much people underestimate the actual need for properly satisfying sexual rapport in a marriage.
Surely it's like breathing, isn't it?

**ManDownUnder** · 31st January 2008, 15:52

Originally Posted by Grahameeboy

I have one partner and it is more fun at 45.....

Take it all the way up to 69 and see what happens!

**ManDownUnder** · 31st January 2008, 15:53

Originally Posted by 007XX

Surely it's like breathing, isn't it?

LOL... "fuck yes" seems strangely appropriate right now LOLOL!!!!!

**Maha** · 31st January 2008, 15:56

Originally Posted by jrandom

I've done it myself, and I wish I hadn't.

Originally Posted by jrandom

Fag.

Interesting combination of words, have you thought about the environment in which you live? even your diet could sway your desire to fullfil the inner man.

**jrandom** · 31st January 2008, 15:58

Originally Posted by 007XX

The person is just not satisfied sexually in the marriage, but is not willing to let this destroy the relationship, where kids might usually be involved...

My observation in a handful of cases has been that this justification is usually disingenuous bullshit, and that the relationship eventually gets destroyed regardless, with the added damage of an ongoing deception being uncovered.

Frankly, having a mum and dad who live in different houses never killed a kid. Mine seem to be doing OK, although I'll have to come back to you with an update on that in another ten years time...

Originally Posted by 007XX

It always amazes me how much people underestimate the actual need for properly satisfying sexual rapport in a marriage.

Indeed! I would suggest that in a truly dire case of sexual mismatching, either:

A. The frigid parter would consent to the unsatisfied partner satisfying themselves elsewhere - after all, sex can't be that important, or the frigid one would be more interested in it, right?

or

B. It's a valid and sensible reason for separation.

Either of the above, however, must surely be better than lies and deception.

**007XX** · 31st January 2008, 16:03

Originally Posted by jrandom

My observation in a handful of cases has been that this justification is usually disingenuous bullshit, and that the relationship eventually gets destroyed regardless, with the added damage of an ongoing deception being uncovered.

Frankly, having a mum and dad who live in different houses never killed a kid. Mine seem to be doing OK, although I'll have to come back to you with an update on that in another ten years time...

Indeed! I would suggest that in a truly dire case of sexual mismatching, either:

A. The frigid parter would consent to the unsatisfied partner satisfying themselves elsewhere - after all, sex can't be that important, or the frigid one would be more interested in it, right?

or

B. It's a valid and sensible reason for separation.

Either of the above, however, must surely be better than lies and deception.

A very strong stance on the subject, but I agree mostly with what you're saying.

**Wolf** · 31st January 2008, 16:05

Originally Posted by jrandom

My observation in a handful of cases has been that this justification is usually disingenuous bullshit, and that the relationship eventually gets destroyed regardless, with the added damage of an ongoing deception being uncovered.

Yep. IMO it's better to honestly break off the relationship and be thought of as a prick than to cheat, get caught and be thought of as a cheating and lying prick.

"Dad and mum broke up and now live in separate houses" vs "Dad cheated on mum and lied to us for years before mum found out and kicked him out."

Frankly, I would not have my kids saying the latter...

**jrandom** · 31st January 2008, 16:06

Originally Posted by 007XX

A very strong stance on the subject, but I agree mostly with what you're saying.

And, having said all that, an acquaintance of mine (nothing to do with KB) is in a position very similar to what you describe.

For various reasons, I empathise, and I don't presume to judge him for it.

Life's a complicated bastard, really, isn't it?

**007XX** · 31st January 2008, 16:10

Originally Posted by jrandom

And, having said all that, an acquaintance of mine (nothing to do with KB) is in a position very similar to what you describe.

For various reasons, I empathise, and I don't presume to judge him for it.

Life's a complicated bastard, really, isn't it?

Oh it most definitely is, especially if you have empathy. I often think that being an uncaring b*tch would help, but I very quickly give up the idea

Point is though, life would be boring if it was always straight forward. You just got to keep an eye on the Silver Lining.

**SixPackBack** · 31st January 2008, 16:31

Cheating I would suspect to many people is another time constraint attached to thier busy lives.

Frankly by the time I have visited the gym, worked my ass off, cuddled up to the family, shit-showered and shaved the day is over.

Seriously who has time to cheat?

**Grahameeboy** · 31st January 2008, 16:36

Originally Posted by ManDownUnder

Take it all the way up to 69 and see what happens!

No 96 matey.....................

**ManDownUnder** · 31st January 2008, 16:37

Originally Posted by Grahameeboy

No 96 matey.....................

...Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other...

**Grahameeboy** · 31st January 2008, 16:39

Originally Posted by SixPackBack

Cheating I would suspect to many people is another time constraint attached to thier busy lives.

Frankly by the time I have visited the gym, worked my ass off, cuddled up to the family, shit-showered and shaved the day is over.

Seriously who has time to cheat?

Which home did you go to??