Should I be pissed off?

**ManDownUnder** · 26th February 2008, 09:39

Originally Posted by mudthug

He of course said no, but the reply was "my wife wouldn't like it" .

Was he right?

Originally Posted by mudthug

Not of course he wouldn't like it.

What else didn't you say? I hope you're being consistant with him and hold him accountable for all those things too.

Originally Posted by mudthug

My thoughts are I didn't help my husband get his $40.000 dream bike so that some other person could get on it and enjoy my ride. Your views please.

Honestly, I think you are over-reacting to the whole thing. I can see your point of view and think it's pretty cool of you to be so generous helping hubby get the bike - possibly of his dreams. Underneath it all I think he simply told the truth, and found an "easy out" - i.e. whatever version of the truth that would cause the lease disruption.

If he'd said "I'm not happy with that" then mates general and predicatble response is going to be "aww come on - we (the group) would love her (the wannabe pillion) to come along... go on... etc etc etc". Saying "my wife wouldn't like it" has no such peer pressure/retaliation. She's not here to argue with, so what can the group of friends do? Nothing. Problem dealt with.

I actually respect the guy for saying it. It sounds like the ideal solution to the problem presented, and even if he would have liked it... he put your thoughts and feelings above his own. Remind me how that's a bad thing?

Relax - let him know he's trusted, thank him for what he did, and if you'd prefer him to handle it a different way next time... let him know.

**ManDownUnder** · 26th February 2008, 09:43

Oopsie - 1 more view.

Go riding with hubby more if you can. When the group of friends gets to know you more they'll respect what you like and don't like as well... avoiding similar questions in the future.

It's all good!

**nodrog:Me** · 26th February 2008, 09:44

Originally Posted by mudthug

I am new to this site so not quite sure if I am posting in the right section, but I think it is a female issue. My husband and I jointly bought a Fatboy and as I work away alot he goes on runs by himself with his mates. I have no issues with this. However today he came home and told me his friends who I have met a few times had asked if their friend a female whom I don't know from a bar of soap could jump on the back of our bike and go on this run with them. He of course said no, but the reply was "my wife wouldn't like it" . Not of course he wouldn't like it. He says I'm being stupid I on the other hand are pretty pissed that his friends, so called my friends even asked him that. My thoughts are I didn't help my husband get his $40.000 dream bike so that some other person could get on it and enjoy my ride. Your views please.

i think a divorve is the best option, for both of you.

http://divorce.nzpcs.co.nz/divorce-forum.php

**Grub** · 26th February 2008, 09:45

Frankly, I think you should split up. If this whining and bleating is the way you're going to conduct your relationship, get out before you have kids and they get wrapped up in it. What it's about is irrelevant.

**buellbabe** · 26th February 2008, 11:26

Hey Mudthug heres my 2c for what its worth.
You ask if you should be pissed off?

Well... I try and put myself in yr shoes... and to be honest YEP! I would be jealous as hell...at first... buuuuuuut knowing that my partner is totally my man I would then then probably apologise to my bloke for being so green-eyed and say "sure, why not. I can't go on the ride so if ya wanna take a pillion thats cool".

Perhaps all the other bikes already had pillions and the guys knew yr hubby would have a spare seat?

And lets not forget that he said no...ok so he used your disapproval as the reason but hey! he is a man and the male of the species needs to save face in front of his mates...

Yr man obviously knows you well and respects you.

**Bass** · 26th February 2008, 12:05

Originally Posted by buellbabe

And lets not forget that he said no...ok so he used your disapproval as the reason .

My money is on this being the thing that really gets her knickers in a twist.
I would guess (emphasise GUESS) that he didn't give a toss either way, but declined because he knew that she felt differently. However he also said so and that was the tactically unsound move, regardless of how truthful it was. It makes her look small minded, and him under her thumb.
The domestically harmonious move would have been to decline and say it was exclusively his partner's seat.
This would have made him look good to all the women involved and the guys were unlikely to bug him about it.
Sometimes the world turns on bullshit and half truths.

**buellbabe** · 26th February 2008, 12:16

Bass, yep I think you could be right there.

Ain't hindsight a wonderful thing? LOL

**Number One** · 26th February 2008, 12:58

Originally Posted by Bass

I would guess (emphasise GUESS) that he didn't give a toss either way, but declined because he knew that she felt differently. However he also said so and that was the tactically unsound move, regardless of how truthful it was. It makes her look small minded, and him under her thumb.
The domestically harmonious move would have been to decline and say it was exclusively his partner's seat.
This would have made him look good to all the women involved and the guys were unlikely to bug him about it.
Sometimes the world turns on bullshit and half truths.

sooo true and as a typical Libran I can't decide which side of the fence I belong on so am gonna sit atop and hope that when/if I am in the same position I can maintain some calm...not known for that actually but I'll try (almost) anything once

I saw someone a few pages back said it depends on how you see pillioning..is it just a ride or is it a bonding exercise? (Not sure how OP sees it or even if it has anything to do with that or just the fact that she owns half the bike and so doesn't want anyone else having fun on that seat except her.)

For me when I pillion it is bonding time, I choose to be on the back cos I have my own wheels both 2 and 4...I just love wrapping myself round my man on the back of his bike so the thought of some 'random' chick parking up back there does make me uncomfortable - however I agree that it depends on the context of how it all came about and such. Such as if I knew the chick it wouldn't be such a biggie (unless of course I knew her to be a total skank or I hated the bitch!) , or if she was just totally random and genuinely wanting to try her hand at being on a bike - fine. AND I even let him take Deanohit on the back too!

I think this man did good but is in the shit for being honest about it all (though is he? Isn't Mudhog just venting?) either way I hope this all doesn't put him off being honest again.

Frankly the fact that he took the time to tell me about it, even though it was a total non-event would make me feel ok about it. Must agree though that I wouldn't appreciate being painted as the controlling wife, at the end of the day he was asked to make a decision on the spot...he coulda owned it and the above bullshit and half truth suggestion is absolutely spot on! It's all about the positioning

Well done Mr Mudhog

**avgas** · 26th February 2008, 13:12

Originally Posted by mudthug

I am new to this site so not quite sure if I am posting in the right section, but I think it is a female issue. My husband and I jointly bought a Fatboy and as I work away alot he goes on runs by himself with his mates. I have no issues with this. However today he came home and told me his friends who I have met a few times had asked if their friend a female whom I don't know from a bar of soap could jump on the back of our bike and go on this run with them. He of course said no, but the reply was "my wife wouldn't like it" . Not of course he wouldn't like it. He says I'm being stupid I on the other hand are pretty pissed that his friends, so called my friends even asked him that. My thoughts are I didn't help my husband get his $40.000 dream bike so that some other person could get on it and enjoy my ride. Your views please.

You missed your chance women - if you wont fill the pillion seat someone else will
haha

**Number One** · 26th February 2008, 15:02

You still sitting in this thread Stirts and without any comment...what's got you so interested?

**Stirts** · 26th February 2008, 15:51

Originally Posted by Number One

You still sitting in this thread Stirts and without any comment...what's got you so interested?

Cheekie lil bitch

I actually got interupted with farken WORK!!!! HOW RUDE OF THEM TO EXPECT ME TO DO WORK!!!!!!!!!

Here's my 2c

Originally Posted by Number One

I can't decide which side of the fence I belong on so am gonna sit atop and hope that when/if I am in the same position I can maintain some calm...not known for that actually but I'll try (almost) anything once

Totally agree with you on this one, I have been blinging left right and centre on this thread, on all points of view!

Guess it depends on the circumstances and intentions of parties involved. Pillioning on the bike with my man is bonding for me too. But as a learner I have found pillioning to be a great learning tool also. So I wouldn't have an issue with anyone jumping on the back with my man. And I am happy to pillion with someone else, of course my body position would differ immensely! (Wouldn’t be wrapping my body around anyone but my man).

BUT IF her intentions were to cop a feel and I found this out, well she may very well get a whole lotta hurt coming her way!

Mudthug....Thinking about the 'what ifs' and such is only going to cause you pain and aguish! I would hope that there is some trust there, otherwise you are in for some serious hurting.

I hope like hell your issue is not "if I can't go on the back, no-one can"

**Speedracer** · 26th February 2008, 18:09

The advice in this thread is priceless!!!!

My bet is that no matter what is said in this thread
Wifey is still pissed
Hubby is still confused

and the only way it is going to get resolved is when a new 'crisis' appears

**mudthug** · 26th February 2008, 22:57

Thankyou people I have indeed enjoyed reading your posts

Had quite a few laughs along the way hehehe. When I vent about things its usually over within the hour. My husband and I thought this would be a good post to throw out there and get a few thoughts on the matter, as I thought it would be fairly controversial. And yes it certainly has been an eye opener. I just wonder if I would have got quite the same reaction if I had omitted the fact that it was a female. hehehe.

And yes I think as a new poster perhaps I got it all abit arse about tit.

should I be. (not pissed off in the sense that I'd like to chop their heads off and feed them to the crocs pissed off)

ie Pissed off at friends for asking him to pillion a stranger
Pissed off that he didn't want to take the pillion but used me as excuse
(as he does this quite abit , ie mates want him to go to pub and he doesn't want to go "Ball and chain say's no bro")

LOL

So no I don't think a divorce is on the horizon,

I am fortunate to be in a relationship where i can be honest and say exactly how i feel without the fear of my partner saying" thats it it's over"
I have always been a firm believer that you can't make someone love you they either do or they don't. Lifes too short to make the one you love miserable. Even though it seems sometimes I'm having a good whack at it!!!!!!

From what I can gather:

My husbands reason for not wanting a pillion "just don't want them on the back" this is an acceptable man reason.

My reason for not wanting a pillion "just don't want them on the back" unacceptable must be ulterior motive , obviously selfish, trust issues, marriage obviously in trouble, poor man what a nag!!!!!!!!!!

Good on ya's this has been great!!!!!

**alley cat** · 27th February 2008, 07:20

When it comes to sharing you bike, the more you share, the more you will recieve. Surely you would enjoy being pillion on someone elses bike just for a laugh.
As for the man, trust them to do whats rite. They arnt as stupid as they look most of the time

**nodrog:Me** · 27th February 2008, 12:29

Originally Posted by Stirts

Cheekie lil bitch

I actually got interupted with farken WORK!!!! HOW RUDE OF THEM TO EXPECT ME TO DO WORK!!!!!!!!!

Here's my 2c

Totally agree with you on this one, I have been blinging left right and centre on this thread, on all points of view!

Guess it depends on the circumstances and intentions of parties involved. Pillioning on the bike with my man is bonding for me too. But as a learner I have found pillioning to be a great learning tool also. So I wouldn't have an issue with anyone jumping on the back with my man. And I am happy to pillion with someone else, of course my body position would differ immensely! (Wouldn’t be wrapping my body around anyone but my man).

BUT IF her intentions were to cop a feel and I found this out, well she may very well get a whole lotta hurt coming her way!

Mudthug....Thinking about the 'what ifs' and such is only going to cause you pain and aguish! I would hope that there is some trust there, otherwise you are in for some serious hurting.

I hope like hell your issue is not "if I can't go on the back, no-one can"

are you pimping me out now?

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