Calling all bullshit artists!

**ManDownUnder** · 3rd March 2008, 13:31

A broken window just as you were shutting the front door! The glazier is on his way and the house security is a worry.

**Sully60** · 3rd March 2008, 13:32

When I saw you yesterday Hel's I was sure you looked like you were coming down with a case of anal glaucoma.

I was sure you wouldn't be able see your arse coming into work today!

**007XX** · 3rd March 2008, 13:33

Originally Posted by ManDownUnder

A broken window just as you were shutting the front door! The glazier is on his way and the house security is a worry.

Bugger off, I already said that...well, kinda!

**Str8 Jacket** · 3rd March 2008, 13:34

Originally Posted by Sully60

When I saw you yesterday Hel's I was sure you looked like you were coming down with a case of anal glaucoma.

I was sure you wouldn't be able see your arse coming into work today!

Is that a flash term for constipation? Do you think it'll happen again next Tues morn?...

**Str8 Jacket** · 3rd March 2008, 13:35

Originally Posted by 007XX

Bugger off, I already said that...well, kinda!

For goodness sake you two, dont make me seperate you both!

So far im liking the flooding and broken window suggestions.... I am wondering how I couldnt come up with that myself though! I knew you lot could help me out!

**Sully60** · 3rd March 2008, 13:40

Originally Posted by Str8 Jacket

Is that a flash term for constipation? Do you think it'll happen again next Tues morn?...

I might have to give you a Doctors Certificate for that one.

Do you'll think they'll accept one from Dr 60, B.D. (Bucket Doctor) from NWMSBF Clinic?

Anal Glaucoma is a serious illness, the loss of productivity on Monday mornings is costing this country millions, as you work for a govt dept you could earn yourself serious brownie points by bringing this terrible affliction to your employers attention.

**Str8 Jacket** · 3rd March 2008, 13:43

Originally Posted by Sully60

I might have to give you a Doctors Certificate for that one.

Do you'll think they'll accept one from Dr 60, B.D. (Bucket Doctor) from NWMSBF Clinic?

Anal Glaucoma is a serious illness, the loss of productivity on Monday mornings is costing this country millions, as you work for a govt dept you could earn yourself serious brownie points by bringing this terrible affliction to your employers attention.

LMFAO! Actually funny you say that.. I left the Min of Justice after 5 years and am currently working for a private company but im going for an interview with a different Govt Dept on Tues so I'll be sure to warn them of this illness. Can I give your name as the specialist who deals with this sickness?

**007XX** · 3rd March 2008, 13:44

For goodness sake you two, dont make me seperate you both!

Yes, Ma'am! but he started it...plagiarist!

So far im liking the flooding and broken window suggestions.... I am wondering how I couldnt come up with that myself though! I knew you lot could help me out!

Oh you are most welcome...never hesitate to ask

**Hitcher** · 3rd March 2008, 13:57

Pick one of these...

I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.
My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a cue-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.
I can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and I can't get out.
I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.
Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.
Sorry Boss I can't come into work today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!
There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because DOC has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
My stigmata's acting up.
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hurricanes, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Contact Energy, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly elog (pi) on all the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Crusaders, huh? So I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Meridian Energy, but thank you for calling.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

**Str8 Jacket** · 3rd March 2008, 14:00

Hmmmmm, who the 'eck changed my thread title HMMMMMM?! I didnt ask for it to be changed...... I'd like your excuse please.....

**Macktheknife** · 3rd March 2008, 14:49

I can't come into work today/this morning, and if you make me tell you why I will call my lawyer and sue you for sexual harrassment.

Or you could just apply for LWOP, leave without pay, you are not really required to disclose the reason if it is personal.

**Jimmy B** · 3rd March 2008, 14:51

Give em a call, say you had deadlocks recently fitted and you have inadvertently locked yourself in.

**Disco Dan** · 3rd March 2008, 14:58

Take a Mental Health Day.

Say your having a bit of a 'breakdown' ..your depressed or stressed. Play some weird 'fairy' music in the background during the 'call'.

Some employers require you to be there for 6 months before allowing you to take leave - mental health days can be taken on your first day of work if you really wanted too.

**Conquiztador** · 3rd March 2008, 16:00

U want to take 1/2 day off to go for another job.
And you want your current employer to pay for it.
You have not been in the current job for 6 months so you are not entitled to sick days.
You have already used your accrured holidays and only have a couple of hours owing.
You do not have the imagination to figure out an excuse to tell your current employer.

What a catch...