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Thread: Bread is dangerous - Who'd a thought...

  1. #1
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    Bread is dangerous - Who'd a thought...

    1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
    2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
    3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations
    4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
    5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average Kiwi eats more bread than that in one month!
    6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
    7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
    8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
    9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
    10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
    11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
    12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

    In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions:


    1. No sale of bread to minors
    2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
    3. A 30 percent tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
    4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
    5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

  2. #2
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    30th July 2007 - 16:35
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    I can't figure out if you're talking about cigarettes or junk food.
    One of which I despise, the other I like but have no quarrels with limiting the sale to minors during school hours.

  3. #3
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    Nah, not serious, it's just a parody of how statistics can be drawn to show all sorts of weird things - and its dangerous to draw simple conclusions.

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    Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
    When life throws you a curve ... Lean into it ...

  5. #5
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    Being born is the most dangerous of all. 100 percent of people born are going to die

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by FJRider View Post
    Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
    People are concieved in them as well... does that make then even more dangerous.


    "May the motorcycle god's keep your tyres pumped"

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJim View Post
    Being born is the most dangerous of all. 100 percent of people born are going to die
    And of that 100%... 50% of them die later than we would prefer...
    When life throws you a curve ... Lean into it ...

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    I hope no politicians read this forum or it may happen

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by FJRider View Post
    Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
    Here here...

    Most people are conceived in beds, a sexually transmitted fatal disease in 100% of all cases - no one gets over it, no one escapes the death phase... it kills all...

  10. #10
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    can we please take this seriously. just consider for a moment the statistics we are already creating from joining KB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. #11
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    ahhh hahahahaha My mum sells bread for a job! I'm going to send that to her boss... wonder how he'll take that. Considering they are breaking all the proposed rules

    "Die with Memories, not with Dreams"
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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by fire eyes View Post
    can we please take this seriously. just consider for a moment the statistics we are already creating from joining KB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Statistics show that only 3.72% of people on KB take anything seriously.... seriously.....

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FJRider View Post
    Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
    Hospitals are very dangerous. Look at the statistics of sick and dying people in there!
    Banning them would be a step in the right direction.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  14. #14
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    water is no safer either boys and girls!! 100% mortality rate
    "Rock is dead" - Jim Morrison

    Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel

  15. #15
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    Bikes are one of the least dangerous things hardly any one gets killed by a bike unleash you high side it and the bike is flipping over... or you are run over by your mate behind you cause he was following to close... or... oh wait...

    What about hardly anyone gets killed on a bike... 99.9% of the time they are thrown from it, and it's the sudden stop that gets you killed....

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