When is verbal or physical domestic violence understandable?

[Indoo]

I did lay a complaint with the police and they chose not to lay charges because of reasons listed above.
.

I meant lay a complaint against the Police who attended and how they dealt with it. Its pretty easy to do and will be taken seriously.

[ital916]

Come on this is all a bit twee. At the end of the day the only actions that you can control are your own. Do so. Don't hit people (unless they start it, and FFS never if it's a women), and if you're really getting frustrated/threatened/angry get out.

Oh Im sorry, I must have misread that unless your stating its alright to hit a man but not a woman. Do they have some sort of invulnerability shield or something?

Bottom line is never hit anyone unless in self defence, WOMAN OR MAN. I must be talking upon deaf ears with the idea of gender equality, or maybe I am right in the idea that society is slowly falling victim to the constant prattle of feminists who in reality dont want equality but retalitory inequality.

If a man hits me I shall defend myself, if a woman hits me I shall defend myself. Bottom line.

[Winston001]

nope. public cant lay charges. public lay complaints. it is up to the police to bring the charges.

Not quite. It is possible to take a private prosecution. This happened against Trevor Mallard after he had a fight with Tau Henare in the Parliamentary foyer. http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10483091

However its extremely rare, expensive and often unsuccessful. Not a practical option in your case.

[peasea]

I meant lay a complaint against the Police who attended and how they dealt with it. Its pretty easy to do and will be taken seriously.

A complaint against the police taken seriously??????


Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

WRONG!

[cc rider]

What is wrong with our societies. (rhetorical)

There are consequences to laying complaints. ALot that I didnt realise were there. I am stunned at the position everyone at work has taken but until I find another job I am pretty much fucked. Another driving point to my staying is I am half way through an apprenticeship. Quit and I lose it.

That's so shity, mate. Are Apprenticeships/apprentices protected by any gov't bodies in NZ?

point taken. I do feel lucky really, but my point was I dont think I got lucky by accident. It gets really tough once finances and kids get invloved but no love is unconditional. It is a bit tough if all of a sudden after years of someone treating you a particular way that they find out it is unacceptable.

If you mean "they" as in the abuser - they know it's unacceptable.

[Mikkel]

I don't think you'd want a system whereby the public lay charges and the Police arrest people regardless of the evidence based on someones say so.

Also, it would be nice if people learned to read and understand before they start putting words in anyones mouth.

[rosie631]

Regarding alcohol being an excuse for abuse. My ex used to bash me when he had been drinking. Sober he was fine and repentant. Not just me, when drinking, he was an arguementative prick who used to try and take everyone on. He tried to use alcohol as an excuse. But as far as i'm concerned it was completely controllable. You can't control yourself when you drink? Easy, STOP DRINKING. He wouldn't, so I left.

[Ms Piggy]

How many KBers think that a woman can provoke a man to the point that he bursts into emotional verbal abuse?

All of us are responsible for our own actions and behaviour. The only exception would be children but I'm not really sure at what stage they would become accountable...another issue entirely!

Is that understandable?

No.

Acceptable?

Never.

How about physical abuse?

Nope.

Are there occasions where its justified?

Not ever.

NB - in France until 1970 crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense

NB - homosexuality used to be illegal in New Zealand, it never made the law okay/correct/right.

[alanzs]

What is wrong with our societies. (rhetorical)

Not enough sex?

[Indoo]

A complaint against the police taken seriously??????

Probably just not yours for rather obvious reasons.

[SixPackBack]

If she's not prepared to cook the eggs she deserves a fookin pastin'

Lets face it women would be stacked 10 high at the tip if they didn't have a pussy!

[normajeane]

NB - in France until 1970 crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense

Hey we in udder side of world!!
But that still doesn't give anyone excuse to "snap" and "hitout" at anyone. Unless the recipitent is as big and hairy as you are!! And they can retaliate!! So vwat I am saying is ... it isn't an excuse here??

[normajeane]

Regarding alcohol being an excuse for abuse. My ex used to bash me when he had been drinking. Sober he was fine and repentant. Not just me, when drinking, he was an arguementative prick who used to try and take everyone on. He tried to use alcohol as an excuse. But as far as i'm concerned it was completely controllable. You can't control yourself when you drink? Easy, STOP DRINKING. He wouldn't, so I left.

Did you leave the first time ??? Good on you for getting out though.

[normajeane]

Not quite. It is possible to take a private prosecution.

AND I heard anyone can make a citizen arrest!! Well that is a bit grey but hey, grey is the new beige!!

[ynot slow]

I can still remember a mate who after watching "Once were Warriors" was pissed at a couple of guys 16-18yrs saying hey bro just like home.They thought nothing of dad bashing mum,and he told the idiots so,there reply was what fucken tribe ya belong to?He rattled his ethnic lines to them.

Another mate smacked his dad when his mum got a slap.He was about 13 and hated doing it to his dad(brought up to respect parents etc),turned out his dad thanked him years later after they seperated,his dad reckoned the seperation made him grow up and take stock of his drinking etc.

And the excuse my dad beat us/mum doesn't wash with me,if so my dad and his family would all be bashers,turned out my grandad was beaten as a kid,he(grandad) never hit his kids,if they were told to see dad for punishment he would close the door,whack a piece of leather on the bench and rub the kids hand redish,my auntie always wondered if her mum knew,her mum did(years later).

I know a guy who was told no visiting kids after relationship ended,he would shag anything.but when the shit hit the fan he grew up,never beat her but went bloody close at times during breakup.That type of blackmail is damn hard to let go of for many.

Then also the guy can get years of mental abuse via the ex partner saying crap about him to their kids as well,bit different though that abuse as at least the two aren't in each others face to get violent.