Best comeback line

[chef]

"your mumma"

[MaxB]

Where I work there is a fire door (my short cut to the bike park) with a sign on it that reads:

"Warning this door is ALARMED!"

underneath in the same script someone has written:

"and suffers from anxiety and depression"

[smokeyging]

Some friends and i went to a restaurant for a meal. one of the guys ordered a medium steak. when it arrived the blood was only just starting to run out of it. he took it back to the cook and mentioned that it was still mooing....

[nadroj]

On a similar theme: "Just stood on a frog did ya?"

Naa.... a Mexican barking spider!

[Mikkel]

"You are too stupid to talk to me!"

"Ever tried picking up teeth with broken fingers?"

"Look! A three headed monkey!"

At the end of the day, the best way to make people uncomfortable is simply to ignore them... perhaps coupled with staring insistently into their ear.

My ex g/f looked at me after I had done something she was not impressed with and said: "Jeesus!"

I answered: "Shush, I am under cover!"

Whenever anyone mentions god or jesus during the inevitable groaning following my father pulling puns left and right he always deliver the coup de grace "Oh, just call me Peter..."

Some friends and i went to a restaurant for a meal. one of the guys ordered a medium steak. when it arrived the blood was only just starting to run out of it. he took it back to the cook and mentioned that it was still mooing....

Some people shouldn't be allowed to eat meat.

[tigertim20]

Went to quite a nice restuarant with an old workmate. He ordered the steak, the waitress asked him how he would like it cooked (he likes it quite rare) and without a momment of hesitation, he replied loudly, 'just blow its nose, wipes its arse and bring it to the table"
in the awkward silence that followed as the waitress tried to compute I was stifling my laughter as people turned to look, his expression never changed

[fergie]

in restaurant;; "give me an alligator sandwich,and make it snappy"