Funny bike stories

[flyingcrocodile46]

About 35 years ago I watched a neighbour ride his PE185 up a plank onto the back of his ute. He was very confident so had a good clip on when the front wheel made the tray.

That was when I learned a valuable lesson about the garage door heights. Funny as..
his head getting clobbered by the top of the door opening, forcing him backward while the bike momentum continued forward. His tight grip on the bars helped the front wheel to lift nicely and clear the roof of the cab. Pity about the sump being so low.

The front of the bike looked good stuck up into the ceiling.

[vifferman]

Back in the 70s, when I was still living at home, I often used to wheelie my bike up the drive of my parent's house. One day, I got a bit much throttle on, with the result that as I reached the carport I realised I was going too fast. Dropped the front end, hit the front brake, front washed out on the smooth concrete, and I ended up sliding through the whole length of the carport to not quite stop before I wanged into the wall at the back. No damage done, and no spectators, thank goodness.

So many of my friends/classmates had bikes then, that there were many moments of hilarity, stunts gone wrong, etc. The one I remember best was Dave, one of my classmates whose older brother had a bike. He pestered him to let him have a turn, and eventually, he gave him. His instructions were as follows:
"OK, start it up. Now - pull in the clutch; that lever on the left. Good. Click down on the gear lever to put it into gear. Now, twist the throttle until that needle there is on that red line on the tacho, then let go of the clutch...."
I still don't understand how someone could value his bike so little as to instruct someone to fire it into a fence at full throttle.

My favourite memory is still imprinted in my mind's eye. We were out riding on a huge vacant lot in the city, still undeveloped for housing. My best friend asked to have a go on another friend's Yamaha 90 trail bike. He went screaming down the hill, realised when he got to the bottom that the 90's brakes were weaker than those on his Kawasaki 175, and that the dilapidated 7-wire fence at the bottom was approaching too quickly. He turned the bike, got hard on the brakes, and it highsided. Somehow, he managed to twist his body slightly in the air, and hit the fence flat on, back-first. The fence stretched, catapulted him back the way he came, and he landed on his feet, and bowed to us spectators. I don't think if he'd practised this over and over again he could have repeated the performance! He was completely unhurt.
Blardy classic piece of stunting!

[Grubber]

Not an old one but a fresh one.
Was out for a ride yesterday with a medium sized group of Triumph owners. Stopped at Te Poi pub for a drink. Also there,was a couple of Harleys parked up the front by the veranda.
A couple of us perched ourselves on said veranda with our drinks. Harley owner decides it's time to leave. When he had hopped on bike and pressed starter i couldn't help notice the front light go dim and the sad clicking sound they make when they don't want to start. Funnily enough i have had one of these models myself and have had the very same problem (probably why i own a Triumph now) so i knew exactly what had happened with it.
The funny part was watching the Harley rider push his bike quietly (so he thought) up the road some 50 metres beyond the drive under the cover of the bush front fence where i guess he thought no one had noticed him.
People i was standing on veranda were wondering what i was laughing at....
Wouldn't want any other brand of owner thinking the Harley had broke now would we!
Priceless!!!

[Grubber]

Not an old one but a fresh one.
Was out for a ride yesterday with a medium sized group of Triumph owners. Stopped at Te Poi pub for a drink. Also there,was a couple of Harleys parked up the front by the veranda.
A couple of us perched ourselves on said veranda with our drinks. Harley owner decides it's time to leave. When he had hopped on bike and pressed starter i couldn't help notice the front light go dim and the sad clicking sound they make when they don't want to start. Funnily enough i have had one of these models myself and have had the very same problem (probably why i own a Triumph now) so i knew exactly what had happened with it.
The funny part was watching the Harley rider push his bike quietly (so he thought) up the road some 50 metres beyond the drive under the cover of the bush front fence where i guess he thought no one had noticed him.
People i was standing on veranda were wondering what i was laughing at....
Wouldn't want any other brand of owner thinking the Harley had broke now would we!
Priceless!!!

[Banditbandit]

A very long time ago ... like last century ... actually I can date this because it was the day that crash helmets became compulsory in Godzone .. and I didn't own one ... I think I was about 17 ... I was riding a bright green Suzuki 50 cc (bike version, not the stepthru') around Auckland. The 2-stroke was pretty choked up and in need of a run - the owner was overseas, so I was giving it a warm up ...

I was sitting at the front of a set of traffic lights arond Newmarket somewhere, when I heard a rumble behind me. In my rearview mirror I could see a huge Triumph, a huge guy with a Nazi Helmet, cut-offs and a Grim Reaper T-Shirt - girlfriend on the back.

When the lights went green I opened the throttle wide and dumped the clutch ... at that moment the bike decided to clear itself and blew a huge cloud of smelly blue 2-stroke exhaust all over the road ... As the bike leapt (well, from a 17-year-old inexperienced rider POV it leapt) across the intersection I looked back to see the Grim Reaper had stalled his Triumph and was sitting in a 2-stroke haze, desparately trying to kick start his bike ...

Needless to say, I didn't hang around .. took a few corners as fast as possible - and got lost in the wilds of suburban Auckland ... but at least I never saw the Bikie again ..

[Tunahunter]

I forgot to take the steering lock off my bike once when parked outside a Cafe in Auckland's K Road.

Waved goodbye to the rather attractive waitress who I had been chatting to and swung the best U turn in history right into a lamp post. The waitress and entire occupants of a nearby bus thought that was a great laugh

I can just imagine me doing that!!

[DarkLord]

Most recently for me -

My old SV650s is carbied, and I live in Taupo, which is FREAKIN' COLD round about this time of year.

I was warming the bike up before my commute home, with the choke on full as per always, as it needs to be when temperatures are as low as they currently are. I park the bike at the top of a small hill and usually let it roll down the hill in neutral, still with the choke on full, till I get close to the driveway I exit out of, when I turn the choke off and put it in gear, and ride out on my merry way. In that order.

This time, however, with choke still on full, I for some unexplained reason clicked it down into first gear. So, of course, it shot forwards like a rocket due to all of the extra fuel. Thinking quickly I slammed on the front brake and stopped far more suddenly than I expected and went flying balls first into the tank.

It hurt so much I put up the kickstand and sat motionless on the bike for about ten minutes while my testicles attempted to descent from my stomach. I was about to get off the bike to just sit down until I felt somewhat less sore and humiliated, but I am very glad I didn't as I didn't put the kickstand forward fully enough and it flicked backwards, so with all of its weight on the stand the bike started tipping over. Fortunately I grabbed it and pulled it back into place before it hit the ground, but boy, did I feel like a chump or what!!

I made sure I took it VERY easy on the commute home that evening!!

[oracle]

When I was about 8 or 9 we had a little lt50 quad and a bit of land out the back to thrash the thing on. I was going up the hill and fully opened the throttle. This understandably made me fall off the back. I'm thinking it'll just go up the hill a bit and stop at the top where it flattened out. I look up just in time to see it hit the fence drive up it a bit and completely flip over. Was a struggle for little me to flip it up the right way so I didn't have to tell Mum that I was thrashing it when she told us not to

[Grumph]

Two Wigram stories - first, me, Fell off on my own oil, didn't I - right pratt. And picked up off the deck by a guy I hadn't seen for about 3 years - not the place for a reunion.
Second - a mate, dead now. First year with a 7R, tried to start it with a rag in the carb, didn't he - worked till luchtime before giving it away. Bent valve...
Second year, Kawasaki A1R, more experience, and he tries to fire that with a rag in EACH carby...At least he got it running for one race.

[Old Steve]

Got my first bike home. Had had my 6L for a couple of weeks but the only riding experience I had had was BHS and the ride home on the bike after some terrified circles of the industrial units behgind Bay City Motorcycles.

I felt as if I'd clicked on the ride home, so I immediately wanted to take the bike out again for a ride round the neighbourhood. Started her up, and tried to do a u-turn on the driveway in front of the garage. Bit too much throttle and didn't release the throttle once the bike had taken over control. Bike and I went straight into a group of three pots, which my wife particularly liked, in the garden.

Do you know how many pieces there are to two broken terracota pots - seemed like thousands at the time. I picked up as many as possible and it took my wife about four days before she realised there was only one pot where there'd previously been three. Maybe she hadn't liked them as much as she said she did.

At least the bike wasn't damaged, though I checked the front tire very carefully before I went out for my ride.

[shrub]

When I worked at a bike shop there was a guy browsing while he had new tyres fitted to his Harley at Don's next door. He started talking about the Rocket and hinting at a test ride, and was banging on about what a good rider he was and how he had to weld steel plates on his crank case because he kept grinding them going round corners and how he could outrun Jap sportsbikes on his Harley.....

Anyway, I didn't bite so the Rocket stayed put and it came time for him to collect his Harley with it's shiny new tyres. Now this is a Saturday morning in Manchester St with about a brazillian bikers milling around, so he pulls across Manchester St and gives it a big old handful of throttle as he does so. Whoops.....

[Banditbandit]

When I worked at a bike shop there was a guy browsing while he had new tyres fitted to his Harley at Don's next door. He started talking about the Rocket and hinting at a test ride, and was banging on about what a good rider he was and how he had to weld steel plates on his crank case because he kept grinding them going round corners and how he could outrun Jap sportsbikes on his Harley.....

Anyway, I didn't bite so the Rocket stayed put and it came time for him to collect his Harley with it's shiny new tyres. Now this is a Saturday morning in Manchester St with about a brazillian bikers milling around, so he pulls across Manchester St and gives it a big old handful of throttle as he does so. Whoops.....

Don't you just love it when wannabe-riders and bullshitters come to such public grief ...

[shrub]

Don't you just love it when wannabe-riders and bullshitters come to such public grief ...

Especially seeing as Don tells everyone to take it easy on their new tyres.

I laughed....

[R-Soul]

I was about 16, and my cousins and I were messing around on their XR500 in their neighbourhood, which had a lot of new building develoments. Buildings are mortice in SA, and builders have river sand offloaded in a pile in the front yard for making cement.

We had parked the XR500 on a pile of riversand, and I was in control . I revved it high and dumped the clutch , making an impresive "rooster tail" of sand spitting out from the back wheel. I kep this going for some time (the builders hated us).

But eventually the wheel dug itself down into the loose river sand, and hit the rock hard standard red clay beneath it. I was standing astride the bike on the sand (and thankfully not sitting on it). The bike catapulted off from between my legs, cartwheeling down the hill arse over tit.

Luckily not much damage done (strong transmissions on those XR500's) - just bit of ribbing from my cousins.

[Expert]

when i was an apprentice in the uk i had a honda 50 trail bike to ride to work, you have to have a 50 as your first bike over there, it's the law.
one of the older apprentices used to rag me about this slow thing cause he had a cb250n honda, arguable not much faster.
i told him my 50 was faster than his bike and told him to try it, unbeknown to him i had already started it by bumping it off in reverse so the engine was running backwards, it would run like that, as most two strokes will.
He revved it up and dumped the clutch and the bike shot off in reverse and bashed him in the nuts on tank and he fell off. He kicked my ass but it was worth it.
i learned to ride it in reverse and it was a laugh to get my mates to try it until i seized it up because the oil pump for the autolube didn't like running in reverse.

A pre-mix crosser running in reverse would be fun!