Best line you've ever given a cop?

[riffer]

Not quite giving a line to a cop but many moons ago (26 years actually) I was busted doing a stand-up wheelie past my then girlfriend's house in Oxford Terrace, Naenae, on my then brand-new GPZ750R.

Ended up in Lower Hutt District Court on a Reckless Driving charge, in front of two old biddies back when the JPs did traffic charges.

I went into a long detailed explanation about cleaning the carbies, and how the throttle had stuck WFO when I was taking the bike for a test run after the cleanout, which ended up with the old biddies chastising the copper about how he'd added insult to injury for this poor 18-year-old who must have been absolutely terrified and had only just managed to stay on his motorcycle in the face of a horrendous machine malfunction!

I bet that wouldn't happen now...

[Big Dave]

The District Commander handed me a slab of Crayfish he had pulled out of the BOP whilst diving that morning, right off the BBQ hot plate, as I was reclined on his poolside lounge chair, watching the glistening sun set, and I said:

'Mighty fine town you're running here Sheriff.'

[MSTRS:Me]

My brother got pulled in the wee hours, absolutely legless he was.
"Occupation?"
"Auditor. Currently doing you lot."
"That so? OK. On your way."

[red mermaid]

Me; So how much have you had to drink.

Driver; Just a couple

Me; So was that glasses, jugs or kegs?

They have only ever had a couple.

[Scuba_Steve]

Me; So how much have you had to drink.

Driver; Just a couple

Me; So was that glasses, jugs or kegs?

They have only ever had a couple.

good follow up question But you missed out "40s"

[Maha]

True story from ex mother n' law bless 'er
Gets pulled over by a cop just after leaving the citz club in Rotorua.
After blowing in the bag...

Cop: ''I now require you to accompany me to police station''
Pat: ''Ok, shall I just follow you then''?

[scumdog]

Goodafterble Constanoon.

A lot of the time it's drunks that try that - and a lot of the time they don't get it right!

Oh, heard an awful lot of these 'best lines' and though I bet they think they're the first to say (or try to) these amazingly cutting/witty lines...

[scumdog]

Me; So how much have you had to drink.

Driver; Just a couple

Me; So was that glasses, jugs or kegs?

They have only ever had a couple.

It's ALWAYS 'a couple''

Drink kills the part of the mind that enables people to count accurately.

[Mully]

Got waved over yesterday to get a pep talk by ACC about how I should wear hi-viz. The Police were there too - presumably to protect the ACC bloke from angry motorcyclists who were minding their own business and got held up for 5 minutes to be patronised at..... anyway, I digress.

Putting my gear back on

Officer: That's a nice bike, 1400, eh?
Me: Yeah. Does the job, bit of overkill for commuting but oh well
Officer: Goes alright?
Me: Well, only up to the speed limit. Over that, I dunno.
Officer: Yeah, something like that. Have a nice day
Me: You too.

I've always wanted to use the Police 10-7 line: "Oh, I was gonna cane it, and he wouldn't have caught me in this" *points to Honda Integra*

Specifically, I've always wanted to do that in our 1994 Auto 1.6l Corolla - just to give the cop a bit of a laugh. But as I'm a law abiding citizen, I haven't been pulled over in it.

[nadroj]

"I don't blow, Officer. I only suck."

Actually, I never said that, but I know who did...

Intimately?

[Gwinch]

[Cr1MiNaL]

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"


How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.


There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."

I was once mailed a picture of my car speeding through a speed camera.
A $80 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, I sent the police department a picture of $80.
The police infringement bureau responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.



NZ POLICE OFFICER: "We arrested this man beating the living daylights out of some poor slob for no reason at all! What should we charge him with?"
DESK SERGEANT: "Impersonating an Officer."

[slofox]

Few years back now, but was returning to The Tron from d'Auckland in the wee hours. There was a checkpoint in Huntly. At 2.00am in the friggin' morning...but then it WAS Huntly wannit?

Copper comes up with a smart comment...'Ahhhh...Mr slofox is it? Going slow then are we?" (Reg plate is SLOFOX).

Me, thinking quickly, "Yea I was going slow but if ya give me a head start I'll go fast for ya..."

Copper, very serious all of a sudden, "Just say your name into this machine please".

No sense of humour at all...and after he bloody started is as well...

[scumdog]

Since (as usual) we're not quite on topic.

Me: "You didn't stop at the Stop sign sir, that's why I stopped you.".

Him: "Aw shit, I almost stopped, what's the difference, it's near enough."

Me: "Well if I got out my baton and started beating the tar out of your head which would you rather I did, stop or almost stop..."

[slofox]

Since (as usual) we're not quite on topic.

Me: "You didn't stop at the Stop sign sir, that's why I stopped you.".

Him: "Aw shit, I almost stopped, what's the difference, it's near enough."

Me: "Well if I got out my baton and started beating the tar out of your head which would you rather I did, stop or almost stop..."

If you wanna get people for not stopping at stop signs, come spend time up here...I reckon I am the last person left in town who actually stops...