Friday jokes

[nadroj]

Sometimes I like to hide my wife's purse so the neighbors think I'm a stallion when they hear her panting "Give it to me!

[YellowDog]

"Class, today's assignment is to spell and use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."

"Jane, you go first..."



"Dough; D O U G H.... Italians make pizza with dough."

"Very good, Jane, now let's hear from Mary."


"Dough; D O U G H... My brother makes things with play dough."




"Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add?"

"My mum says my dad doesn't make enough dough, and he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!

[NordieBoy]

get phucked, i wouldnt hang out with that dropkick. What kind of fag calls themself 'bubbles'??
Oh-kay, schweet oi.

Could be trademe'ing from a phone and has a really screwed up autocorrect.

Or that could be how they talk in real life. :shudder:
Probably drive a VW Golf too.

[Akzle]

Could be trademe'ing from a phone and has a really screwed up autocorrect.

Or that could be how they talk in real life. :shudder:
Probably drive a VW Golf too.

yeah, nah, he's a dropkick proper.

[Drew]

yeah, nah, he's a dropkick proper.

I think you're wrong. Pretty confident he's one of those clever cunts with a sense of humor.

[anebv8]

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

[Akzle]

I think you're wrong. Pretty confident he's one of those clever cunts with a sense of humor.

five bucks and a bag of chips says you're wrong.

[YellowDog]

five bucks and a bag of chips says you're wrong.

Reading the comments, I was sure it's a female? Seemed to have a girlie name.

[Akzle]

Reading the comments, I was sure it's a female? Seemed to have a girlie name.

i knew a dancer called bubbles once... The things her fanny could do with a dish of washing up liquid, i tell ya...

[Robbo]

i knew a dancer called bubbles once... The things her fanny could do with a dish of washing up liquid, i tell ya...

This was'nt her was it Akzle??

[anebv8]

ever wondered if your mum kissed you good night after giving your dad a blowie?? bet you are now

[cc rider]

[roogazza]

[anebv8]

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool , Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'

[roogazza]

I thought this pretty funny.