Paul in NZ catch up

[BMWST?]

I cant imagine what you are going through but I reiterate what the fellow above said

[Laava]

Kia kaha Paul, I watched your videos and I have to say Vickis a lucky girl to have you.

[SPman]

What a hell of a time you've both been through. I thought 2 yrs as a carer was bad enough .... you do what you do because it's what you do, regardless, even when it's not how you'd imagine you'd spend your later years.
A friend of ours' ( I still include Marion, even though she's been gone 18 months) husband developed something similar 6 yrs ago. She set up a dementia social group for people in similar situations all around Perth - they have meetings in cafes all around Perth and mutually support each other. Called Forget- Me-Not. Angie's husband died last year but the group has grown into quite a large organisation - there was definitely a need for it and it's helped a lot of people.
It's a hard and disheartening road, but, as I was told - " life's just not fair, and that's how it is." You're doing great, Paul.

[Paul in NZ]

Just an update for any of you who met Vicki.

This morning I placed my amazing wife in care and walking away was about the hardest thing ever. The house seems awfully quiet and empty tonight.

I am 100% sure Ive done the right thing by her but it doesnt lessen the pain.

More later once she is settled

Thank you all for your kind words and support on this journey.

[Laava]

My thoughts are with you mate, that is tough as you say. I have no notion of how hard that must be for you. All the best…

[BMWST?]

You can recuperate a little yourself now Paul. I hope the care home is close by. When my mum when into care it was a blessing that it was close by. Look after yourself and visit often.

[jellywrestler]

I am 100% sure Ive done the right thing by her but it doesnt lessen the pain.

More later once she is settled

Thank you all for your kind words and support on this journey.

You can stand tall on this, your dedication and love for Vicki is unbreakable, Time will see you adapt to the quiet somewhat. Take care

[F5 Dave]

Hang in there Paul. It is life's final cruel joke on us perhaps.

[caseye]

You've done exactly the right thing Paul, it may not seem like it just now, but it is!
It's good to see you here again and it's also good to hear that Vicki is in a safe and caring environment, worked in a rest home/hospital for a few years, the staff do an amazing job of becoming a patients career/friend, without being too pally, it hurts them to see their charges as they are, but they dig in and make life as happy and enjoyable as they can, it all makes a difference, even if others don't see it, Vicki will and you will quickly come to know the people who give her all of their attention.
Take care out there mate and let Vicki know the KB'ers are still here rooting for her and you.

[Paul in NZ]

Well its been a month plus 6 days since Vickis gone into care.

I had the one month review with the homes GP. All clear except her HBa1C is a tad elevated. Since she's gone from a me cooking with zero sugar to snack central it's not surprising.

The thing is - Vicki is happy. Shes settled hard where she is and I just need the government funding agency to co operate and theres a decent chance I can allow myself to be happy... Im looking forwards to that.

Vickis friend (Coleen) gave her a flip book of photos of all her coven - erm - work friends. OMG instant hit. Ive added some more photos and she adores it.

Me being me.... Ive been learning the names of the other residents. I often attract quite the circle of admirers LOL when I visit but its helping Vicki build bridges.

This isnt what I want but I will make the most of what I have

I have to say though - full credit to the team at Charles Fleming. EVERY time I visit staff from the manager to the SCU staff say hello Paul.... Vickis doing well shes .... Bless them

[Paul in NZ]

Good news…. Vickis residential care subsidy has been approved from date of admission. LOL Im even getting a refund! This is a HUGE weight off my back.

Vicki is now secure in a best of breed facility and close at hand. Im going to sleep well tonight!! Regardless of what might happen to me she will be cared for.

Had a great visit today with Vicki. She was upset because she lost her handbag but I found it under her bed. I has her photo flip album which is very precious to her. Bless her she had found another bag and put a book about mountains in it as a substitute for the photos…

I also met Barabara who is Shonas sister. Long story but Shona is a resident there and often thinks Im her father LOL. She is often wanting me to take her for a walk. To be fair shes not the only one LOL
Anyway – with such good news - Im just going to relax now and switch my brain off LOL

Cheers

[BMWST?]

That is gret news all round

[caseye]

Just so you know Paul, we're still here.
Great news all-round, go take a well deserved break.

[Paul in NZ]

As you are all likely aware, my darling Vicki went into care on 2nd October.

It’s been a rollercoaster or emotion for us all and I miss her terribly, especially waking up on Christmas morning alone after nearly 50 years. But its also been an extraordinary learning opportunity.

I’ve been humbled and inspired by Vicki, the staff and the residents at Charles Fleming.

No one gets up one morning and thinks that it would just be a swell idea to have dementia. Everyone that’s ended up in care has arrived there after a journey and no two are the same.

These people have lost their independence, freedom, homes and contacts. Their phones and credit cards are gone and in some cases their dignity.

Yet despite the worst of adversity many (if not most) exhibit kindness and acceptance of others flaws and friendships blossom.

We have been trolling through old albums and hard drives finding pictures for Vicki which she keeps in flip books which she goes through constantly. They are a precious tohunga for her – a physical memory now that her own is failing her.

Amber and her boys visited Vicki this week. Vicki was sitting with Joy who sat with them through the visit holding Vickis hand. Joy told Amber not to worry about Vicki because she looks after her mum when shes not there... Bless her and Joy was amazed to find 3 teenagers (almost) and told Vicki – look it’s the boys from your photos… They were all the center of attention LOL…

Later the same day I went to see Vicki and we were joined by Robin and Jean and later Barbara (who is a bit more confused than usual to be fair). I took some more family pictures in for Vickis flip books and the ladies wanted to know all about them much to Vickis delight.

Being the season to be jolly it was Christmas carols time – Robin was amazing – she really did know all the lyrics and not just the first verse. I figured that I'm here physically so I may as well join the choir. It was fun not being the worst singer there for a change.

Leah (vickis dinner friend) joined us and it was hilarious. The staff were putting the chairs out for afternoon exercise and Leah was putting them all back… It was obvious the only exercise was being done by the activity's lady moving endless chairs until Leah tired of the game and sat with us.

Amber and I have taken to reading books to Vicki – Its very special. She likes books about birds and Māori legends but my Te reo pronunciation is terrible (she doesn’t seem to mind) and we nearly always attract a few extras to the reading circle which is a genuine blessing.

Not every visits like this of course – some are brutally sad.

But the good ones like today fill my bucket and teach us that even in a sadness that a little kindness makes all the difference…

Today Vicki and I were joined at our family table (xmas lunch) by Julie who didnt have a visitor for christmas lunch... She sat with us and we had a great time - Its a sad time when you cant find an extra place at Christmas lunch (especially when you dont need to cook).

Bless you all and if you can be anything in life - choose to be kind.

[F5 Dave]

Nice to hear Paul.