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Thread: Something to offend everyone.

  1. #1
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    Something to offend everyone.

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag.

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
    100 people who don't do dick.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do lawyers use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    20 kgs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Pepper spray will do that to you

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a English zoo?
    An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe.."

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog View Post
    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
    Not true! They've got the `whites', they've got the `pupils', and if you blow on them they change expression and look suspicious!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog View Post
    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    That'd be my favourite, nice work Mrs KD.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog View Post

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.
    My favourite!
    Illuc ivi, illud feci.

    Buggrim, Buggrit.

  5. #5
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    31st March 2003 - 13:09
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    LOL

    What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

    That's mine... and I already sent it to my Texan friends... it is SOOOO true
    $2,000 cash if you find a buyer for my house, kumeuhouseforsale@straightshooters.co.nz for details

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog View Post
    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.
    Nothing offensive there! best money I ever lost!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Gubb View Post
    Nonono,

    He rides the Leprachhaun at the end of the Rainbow. Usually goes by the name Anne McMommus

  7. #7
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    "What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    20 kgs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes."

    LOL that's great

  8. #8
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    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

    As Nelson would say 'Haahaa!'
    "I came into this game for the action, the excitement... go anywhere, travel light,... get in, get out,... wherever there's trouble, a man alone... Now they got the whole country sectioned off; you can't make a move without a form."

    Paved roads are just another example of wasted tax payer dollars.

  9. #9
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    I'm not offended.

    Haven't you got anything for Gingas?

  10. #10
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    thats some good shit!
    Luck is when oportunity and preparation meet

  11. #11
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    Blah Ha, ha.

    Loved the Aussie, Italian, USA, Yr 9 ones. Great Friday laugh. Many thanks.
    When you take thousands of photos of your bike does the light from the flash weaken the plastic?

  12. #12
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    LOL Great stuff...heres one more...
    Whats the diff between your job & your wife {not mine}
    Your job still sucks after 5 years

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog View Post
    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
    oh god lmfao

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drum View Post
    I'm not offended.

    Haven't you got anything for Gingas?
    What's the difference between a cricket ball and a ginger minge?

    You can actually force yourself to eat a cricket ball!

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drum View Post
    I'm not offended.

    Haven't you got anything for Gingas?
    Whats the difference between a ginger and a brick?

    The brick gets laid!
    Never let your enemy see your emotions, for it is the one weapon they will value most.



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