Out of the dark and into the world...

**Kittyhawk** · 2nd January 2008, 19:35

He can not hold down a job because he lacks the interaction skills to talk to people and having limited language is a barrier to him.

If the boss says something and he dosent know the vocab how can he understand it?

It's back to the basics first before trying to get another job.

**98tls** · 2nd January 2008, 19:44

Originally Posted by Kittyhawk

He can not hold down a job because he lacks the interaction skills to talk to people and having limited language is a barrier to him.

If the boss says something and he dosent know the vocab how can he understand it?

It's back to the basics first before trying to get another job.

Fair call Kitty,shitty suituation really.Good on you for being there for him.All i can say is tread carefully i guess as i know personally what its like to lack some basic skills and when people tried to help it made me angry...read as embarrassed..hence the anger.Good luck and am sure it will work out.Its a fine thing that you do.

**Kittyhawk** · 2nd January 2008, 19:50

Originally Posted by 98tls

Fair call Kitty,shitty suituation really.Good on you for being there for him.All i can say is tread carefully i guess as i know personally what its like to lack some basic skills and when people tried to help it made me angry...read as embarrassed..hence the anger.Good luck and am sure it will work out.Its a fine thing that you do.

Im passionate about teaching. And for him it will be small steps. I dont want him falling into the deep end and not cope.

I find myself turning my back to the world, most of the time I just want to be left alone. Im happy in my own company. But when Im sociable, yep Im out there lol..

Looking at my little bro I can see it frustrates him, the simple things do, but at the same time he plays on things which my parents cant see. I can see through his bullshit when he does play on it, and he hates that. He even said he's not moving in because he wants mum and dad to do it all for him forever!

I dont intend becoming his mother when our parents pass away. I have my own life, goals and aspirations, he needs some guidance and to find himself, and his purpose in life.

**Ixion** · 2nd January 2008, 19:55

Does he WANT to be a project? Maybe he likes being the way he is ?

Give me the avowed, the erect, the manly foe, bold I can meet, perhaps may turn his blow! But of all plagues, good Heavens, thy wrath can send, save, save, oh save me from the helpful friend. (apologies to Mr Canning)

**Motu** · 2nd January 2008, 21:35

Apart from the reading and writing he sounds pretty much like me - and I've been like this for 54 years.Who has a problem with this - him or you? Sounds like your problem to me.

I have few friends,but those I have,have been for most of my life.But I know a hell of a lot of people,and a lot more who don't know me at all.I have always been of the belief that he who talks least learns most....I'm the quiet guy in any group,not participating,but listening and forming my own opinions.

I'm an introvert,and so are my family and my friends....we are all deep thinkers,happy with our own company.A family night at home is us all reading books,content in our own company.

Don't try to make me be like you - I won't appreciate it and will probably avoid your company.This is why I ride alone....it's my space,for me.

**Trudes** · 2nd January 2008, 21:43

The older I get the less I can be bothered with idle chit chat and am starting to become more interested in silence, I enjoy it actually, sometimes it's nice to just sit in other people's company without having to talk constantly (or have them talk AT you constantly!!) Grumpy eh!

**Disco Dan** · 2nd January 2008, 21:47

Originally Posted by Motu

Apart from the reading and writing he sounds pretty much like me - and I've been like this for 54 years.Who has a problem with this - him or you? Sounds like your problem to me.

I have few friends,but those I have,have been for most of my life.But I know a hell of a lot of people,and a lot more who don't know me at all.I have always been of the belief that he who talks least learns most....I'm the quiet guy in any group,not participating,but listening and forming my own opinions.

I'm an introvert,and so are my family and my friends....we are all deep thinkers,happy with our own company.A family night at home is us all reading books,content in our own company.

Don't try to make me be like you - I won't appreciate it and will probably avoid your company.This is why I ride alone....it's my space,for me.

I must agree with you Motu! Sounds like me! Not everyone needs 'rescuing' - something I unfortunately only learnt only a few months ago.

However I know Kitty, and I am sure her reasons are sound and that her intentions are good.

Well done kitty

**howdamnhard** · 2nd January 2008, 22:00

Kittyhawk,sounds like your brother has some learning difficulties,has he been checked out for dyslexia,ADH etc.Teaching him to read and write is a good start but shouldn'nt he have learnt this at school already?Once he has got that getting a job would be a big bonus as it would improve his self esteem and independence.Good luck with your project ,just tread very carefully.

**325rocket** · 3rd January 2008, 10:09

*** just my opinion but …
the first thing you should do is make sure he knows everyone is fu*ked up in some way. When your like this it can be easy to think the world is full of shiny happy perfect people and you don’t fit in.
the best life lesson I ever learnt was everyone is self conscious about something and sometimes the people that look totally together are the most screwed up.
Read the depression thread, it always blows me away how many members here have had issues with depression. Throw in lack of confidence, reading / writing problems, poor interaction skills and bad self image and on some level 99 % of people tick at least a few of the boxes.
I have no idea where you go from there but I think that would be a good start.

**merv** · 3rd January 2008, 10:23

Originally Posted by Mrs Kendog

The older I get the less I can be bothered with idle chit chat and am starting to become more interested in silence, I enjoy it actually, sometimes it's nice to just sit in other people's company without having to talk constantly (or have them talk AT you constantly!!) Grumpy eh!

I never thought I'd see you write this coz you're normally so chatty.

**Trudes** · 3rd January 2008, 10:35

Originally Posted by merv

I never thought I'd see you write this coz you're normally so chatty.

Only with people I like Merv!!

**xwhatsit** · 3rd January 2008, 13:16

Originally Posted by 0arbreaka

Get him a job in retail or something similar. The people skills will come very quickly as he will have to deal with the general public as part of his job. Worked with me.

Hell yes. Restaurant. Did the trick exactly. Not that I'm Mr Party Pants now, and I'm still a core introvert, but I'm perfectly capable (or so I think) of talking crap in relative comfort with other people in a social setting now.

I'm not fussed, really. The only situation it really held me back was with girls; and once you spend some time at university you run into plenty of girls just the same as you

**Zuki Bandit** · 3rd January 2008, 13:27

Kitty, you just described my childhood. Throughout primary school up to just after college everyone labelled me as an intrevert. I wouldnt speak to anyone unless I was confronted with a question and avoiding social situations was my main focus in life. My older brother would force me into situations where I would have to talk and be sociable. As a consequence, most all of my friends are older than me, which is ok by me. Because of his coaching and being forced around more mature people, I know it has made more talkative and confident. I still feel a bit off in crowds, but if my brother hadnt of stepped in, Im sure I would still be "intreverted".

Cheers

ZB

**Kittyhawk** · 4th January 2008, 01:23

Originally Posted by howdamnhard

Kittyhawk,sounds like your brother has some learning difficulties,has he been checked out for dyslexia,ADH etc.Teaching him to read and write is a good start but shouldn'nt he have learnt this at school already?Once he has got that getting a job would be a big bonus as it would improve his self esteem and independence.Good luck with your project ,just tread very carefully.

Yes you are correct he should have learnt it at school, he went to a psychiatriast once a couple of years ago and they did not give my parents the diagnosis. There's alot more behind the scenes too, I was told hes on an invalids benifit but no one seems to know what the problem is with him. Im going to get to the bottom of it, maybe hes dislexic, or ADH, I dont know. However I will be seeking professional help while he is living with me because he can not think for himself, make decisions or hold a flowing conversation.

Originally Posted by 325rocket

Read the depression thread, it always blows me away how many members here have had issues with depression.
I have no idea where you go from there but I think that would be a good start.

Funny you say that, I was the one who started the thread since Im the one who has the problems and yes I've seeked professional help and not afraid to admit I have a problem, and that I am still sick. I tend to face problems head on and HTFU where I can.

Originally Posted by Zuki Bandit

Kitty, you just described my childhood. Throughout primary school up to just after college everyone labelled me as an intrevert. I wouldnt speak to anyone unless I was confronted with a question and avoiding social situations was my main focus in life. My older brother would force me into situations where I would have to talk and be sociable. As a consequence, most all of my friends are older than me, which is ok by me. Because of his coaching and being forced around more mature people, I know it has made more talkative and confident. I still feel a bit off in crowds, but if my brother hadnt of stepped in, Im sure I would still be "intreverted".

Cheers

ZB

I dont plan on moulding him to how my personality is, but he has no friends at age 22. I will coach him out of his silence. If he is quiet in conversations its not because he is shy, its because he cant follow the vocab which is a concern. Im glad your brother helped you, I feel I need to be there for my little bro.