NZ Herald - Canterbury biker down; black Triumph (8 August)

[dangerous]

The first part of the meeting is underway. Me and Maurs meet with the people from restorative justice on sunday 27th to discuss the process and what to expect when we meet Mason. Then we will set a date to meet him providing he still agrees to go through with it.

Sorry Im not up with what 'restorative justice' is? mason is the guy that drove the car?
If so why do you want to meet with him?

[Genestho]

Im sorry for your loss, I hadnt come accross this thread before. Very sad and reminds me of my situation with my oldest son, heartbreaking.
Im not going to give you any of the cliches, and Im not going to ask if your ok. I know its still raw and still so early.

I think your a brave woman looking into restorative justice, If I had that chance (the driver is dead thank goodness, Universal Justice rocks.) - I know Id have smashed the culprit into smitherines, and I make no bones about it, and Id have every right to feel that way. To hell with PC, PC has come about because people dont take the blame or responsibilty for their own actions anymore.

Ive just read the sentence handed out, sickening.
Such is the extent of NZ Justice, not good enough.
I think the laws are there but not maximised, theres no examples made and crims get to skip off scot free after taking someones life.
If you ever need anything. Dont be afraid to sing out mate, dont know what I can do, or how I can help. But I am here too. I know what your going through.
The only thing I can say right now is we know other people are grieving losses too, and somehow people survive it, but always living with it.
Doesnt make it any easier.
Looks like you have alot of support here, and I have met a lovely bunch of ratbags myself here. Good bunch.

PS Dangerous, thanks for your pm, when the topic comes up over there, I'll put my three cents worth in, thankyou for the invite.
Cheers

[SDU]

Sorry Im not up with what 'restorative justice' is? mason is the guy that drove the car?
If so why do you want to meet with him?

Mason is the f###er that drove the car. Restorative justice is a chance to for victims to talk face to face with the perp without lawyers involved.
It is controlled too much by the perps & no-one has to do it.
Would be nice to set up a meeting with the PM & find out why the judges get away with dishing out such piss poor sentences.

For some people it's a chance to start the healing process by just letting the assholes know the pain they have caused. Be Hard not to It takes a lot of guts to go to a meeting & not the f###ker

Only Lisa can tell you her reasons for going through this step but I wish her all the best.

[SDU]

The first part of the meeting is underway. Me and Maurs meet with the people from restorative justice on sunday 27th to discuss the process and what to expect when we meet Mason. Then we will set a date to meet him providing he still agrees to go through with it.

He was looking scared when the judge mentioned the R.J meetings.wouldn't surprise me if he tries to squirm out of it. He's gutless but I do hope you get your chance.
All the best for them.
take care hun

[lisa.brendon]

Yeah the whole sentance thing and saying that NZ law isn't up to par with other countries is tru in some respects, but in reality its a cop out. They don't use the scale within each penalty, for example this guy Mason has another record of aggrivated driving so this was his second time up. Under the both charges, the maximum sentance on each count was 3 years prison, yet he got a total of 3 months at home! Where is the lesson in that? He obviously didn't learn the first time so why not make use of the max sentancing. I mean he fckn killed someone and he gets to sleep in for the next 3 months and have his mates over for a fkn BBQ! Well fck is it any wonder the reoffending rates and road deaths are so high, wheres the deterent?

Anyways that is why I want to do the Restorative Justice Meeting. As much as I'd like to kill the little fcker, that would mean giving him the easy way out. This way I get to ensure he lives with what he did everyday! I want to do the meeting to make sure he understands fully what he has done to Brendon and our family. At this point he only understands the legal ramifications. I want to make sure he sees Brendons face and personality and that he sees our little boy, and Knows what he stole from him. I want to make sure he knows the impact he has caused in our family that it fcks us for the rest of our lives. I want to hear from him that he gets it, that he will see Brendons' and Antons' face everyday, that he will never forget and that he will never make a stupid decision like that again and hurt anyone elses family. He never learnt the first time he drove like an idiot but I sure as hell want to make sure he learns this time. On the otherside of that to know that he gets it, it will also help us to move forward. We can't change what has happened and we will never forgive and we will never forget but atleast we will know it wasn't in vain.

[lisa.brendon]

DATE SET FOR RESTORATIVE MEETING - 6PM 11 FEB.

We meet with the people running the meeting yesterday to go over what will happen at the meeting and to go ova any particulars of what we want done and what our intentions are. Mason will have Nicolas Boath with him - his passenger that night. There seems to be abit of confustion about him, everything up to this point states he is 19yrs but the restorative people met him and said he is about 30, so not sure but guess we will find out. Also recieved the police Investigation report the other day. I am going to take it to the meeting, I know he was there at the time but he would have been in shock and the report has all the facts aswell as photos taken that night. Thought it might be a good reminder for him. Sure as hell was a freak out moment for me so hope it will have an effect on him. Will also take photos of brendon and anton so that he has faces that relate to what he has done, to realise we are people not just a situation. I must say it is gonna be so hard, I know I have to keep my cool if I want to achieve anything by doing this but in all honesty I still don't know if I can walk in the room without bashing him. They estimate the meeting to be about an hour or hour and a half, but said it can take as long as it needs. Its not uncommon to still be there two hours later. I just can't guarantee I can restrain myself and that thought scares me a little. I have had so much anger that to be so close ....I jst don't know. I hope it will work out as there is a purpose for the meeting and I hope we can come out with some sort of result.

[dangerous]

shit girl... good luck, kinda somewhat brave of ya, dont know if Id do something like that in your position... all the best.

[Genestho]

I guess at the end of the day you have to remember why your there, to show him your faces, and make sure he never forgets.

You'll have to muster every shred of pride and dignity and strength you possess, and you know the "uniforms" wont let you go nuts on him anyway.

This is your one shot at this, to make him feel both yours and your sons pain.

Best thing I ever did was buy myself a Boxing Bag, and I have other ways of ridding (ridding?) anger involving a smash box containing old or stuffed crockery and/or old household items that in the old days wouldve gone to Trade Me or the Sallies, and pruning trees and nasty cactuses with axes and OSH approved safety goggles ..haha.
Great help, Better out than in.

I can only imagine how hard it will be on your R.J journey mate, thoughts are with you girl.

[SDU]

Dig deep Lisa & keep on doing what you are doing to make it through the day. Full respect to you for trying. All you can do is your best. As Guzzi widow said why you are there. She has some great advice.
Thinking of you.

[karla]

.
Best thing I ever did was buy myself a Boxing Bag ...

The anger that came with the grief after losing my father (result of an accident) was all encompassing for me; at times I thought it would drive me over the edge. I used to stand in the bathroom, holding the towel and twisting it until I couldn't twist it anymore, imagining that I was wringing someone's neck. I felt pretty stupid at first, but it became like a sanctuary after a time.

In my case I had no one I could blame, and I couldn't be angry at my father. I can only imagine how hard it must be to know that someone is directly responsible because of their actions.

I'm sure that through all this your strength will grow Lisa, for yourself, your children and your lost mate. Kia kaha ~

[lisa.brendon]

Thanx, it's good to read all of this and to know how much support is out there. It's been a hard day, it's our anniversary today, 8 years. with everything happening around us with the courts and the meeting it is good to look back at the good times and remember when we first got togeather. The first thing we did after we were introduced was to hook up for a ride to Akaroa on the v max. We had alot of good rides over the years, not so many of late as the v max is in parts after it blew an o ring and leaned out, did the valves. Brendon was almost ready to bang it back togeather and we were looking forward to heading over to the greymouth street race. Anyway, I'll post any updates with the meeting. It sounds pretty set to happen, I don't think he will back out at this point.

[lisa.brendon]

HOLY FCK! So tense going into the meeting! Overall it actually went well. I am glad we did it. We had to sign a confidentiality thing so can't state anything as such but i see no reason not to say my view and feelings on it. When he first walked in my heart stopped and lungs froze. We sat at the table them one side us the other and before we could start Mason started straight up with an apology. when we went to start the meeting I actually walked out, I needed a minute to get my head adjusted and make my lungs work again! But once I came back and things kicked off, the longer we sat there the less tense - Less but still fkn nerve wrecking! we got a good overview of everything and learnt abit more about what hapened that night. It seems that his lawyer has never completely informed him during this process with the courts and everything. I really can see that he has been lead by his lawyer and all I can say on that would be that the lawyer must be on a good wicket! But I could see he was genuine about the impact it has had on him, he spoke very carefully and slowly almost as though if he didn't force the calm exterior, if he let his guard down he would break down. I gave him a folder with family pictures and Brendon racing, pictures of the coffin and of Brendon in the coffin in our bedroom (taken for Antons sake when he's older) photos taken at the accident scene and the newspaper clipping, the headstone and the rocket and Maurs. I also wrote up about what the events were that night for us and how things have effected us now. He went through it infront of us and you could see he took note of who brendon was and listened to what we said in regards to who he was. His facial expressions showed it did effect him and when he saw the pics of Brendon in the coffin his eyes went like saucers. He did keep hold of the folder so I imagine he will look through it again.There was one point where I thought the meeting was gonna fall apart. I thought he was gonna start being a wanker but after a short break and me an maurs having a more detailed discussion between the mediators and him we got it back on track. In the end that seemed to come down to his lawyer not fully informing him again, as we had been informed his lawyer was taking it back to court. However since talking at the meeting this won't be happening. Thank Fck! Well He's still a fckwitt but I do feel less angry, and I have the knowledge that he does understand what he has done now, that he acknowledges our family and knows who he killed. Knowing that he sees the photos and hears the words it feels more certain that he will live with it. I guess it makes me a little less angry. It brings a little bit of closure.

[shafty]

Congrats for having the guts Girl, much respect.

[chanceyy]

You have shown so much class & courage Lisa .. kudos to you .. hopefully this will provide the closure you need and it will impact him for the rest of his life .. also being able to see him for yourself & his reactions you know what you know & feel about the meeting .. no one can take that away from you and it has empowered you & is going to help with the healing process

know that Brendon is watching over you - as you lose your anger you can focus on the good times you shared & keep that memory alive for your son ..

[Rashika]

I'm glad the meeting went well Lisa, at least it sounds like you were able to get your feelings across and that is a huge step for you guys. I guess we can see that he is human and as such makes mistakes... stupid, ignorant, pathetic mistakes but still mistakes.
I really hope it does settle into his head, and maybe the world might just become a slightly better place cos you had the guts to do this. All the best