Choosing parenthood - Women vs men

[Grahameeboy]

Many years ago my girlfriend at the time got pregnant..condom split (not boasting or anything).

We discussed. I was happy to accept responsibility for being a Father and also said that it was her choice whether she wanted to continue the pregnancy...she decided to terminate, I paid for private treatment and was the only guy sitting in the waiting room of the abortion clinic.

We carried on going oout for a while but as is quite common she suffered a delayed reaction and accused me of killing her baby etc..not nice but I supported her and we still keep in touch.

Not an ideal situation, but I stood by her decision...am sure many will criticise me but I don't look back with regret...

But have taken the rare responsibility of sharing custody of my disabled Daughter as I believe that this is what a Father should do.

[Grahameeboy]

On one hand, I can see thier point, no wait, thats a callus, anyway as I was saying.....Being an American show, its a wonder couples dont have legal documents drawn up before fucking each other to ensure that neither life is screwed. Seems to me, that if a female gets pregnant, the guy involved did not cover up before penetration, and the ejaculation that followed did its job wonderfully! He will soon be a dad, deal with it if the above document was not signed by both parties.

Maybe they should try Body Orgasms

[Tank]

One thing that gets me is terminations.

Some people (yes more men than women) talk about this as if its a contraceptive or at the very most a very quick and easy procedure.

The truth of the matter is that it is something that *can* cause life long trauma.

Its not a decision to be made as lightly as a lot of people do or recommend.

** Edit - BTW - I've never been in a relationship that 'we' have had to make that decision - Im only basing this off people I know. I have no strong view on it being good or bad either way.

[Mully]

Many is the man who has had a child with a woman trying to "trap" him into a relationship.

and was the only guy sitting in the waiting room of the abortion clinic.

Yeah, it's a good place to pick up chicks - at least you know they put out.

[MsKABC]

One thing that gets me is terminations.

Some people (yes more men than women) talk about this as if its a contraceptive or at the very most a very quick and easy procedure.

The truth of the matter is that it is something that *can* cause life long trauma.

Its not a decision to be made as lightly as a lot of people do or recommend.

** Edit - BTW - I've never been in a relationship that 'we' have had to make that decision - Im only basing this off people I know. I have no strong view on it being good or bad either way.

Yes - it's easy to say it's unfair to force men into fatherhood whilst women can choose to have a termination. It's not exactly an easy option.

[MsKABC]

Yeah, it's a good place to pick up chicks - at least you know they put out.

I feel sorry for you that you are that desperate.

[EatOrBeEaten]

It's not an easy decision to make, no. To be fair, the women I know who've had one don't seem to be emotionally shattered by it. There's an overriding sense of sadness that it had to happen but pragmatism is a wonderful thing, and rather a termination than a kid born to parents who just can't cope with or want a child...

That said, given the number of long-term contraceptive measures available to women, this problem should be decreasing (if the world made any kind of bloody sense)

[Grahameeboy]

One thing that gets me is terminations.

Some people (yes more men than women) talk about this as if its a contraceptive or at the very most a very quick and easy procedure.

The truth of the matter is that it is something that *can* cause life long trauma.

Its not a decision to be made as lightly as a lot of people do or recommend.

** Edit - BTW - I've never been in a relationship that 'we' have had to make that decision - Im only basing this off people I know. I have no strong view on it being good or bad either way.

Agreed which is why I did not make our decision lightly...

[Stirts]

That said, given the number of long-term contraceptive measures available to women, this problem should be decreasing (if the world made any kind of bloody sense)

And that is exactly it....with the way contraceptive is in this "modern age" I find it hard to understand how a female gets pregnant by mistake.

As Mom stated earlier "Personally I have ALWAYS taken control of my fertility, I dont want a child ergo I take steps to prevent it from happening. Common sense really."

If I miss a pill....even when the Drs say you can miss one depending on where you are in your cycle you will be safe. Fuck that.... I miss a pill, I am at the chemist the next day getting the morning after pill.....I would hate to have to go through the termination of a baby....but personally I wouldn't let it get that far.

[MotoGirl]

Yes, the only sure-fire (no pun intended) way to avoid conception is abstinence. I think in one case contraception had failed, and in the other, the woman told the bloke she was on the pill, presumably she lied.

Alternatively she may have been the 2 percent where the pill wasn't effective. In this case of "just bad luck", should daddy be allowed to opt out?

[Mully]

I feel sorry for you that you are that desperate.

It's better than picking up chicks at family reunions. The rellys frown upon that.

[Monobrow]

I think in one case contraception had failed, and in the other, the woman told the bloke she was on the pill, presumably she lied.

Maybe she didn't lie, forgetting to take one pill could do it. However I'm aware there are women out there who do lie.

I just think it's rich these guys claiming they made every effort to ensure no pregnancy. Saying you don't want kids up front is no good when you can't rely 100% on contraception. The female may not want kids either but abortion is not an option for everyone and adoption is no less traumatic.

but personally I wouldn't let it get that far.

And the guy shouldn't either. Even if there's an agreement between you that the female will take sole responsibility for the contraception, you'd need to trust that she will tell you if the situation changes or deal with the consequences. I personally don't think she should have to go solo if the rubber/pill fails.

[MsKABC]

Alternatively she may have been the 2 percent where the pill wasn't effective. In this case of "just bad luck", should daddy be allowed to opt out?

Personally I don't believe so, but some people may feel that she has taken responsibility for the contraception and therefore the responsibility of the child is hers.

[Stirts]

Alternatively she may have been the 2 percent where the pill wasn't effective. In this case of "just bad luck", should daddy be allowed to opt out?

Of course he should ..... If she was on the pill this generally means she doesn't want a baby at that point in time. Bad luck for her, but if she decides to keep it, why should he be held responsible for the in-effectiveness of the pill and her sudden decision to keep the baby.

[MotoGirl]

Of course he should ..... If she was on the pill this generally means she doesn't want a baby. Bad luck for her, but if she decides to keep it, why should he be held responsible for the in-effectiveness of the pill and her sudden decision to keep the baby.

An interesting response. I personally say bad luck for both of them purely on the basis that he chose to shag her knowing that the pill is only 98 percent effective yet he took no extra precautions to account for the shortfall.

her sudden decision to keep the baby.

Taking the pill is a way of saying "I don't want a baby at this point in time" whereas getting sterilised is saying you never want kids. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "sudden decision" if she chose to keep a baby that had been conceived earlier than planned, provided she did nothing deceiptful to help it along. If I found myself pregnant I wouldn't terminate, and yes, I'm currently on the pill. Cajun and I intend to have kids at some point and if it happened accidentally then we'd just deal with it and welcome our new arrival.

Edit: When neither partner has done anything wrong or devious, why should the woman get caught with the baby alone? Yes, it's fine to say she should terminate or adopt out but who's to say that's an option the woman is prepared to take? I know a woman who's had a termination and she never got over it. She felt so bad that she effectively got pregnant again to replace the one she had terminated.