HELP! Total EVILness(tm) has broken out!

**Swoop** · 25th July 2009, 19:49

It is like one of those weird puzzles that nobody can solve! I go to relax in Te Lounge only to discover something of TOTAL evilness has praked itself on Te Bibble of Motorcycleness.

This demonic entity is worserer than Heilen Klerke crossbred with Winston Peters, and MUCH harder to move!

The first attempt at taking a photo sucked the batteries dry of power (honest!).
This photo was taken at full zoom so not to get too close.

Much like the puzzle, HOW do I get to the Motorcycling Nirvana?

Please help! All suggestions greatly appreciated and the best will be rewarded with bling. The worst will receive the evilness "book" if it can ever be restrained by a mortal hand. (Sorry, I'll retract that. The punishment is far too harsh, even for KB).

**Blackshear** · 25th July 2009, 19:56

I think I chortled for the first time in my life.
Is this dangerous to me?

**FJRider** · 25th July 2009, 19:57

It must be fiction ... women don't have short stories ......

**RC1** · 25th July 2009, 20:02

kick her and her shit to the curb

**oldrider** · 25th July 2009, 20:05

You are in deep do do Swoop, there is more to this than meets the eye!

It's a power thingie, she has deliberately put "her" book on top of yours!

It's called the "Alpha book" syndrome, an old trick but they always believe it will work, eventually!

Quietly shift it and see how long it takes to return to the alpha position, be prepared to be beaten into submission!

**98tls** · 25th July 2009, 20:05

Methinks something of a sacrifice is needed,if me i would simply grab the clan and a change of clothing then liberally pour petroleum throughout every room in the house,light her up on the way out.Then at least you can rest easy having sent the offending item back to from where it came.

**Swoop** · 25th July 2009, 20:07

Originally Posted by oldrider

You are in deep do do Swoop,

Quietly shift it...

HOW?????????????
It burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: Right. I'm off to try and poke it with a stick. If I'm not back soon, send help ASAP! (Beer, cigars & porn might counter some of the effects).

**allycatz** · 25th July 2009, 20:13

Write a blog in the book about motorcycling....dare ya!!!!!

**Elysium** · 25th July 2009, 20:15

Originally Posted by Swoop

This demonic entity is worserer than Heilen Klerke crossbred with Winston Peters, and MUCH harder to move!

Don'y speak ill of the almighty god among mortals that is Winston.

**PrincessBandit** · 25th July 2009, 20:18

Give up now, you'll never win....

And be thankful it was only ONE book! (and at least it weren't knitting patterns for babies)

**Ixion** · 25th July 2009, 20:20

Tchah. You youffs nowadays is so impractical.

The solution's obvious and any old skool biker would see it right away.

Take a piece of MDF larger than either of the books. Cut into it a square corresponding in size and position to the cursed book, but a little larger .

Lay a line of foam sealant around the outside of both books and clamp the MDF over the top, with the cutout aligned to the cursed book.

Take another square of MDF, similar in size to the first. Cut a hole in what would correspond to the centre of the cursed book, and bolt thereunto an adaptor to suit the intake of a powerful industrial vacuum cleaner.

Clamp the second piece of MDF over the first, connect the vacum cleaner and turn it on. Unclamp, without turning off the vacuum. The cursed book will now be held in place by the vacuum. Remove the bike book to a place of safety and, at your leisure r decontaminate it with garlic, holy petrol and two stroke smoke.Position the vacuum over a large container of strong acid, and have an assistant ready with a lid for the container.

Turn off the vacuum, allowing the cursed book to fall into the acid. Clamp the lid on , and drop the container into a blast furnace (an active volcano crater is better but not so easily to hand in the amateur workshop).

Sorted. Easy as.

Why do I have to do all your thinking for you?

**Big Dave** · 25th July 2009, 21:59

I translate this as: 'Help - I'm pussy whipped'?
qed. HTFU and remove her bookmark.

**Laava** · 25th July 2009, 22:34

I think Ixions idea is the closest to the answer so far, brilliant in it's simplicity!
Just in case it hasn't begun it's cruel and hostile transmogrification, [Check to make sure the lowermost tome hasn't begun the change ie; title changing to "Twist my limp wrist"] try outright, unashamed flattery and place a mirror somewhere nearby. Worth a try at a pinch?

**sil3nt** · 25th July 2009, 23:01

Hate to be the bearer of bad news buy sadly you are going to have to burn your house down and start a new life

**Ocean1** · 25th July 2009, 23:22

Originally Posted by Big Dave

HTFU and remove her bookmark.

... carefully tear off the covers and swap teh contents. Replace bookmark at "Throttle control".

And by the by, that (tm) is registered to your's truely.

And HTFU, it's not Mills & Boon.