Best comeback line

[Conquiztador]

My ex g/f looked at me after I had done something she was not impressed with and said: "Jeesus!"

I answered: "Shush, I am under cover!"

[jetboy]

Sphincter-says-what?

[ynot slow]

Your tongue is so far up my arse I can taste it at the back of my throat.

[Ryan432]

this is gold...

[Genestho]

lol, a friend passed wind on the weekend, his lady said...


"Oh - a deposit from the hairy chequebook eh?"

[Trudes]

Or "Speak to me oh chocolate lips".

[UberRhys]

You are so full of shit yours eyes are brown...

[Insanity_rules]

I was at work one day and one of my workmates was fluffing around and being an idiot and doing his impression of Chewbacca from Star Wars, it was driving me nuts! so, I told him to give it a rest and he says to me..... "Why, your mum loves it when I do my Chewbacca noises" and, I said to him...... "its funny that you should use a Star Wars analogy coz, I was talking to my mum about you and I do recall that she described your cock as looking like a shrivelled up Yoda"! Everyone cracked up and I felt quietly pleased with myself for the rest of the day......

This wouldn't have been a guy called Matt would it?

[Number One]

I've always been fond of...

'Come here so I can rip off your head and shit in your neck'

Yeah....that one suits so many situations

[Number One]

Harden the fuck up.

he he he he yes an oldie but a goodie AND there's that other very similar one...

Why don't you start a thread about it?!

[Number One]

Every time someone politely enquires about my health and well being with a cheery "How are ya?" I try to resist the answer "None the better for you asking". It tends to bring on a rainbow of emotions across their face and telling them "You did ask" doesn't help.

Another good un for that is...

I am a box of birds (said with smile) ALL shit and feathers!

[george formby]

Unbelievable, 90 million sperm & you won!

[scumdog]

lol, a friend passed wind on the weekend, his lady said...


"Oh - a deposit from the hairy chequebook eh?"

On a similar theme: "Just stood on a frog did ya?"

[tzrmike]

Good one for kids or apprentices when they whine about a job you've given them to do..."Well, no point having a dog and barking myself."

Not a comeback, but a pre-empt, waiting in line at a club with gf and mates, get to the front of the line, doorman about to give the "full-up mate", I pointed at the id sign and say "Is this the minimum height for this ride?", he cracks a huge grin, and gives us the thumbs-up, "In ya go."

[c4.]

When people pop out inane or irrelevant statements/questions my standard reply is
" I've got an uncle in Ohio!" said in as close to the same tone/inflection as they used.
Smarter folk get it straight away, but often I get a blank look or a "What?"
So I fire back at them
"He's got acute angina" This can get you slapped until they process what you said.
If they are still thick as pigshit and want to take it further there is a list of inane facts about my uncle Tony in Ohio that is usually more interesting than the shit they were going to talk about.
*WIN*