Best line you've ever given a cop?

[ellipsis]

...thanks..

[cowboyz]

true story..

I got pulled over following meanie at 120ish k/hr with wife on back

cop walks up and goes....

going a bit quick.. any reason why I shouldnt give you a ticket.

I went.. yeah.. if you do Im not gonna get laid for a month!

He laughed and went back to his patrol car and left.

(I run out of gas about 2 k up the road..... karma? speeding is bad!)

[rwh]

Man..''Is that a truncheon in your pants or are you just pleased to see me''
Cop....''no its a Mars Bar''.

That or something very similar was on an episode of The Thin Blue Line - from (W)PC Habib to PC Goody.

Richard

[Maha]

That or something very similar was on an episode of The Thin Blue Line - from (W)PC Habib to PC Goody.

Richard

Exactly right, Habeeb saying it to Kevin.

[awayatc]

read NZ Cops quoting somewhere best lines they heard and let people off with....

Country cop pulling over pimplebum going to fast:

"I have been waiting for you all day boy"
Answer:
Sorry I got here as fast as I could officer....

[superman]

Since (as usual) we're not quite on topic.

Me: "You didn't stop at the Stop sign sir, that's why I stopped you.".

Him: "Aw shit, I almost stopped, what's the difference, it's near enough."

Me: "Well if I got out my baton and started beating the tar out of your head which would you rather I did, stop or almost stop..."

Ooo stop sign tickets are ridiculous! I hope you only issue them if they didn't stop and had a dangerous pull out. Not if they pulled out without any traffic coming at a stop sign where you can actually see from a slow roll...

[awayatc]

not a line, but still funny I thought....

Bike ride in Taranaki yesterday with well over 50 bikes, mostly Harleys with lots of halfhelmets and facemasks.
Paddywagon in front got passed at great rate of knots by the whole string.....
Halfway He pulled over to let ous pass...AND call in to warn his mates ahead in Hawera .
While we all refueled and parked up on main drag to regroup,Police vehicles were cruising up and down like sheepdogs eyeing a herd of buffalo,
Police cruisers in wait on way out of town.....
Just to make sure we left....?

[rwh]

Dad had an amusing story from a checkpoint ...

Officer: Evening sir, have you had any alcohol before drinking tonight?

Dad: No, have you?!

Apparently he straightened up and gazed off down the road with an expression that said "it's been a long night".

Richard

[Jdogg]

I guess my one time that I have given it to "the man" goes a little like this.

5am central Auckland at traffic lights (red) heading towards Greys ave, I see said copper at the lights at bottom of the greys ave, my light goes green I cruise off slowly, as soon as I went past him and start tuning right to go up greys ave, he slams on the anchors spins around at sets off after me (wtf) My work was bout half way up the street so I stop in the work driveway, conversation went like this

-Good Cop: going a bit fast there weren't you
Me: Nope would have been 45-50ks
Good Cop: No you were going at least 70k
Me: Did you get me on your radar (He hadn't, as my V1 did make a noise)
Good Cop: No
Me: Did you get a tracking history while following me and pace my speed out that way?
Good Cop: No
Me: So I wasn't speeding??

Now things get interesting with the bad cop that decided he need to show Good Cop how shit is done!!
*Good cop goes to check license and check car over*

Bad Cop: You were bloody flying mate, at least 70k+
ME: really??? when I saw you while I was stopped at the red light??
Bad cop: Yes, you were going fast enough for me to turn around and chase you
Me: wouldn't think so, def 50k at the most, Im not stupid enough to speed in front of a police car!!
Bad cop: Mate you were fucking flying (his words) I have been policing this area for 17 years and I know when someone is speeding!!
ME: So you got me on radar?? or vehicle pace check??
Bad Cop: No
ME: So how do you know I was speeding??
Bad cop: because I am the police and I am trained to tell when people are speeding and you were go so fast enough for me to turn around and chase you!!
Me: Actually officer, you saw a black sports car at 5am with a youngish looking person wearing a hoodie and you thought it would be an easy cop to finish the shift with....guess you were wrong!!
Bad cop: *Foaming at the mouth* Im the one who has to tell your wife you have died in a crash cause you drive like a fucking idiot and if you keep driving like that you are going to die and I for one wont be sad about it!!
Me: But I wasn't speeding......and Im not married.....and you have had your fifteen minutes of my time, So please have a great day and I hope I never have to deal with you again.

And with that I jumped into my car opened up the carpark building garage and went to work. I Bet good cop learnt some valuable lessons on how to deal with the public that night, Do not judge someone by their appearance and for the record I WAS Defiantly not speeding I had genuinely seen him before I even got a green light, he was really just hoping I was a 20 year old punk that would meekly except a ticket

[Oakie]

Well I haven't used it yet but I came up with this one on the way home one day...

"Sorry officer, but my wife just sent me a provocative pxt and invited me home for some afternoon delight. Unfortunately I have erectile disfunction so I'm trying to race home before my stiffy goes away". Just hope the officer doesn't ask for further evidence... although I do have an appropriate pxt or two to support that part of the story ...

[Owl]

I guess my one time that I have given it to "the man" goes a little like this.

The OP said best line...........not fucken novel

[Jdogg]

The OP said best line...........not fucken novel

Hey Im new to this and to be fair, you need the whole story to get the picture plus I was bored , sue me

[jasonu]

Hey Im new to this and to be fair, you need the whole story to get the picture plus I was bored , sue me

I liked it.

[Latte]

"Do you know how fast you were going sir?"

..." 50, maybe 55".... (while trying to hide my grin).

The cop left without saying a word.

He could hear my detector bleeping - showing we both knew he hadn't turned the radar on until I was doing ~ 50.

[aprilia_RS250]

Friend had bought a new bike few years back. Went over to SH18 near Albany to see how fast she can go. No traffic, it's like 3am on a Monday morning. Absolutely flooring it passes a car just before an overbridge maxing it out at 300kph. Goes to the caltex station to fill her up, this car pulls in. He shits himself when he sees it's a mufty holden! Female officer jumps out and goes "phew it's quiet tonight, need a coffee to stay awake" and gives him a wink and walks off. Could be horse shit, but have heard of cops catching people at 250kph and fining them for doing 140...