And Donald Trump is still alive... At 69...Originally Posted by Swoop
Hardcore Biker
And Donald Trump is still alive... At 69...
has made a bo-bo in his nappies
Whaaa? You mean D.T.'s fabulous comb-over.. is actually a mirkin?
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Well I'll be buggered, those bloody fools at the flipping hospital have only sodding gone and diagnosed me of having a mild case of blinking tourettes.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Forum whore
And right now is not a good time to be related to Celine Dion.
" Rule books are for the Guidance of the Wise, and the Obedience of Fools"
Motherfucker Of The Year !!!
Who is Celine Dion???And right now is not a good time to be related to Celine Dion.
I've spent my money on bikes, booze and babes. The rest I've wasted....
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Celine Dion has confirmed her husband Rene Angelil has died from cancer.
Nice try Celine, but Bowie's number one this week.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Forum whore
People will do anything to sell a few more records.
" Rule books are for the Guidance of the Wise, and the Obedience of Fools"
Chillin
What's a record?People will do anything to sell a few more records
must be showing my age
READ AND UDESTAND
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.
A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked
great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's
tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail.
Our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor then suggested
that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other
horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde
friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height.
When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse
was 2 inches taller than the black one
Enigma
Are my Testicles Black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me.
Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure
and heart rate from worrying about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand
and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - My - Test - Results - Back?"
You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
How can you recognise a French war-veteran?
Sunburned armpits.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
God's Evil Twin
They're these round things DJ's use, they move em back n forth in quick succession for that "wiki wiki" sound
Science Is But An Organized System Of Ignorance"Pornography: The thing with billions of views that nobody watches" - WhiteManBehindADesk
Chillin
Thought those were CDs.... Now computers don't seem to be coming out with these drives now days.
READ AND UDESTAND
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
Murphy go into a pastry shop with his mate.
His mate whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice.
His mate says to Murphy, "You see how clever I am, beat that! ...
Murphy says to his mate, "Watch dis, I is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya."
He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!"
The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him.
He eats this one too.
Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..."
The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He
eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells,
"OK... And now where is your famous magic trick?"
Murphy says....
"Now look in that guy's pocket!"
Scooter boy
While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say "Your Honor, I'm guilty but..... There were extenuating circumstances."
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honour, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.
I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise grip alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... The door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire," found me... standing on my tip-toes, half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did, but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honour, is exactly how her head ended up between clamps...." The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
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