Why men cheat.

[Winston001]

It really fucking depressing to read this thread actually and see that a large percentage of guys seem to believe they are almost doomed to cheat given their 'instincts and blah blah fucking blah'....

frankly I still think that is bollocks and it implies that men are not capable of 'free will or self control'...surely they are more sophisticated than the apes we all used to be.

Relax. Understanding our primal instincts doesn't give us excuses for breaking higher moral codes. Those codes also have a primal base - pair bonding is found in many animals apart from humans. Generally it occurs where there is a long gestation period and the offspring require both parents to ensure they survive.

Humans have the longest maturity development of all creatures - about 10 years, so its vital for a mother to know the father of her child will stick around to protect and feed both. Equally the father will stick around because he wants his genetic offspring to survive.

A sexual relationship with another woman is considered cheating. From an evolutionary perspective, that is explicable. If a man can create more children, its a win for his genes - but it also means divided resources. Now he has two families to support. On the African savannah with seeds, berries etc plus small animals for meat, the pickings were slim so supporting one family became primary.

None of that means a man will not cheat - if he can fool another man into raising his child. So men will take the opportunity if it presents itself. Which is why easy girls are popular, but not as potential partners - you can't be sure who's child you'll raise.

[Grahameeboy]

I think most people posting in this thread would agree that cheating does not necessarily have to involve deceit. IMO, cheating is a form of betrayal, where you do something "outside" of your relationship that your partner is not comfortable with, regardless of whether he/she knows about it. This can involve sex, gambling, internet porn, investing large sums of money without your partner's consent. In this thread, we are talking specifically about sex.

Dan cannot help it that he has sex with a dicktionary.......

Telling the partner is still no excuse eh....

[The Stranger:Me]

It really fucking depressing to read this thread actually and see that a large percentage of guys seem to believe they are almost doomed to cheat given their 'instincts and blah blah fucking blah'....frankly I still think that is bollocks and it implies that men are not capable of 'free will or self control'...surely they are more sophisticated than the apes we all used to be.

I'm going to go with communication here. I think that is the key element.
Unfortunately it requires that both parties communicate well, both talk and both listen and neither be judgemental.
On the face of it, that is easy, but unfortunately men and women are sooo different in this respect. Men not only need to have a good command of the English language but need to master the infuriatingly contradictory and mood dependent female dialect.

[MsKABC]

Dan cannot help it that he has sex with a dicktionary.......

Yep, dat boy got wiki on speed-dial, methinks!

Telling the partner is still no excuse eh....

Nope, not a get of jail free card IMO.

[Grahameeboy]

Yep, dat boy got wiki on speed-dial, methinks!



Nope, not a get of jail free card IMO.

Did you say he has a small "Wiki"

[Winston001]

This is a huge topic which we can only address in bits - great discussion by the way.

Returning to the original question: young men cheat because their hormonal drives are extraordinarily strong. If their fathers or significant role models have cheated, their concept of loyalty and fidelity is weak. They don't really get it.

Young women are similar although women are deeper thinking and place more importance on bonding. Easy girls mistake sex for love. Guys don't.

Older men: there is a view that marriages cannot survive beyond 20 years which was about the length of time in prehistory that would allow you to see grandchildren born, and for you to die. Ancient man/women lived to about 35yrs. Life was short and brutal.

So around that length of marriage things start to unravel. Men unconciously look for a younger child-bearing mate. If you can get through that time without straying then maturity kicks in and you'll stay together for life. However what has been happening lately is older women have gained confidence and decided enough is enough. Some older men can be pretty intolerable and when the chance comes, marriages of even 30 years break up. Usually the men have no understanding of why.

[Her_C4]

A couple of other reasons that men (and women) cheat that don't appear to be mentioned here:

Power
Control
Manipulation
P.I.G syndrome

and a lack of understanding or recognition of the repercussions of their actions....

[jrandom]

And frankly, having an affair to get yourself out of a marriage is just plain cowardly.

Believe me, there's women out there who, if you left them without another woman around to make it plain that you weren't still interested in them, would camp on your doorstep howling at the moon until you took them back.

I know. I was married to one of them!

Sometimes, a 'lever' (or would she be the fulcrum?) is an unpleasant necessity.

[SixPackBack]

Believe me, there's women out there who, if you left them without another woman around to make it plain that you weren't still interested in them, would camp on your doorstep howling at the moon until you took them back.

I know. I was married to one of them!

Sometimes, a 'lever' (or would she be the fulcrum?) is an unpleasant necessity.

Fair comment. Using 'temporary accommodation' is for some situations a necessity.

[MsKABC]

Believe me, there's women out there who, if you left them without another woman around to make it plain that you weren't still interested in them, would camp on your doorstep howling at the moon until you took them back.

I know. I was married to one of them!

Sometimes, a 'lever' (or would she be the fulcrum?) is an unpleasant necessity.

If you've already left the woman and made it plain to her that the marriage is over, then it's not an affair, is it? And there are things called restraining orders (or the NZ equivalent of, I know they're not called that) If you haven't ended the relationship, then having an affair in order to end it is still no excuse.

[Winston001]

For anyone interested there is a very good book - "When Good Men Behave Badly" by David Wexler.

[jrandom]

If you've already left the woman and made it plain to her that the marriage is over, then it's not an affair, is it?

Depends how you view the 'grey zone' while everything gets sorted out.

Obviously finding a 'lever' involves forming a relationship outside the marriage. It's difficult to manage that crossover period without a certain amount of dastardly goings-on.

But, frankly, IMHO, some women (and men, I'm sure) of the controlling and abusive sort lose all their rights to consideration and openness through the way they treat their spouse. So the dastardly goings-on prior to dropping the axe can be a simple matter of necessity. Obviously one would be looking to minimise the duration thereof, etc.

[Sully60]

On the African savannah with seeds, berries etc plus small animals for meat, the pickings were slim so supporting one family became primary.

Interesting point seeing as the the Maasai practice polygomy.
Not cheating as such but creating a large family group of varying genetic disposition has it's benefits.

[Number One]

creating a large family group of varying genetic disposition has it's benefits.

Fark now THAT is a worry :

Just kidding babe

[MsKABC]

Depends how you view the 'grey zone' while everything gets sorted out.

Obviously finding a 'lever' involves forming a relationship outside the marriage. It's difficult to manage that crossover period without a certain amount of dastardly goings-on.

But, frankly, IMHO, some women (and men, I'm sure) of the controlling and abusive sort lose all their rights to consideration and openness through the way they treat their spouse. So the dastardly goings-on prior to dropping the axe can be a simple matter of necessity. Obviously one would be looking to minimise the duration thereof, etc.

nokta nokta nokta, je paye tyai