Testicular injuries due to bike accidents...

[heyjoe]

This thread makes one feel a bit uneasy....

[90s]

This thread makes one feel a bit uneasy....

The you won't like this:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4407085a1860.html

And there's a thread started on this you probably want to aviod too.

[steveb64]

Worst one I ever saw was in the UK, after 6 weeks touring Europe, then two weeks at the IOM TT (me and the missus were pit crewing for mate), we still had a week to spare, so we all thought "Good time for a quick ride around the country..." All went well until the last day of the ride, when we were under way heading back from Scotland down the A1. We knew we needed to get onto the M1 to get us into the right place on the London ring road (M25?) to get back to where we were staying...

Mate, being a hoon, took off on his TDM850, passing in the LH lanes down the motorway - missus and I decided to be a little more law abiding, and sat in the RH lane harassing some prat in an Alfa who was doing about 150k, until he finally got the message, and moved over to let us through. Speed went up to 180 trying to catch up to mate... Then we noticed what looked like a nose-to-tail accident on one of the off-ramps. Second glance got "hmm - looks like a bike...". Third look, and we spotted the mates helmet (very distinctive paint job) on the ground surrounded by people - "OH SHIT!" - on go brakes, trying to scrub off speed at max possible, without missus rear-ending me on her bike, and veer across three lanes of traffic to verge. Did the sprint back up the motorway in full kit (hadn't even stopped to take helmet off), to find mate curled up in a foetal position in the middle of the road, between two stopped cars... Checked - "Yep - still breathing. He'll be OK" (I know my mate - I've seen him take some HUGE hits on dirt bikes, and get up and keep riding!).
Anyway - Ambo and cops turn up, mate gets loaded up, as they suspect possible back injuries (he had taken a short flight during the crash, and landed on his back), cops happy, as mate had all insurances, licences, etc. all to hand, so cop just had to copy all the details down. We looked at the bike - fucked - so we asked the cop about getting it collected "Yep, no problems, I'll organise it!", then we asked how to get to Doncaster hospital...

So after carting mates gear back to our bikes, loading it on, riding down to the next offramp, back past crash site, winding through Doncaster, finding park... I'm just feeding some coins into a vending machine to get a drink when "Afternoon all!" and mate comes walking (VERY bandylegged) into the waiting area! Asked him what he wanted to do - Catch a train back with his gear, Catch a train back without his gear (we'd just leave it on our bikes), or get doubled back on the back of the missus' RF900 (we'd figured we could probably restow all the gear, and fit him on)? He decided that he could still manage on the bike (his gear was still fine - not even marks on his helmet!) - then turns to Carol and says "Hey, I know you don't like pillioning people, so I can ride if you like!" - well that cracked us up! We then told him we'd already decided that Carol was getting the Duc to ride, and I'd double him on the RF. Well, we had to wait for the cops to come back to us (we'd agreed to meet at the hospital), so we went out and repacked the gear on the bikes - the cop turned up, and was real cool - turned out he used to go to the TT almost every year (spectating) himself, and was laughing about mate surviving racing there, then taking himself (no one elses fault) on the motorway. He decided that as we were about to leave the country, and mate was all insured and legal, that it wasn't worth the hassle of giving him a ticket! "Besides" he added, "He's suffered enough already!" So we finished gearing up, and hit the road again.

A couple of days later, back in London at friends house having a barbecue, and we're discussing the crash. Turned out the mate is colour blind (which we knew, from some interesting scenes in Spain, at red lights...), had spotted the A1 -> M1 off ramp, so had peeled off motorway onto it. Unfortunately for him, it was a two lane off ramp, which had the left lane turning left at top, but right lane had a roundabout - and a queue of traffic waiting. Mate was still doing 120-130k, when he noticed a strange white shape in the air - then he realised it was a car roof. Then realised that something he couldn't see was between it and him (a green NEW Mercedes). He reckoned (and backed up by a truckie - also a biker) thet he tried braking "Nope, wasn't going to work", tried to swerve "Nope, still not gonna work", so sat up, straightened bike, and relaxed. Luckily, the guy in the Mercedes had seen him coming, and taken the handbrake off - and the foot brakes - and braced himself. Mate slammed into the back of the Merc, then used his balls as rollers, to launch up the seat (TDM's have a seat that runs right up to near the fuel cap), and over the bars. He must have still been slightly at an angle, as he flew over the Merc, and landed in the middle of the LH lane - SPLAT on his back. The next bits he didn't really remember that well - but the truckie who'd been behind him reckoned he leaped up, took 3-4 steps towards the stopped traffic in the RH lane, then said something like "I think I've hurt meself", then folded over and collapsed... which was where we found him.

So saying, he then carefully pulled up the leg on his shorts, and showed off the family jewels - the colour of Black plums they were - or blood clot purple! Even the ladies went Oooowwww! At least they hadn't swollen to any huge size - but fuck me they must have hurt!