Sex - or no sex?

**alanzs** · 6th August 2008, 15:27

Originally Posted by Max Headroom

Yeah, you could call me "religious" I suppose. I have a faith, and no, I'm not bothered by questions. I occasionally stumble to answer clearly or concisely, so I can tend to waffle a bit until I eventually get to the point...

As far as scripture verses are concerned, I don't have any references to hand but there are verses in the new testament that refer to sexual self-control, and suggesting marriage if you are "burning with lust" or something similar. Promiscuity and adultery are predictably also no-no's. Sexual purity is a recurring theme.

Not everyone will agree with the choices I've made, and that's OK. I'm not suggesting it's for everyone, and frankly it's none of my business how others choose to live their lives. It worked for me, but I can see that it could potentially end in tears for others. Perhaps I hadn't made that clear enough with my earlier post, as I've noticed I've been red-blinged for it....

I simply offer my opinion on the premise that there is an alternative that avoids a lot of emotional and physical baggage being brought into a marriage.

About 80% of divorces end in marriage - to someone else. Of those remarriages, the biggest single reason for the subsequent marriage failing was unresolved issues from the previous relationship.

As far as sex is concerned, good sex is usually the product of a good relationship, not the reason. If areas of the relationship such as emotional needs, respect and trust are functioning well, and other areas such as finances, accommodation, jobs, family, and outside friendships are OK, then sex is usually very good. If good sex is one of only a few areas functioning well, then the relationship often doesn't last long.

As the yanks would say, your mileage may vary!

Thanks for sharing your views, I do appreciate it. I do tend to think that many people that don't have a good "moral compass" end up with a lot of baggage that they bring into relationships and carry around with them in their lives which may keep them from functioning to their highest potential. What a good "moral compass" is is totally subjective, which makes free choice, logic and life, so interesting.

As a "yank" I thought I'd share this with you as well:
What's a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy does it alone...

**Mom** · 6th August 2008, 16:58

Originally Posted by Max Headroom

As far as sex is concerned, good sex is usually the product of a good relationship, not the reason.

So true! Dont worry about the knockers, each to their own is my motto.

Originally Posted by alanzs

As a "yank" I thought I'd share this with you as well:
What's a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy does it alone...

As a Canadian

I found that very funny

**Max Headroom** · 6th August 2008, 17:51

Originally Posted by alanzs

Thanks for sharing your views, I do appreciate it. I do tend to think that many people that don't have a good "moral compass" end up with a lot of baggage that they bring into relationships and carry around with them in their lives which may keep them from functioning to their highest potential.

I agree with you about the baggage in our lives. We all have it, and we drag it around with us, sometimes grizzling about it, other times resigning ourselves to it as "our lot". If it gets really bad we might do something about it under duress......

My baggage wasn't from previous relationships or marriages, since I never seriously dated anyone else before meeting my wife. Mine was from my upbringing, my culture, my parents, all sorts of things. These things all affected my relationship with my wife in subtle (and not so subtle!) ways by influencing my attitudes and expectations. Those things are mostly now either dealt with or under some control, although perhaps my wife would be a better judge of that!!

And thanks Mom for your encouragement!

**jrandom** · 6th August 2008, 18:49

Originally Posted by Mom

Dont worry about the knockers...

You're an arse man too?

Sorry, I'll get my coat...

**Mom** · 6th August 2008, 19:32

Originally Posted by jrandom

You're an arse man too?

Sorry, I'll get my coat...

Trust you

Actually I do like bottoms...but I am rather partial to boobs too

Guess which one is me?

**Number One** · 6th August 2008, 20:33

Originally Posted by Mom

Guess which one is me?

Sully wants to know if you are the one with the smallest cock?

**The Lone Rider** · 6th August 2008, 22:27

My last gf I felt that way about...

So maybe you can be attached to someone for their support and personality, but not neccessarily have the urg to grab them and let them know in no uncertain terms you want it and want it now!

**Winston001** · 7th August 2008, 00:21

Originally Posted by alanzs

I have a question, and please know I am not attacking yours or anyones beliefs. Why do many religious sects/denominations say not to have sex

before marriage? I can understand the logic in the old days (pre-birth control) that you didn't want to have a bunch of kids, so abstinence was promoted and that you wanted to know who the father was for inheritance, support, etc. but other than that it seems more emotion/dogma based.

The deeper answer is that as social structures have evolved, so have rules developed to bring stability to the structure. In prehistory a tribe of 12 people were an extended family and didn't need many rules. But when tribes became large, and then villages arose, it became important to know your wife was bearing your child. You wouldn't want to raise another man's genetic offspring.

Sexual restriction also meant a woman, tied down with child rearing, could rely upon her husband to keep coming back to her if he wasn't allowed to be sexually active elsewhere.

It also yielded a more peaceful and stable community because men could go hunting secure in the knowledge their wives weren't making merry with other men. Wives felt more secure knowing their husbands couldn't easily find a replacement.

Primitive religion was the method of generating rules (laws), just as religions seek to teach moral laws today.

All part of evolutionary psychology.

**alanzs** · 7th August 2008, 11:25

Mom - Glad you liked the "Yankee" joke. My Dad was from Toronto, so I am half-Canadian! The sensible half, as my wife has told me on so many occasions...