If General Motors were like general Microsoft

**Biff** · 30th May 2005, 16:25

Do you lot remember this? It's a true take on a spat between Microshaft and GM some years ago. Another thread reminded me of it.

Well I think it's funny anyhoo.

If General Motors Were Like Microsoft

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

**That Guy** · 30th May 2005, 16:39

great - haven't seen that before but so true. Did Gates ever repsond?

**Wolf** · 30th May 2005, 17:04

Apparently Mr Welch did retort "Who wants to drive a car that crashes five times a day" which probably inspired the above - variants of which have circulated for years. A version I saw had "ABS brakes would ask "are you sure" before working."

It's internet fiction - but good fiction.

**Yarg** · 30th May 2005, 17:07

That been around a while.

**zadok** · 30th May 2005, 17:24

I had not heard it before, but I like it!

**Biff** · 30th May 2005, 20:02

Originally Posted by Yarg

That been around a while.

Well done that man. Read the intro did you?

Originally Posted by That Guy

great - haven't seen that before but so true. Did Gates ever repsond?

Don't know sorry.

**Sniper** · 1st June 2005, 12:13

Nice Biff

**froggyfrenchman** · 2nd January 2006, 19:07

Dont know if this has been posted before, if so can a kind mod please delete.

Couple of yrs ago at a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.

4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

5. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

6. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

7. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

8. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

9. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.