ah took the high road up Ben Cliffhanger

[scracha]

Wi aw them kiwi's rippin the pish oot oh me aboot no ridin fur months ah hud nae choice and went doon tae the wairarapa wi ma Italian beastie fur a wee burl up Ben Cliffhanger. Ah didnae ken aboot the mental speeds I wid be daen but cos oh ma hillbilly kiwi interweb ah didnae see the youtube video until aboot twa days a'fore the event.

Eftur bumpin intae a wee lassie ah kent frae Te Aroha at Hamilton Airport I caught the Air New Zealand Fokker biplane doon tae Wellywood. Man, it wiz gid tae see the place frae up there, aw the hills an' all. When the propellers slowed doon ah wiznae sure if the plane had skidz and wiz goannie land on the water but sure enough we bumped doon on a runway that wiz bumpetty enuf tae huv been made by Fulton Hogan's finest gadges.

Mr "Drew" Mair wiz guid enuff tae collect me frae the airport and eftur dining on some of Wellywood's finest cuisine with his lovely quine Vicky "Flame" we sauntered over tae his man auld Craig's hoose whereupon we chewed the fat whilst I demonstrated muh bike mechanical fixing skills. Ah wiz even introduced intae the sect oh the bogan (but fur obvious reasons ah cannie divulge aw the secrets).

Saturday morn and Simon, Drew and mah'sel sauntered roond tae collect the lovely Helen's. Fur a trained chef the daftie couldnae make us a coffee but all wiz furgiven when ah realised she'd be providing the stunt show oan a bike aboot 10 times mair powerful than a wee quine like her wiz used tae. Upon arriving at the Ben Cliffhanger fashionably late, in whit felt like a few seconds ah wiz oan mah bike and oot up the brae. Man it was a braw, bright day and luckily so fur the Ben wiz sae high it might huv dissapeared intae the clouds. Twa commutes up the ben later and ah decided ah hud mibby stop lookin at the scenery as ah could only manage 3.06m. Ah pulled ma socks up and wi a wee bit o' eggin oan frae Vicki managed a 2.45m. Muh italian beastie wiz huvin a bad day so ah took it easy oan the last jaunt.

Offski tae the campsite whereupon my sweaty baws wur cooled doon wi a wee dip in the local high heid yin's private burn. At least, it wiz his private burn until ah dived in tae join him. The local natives played their hillbilly music and ah hud a few rum's and ah wiz fu and mibby haverin oan a wee bit. Eftur the "scissor sisters" went in their tent, Helen's mannie Malcolm suggested I sleep in the traditional Kiwi "al fresco" style and indeed whit a braw moon licht nicht saturday wiz.

Sunday, efter washin ma face in the morning dew, the local chieftan (whit a top bloke even made us aw breakfast in the morning. Porridge next time laddie! Up the Brae again an' bein a dunderheid ah hud forgotten the road and efter lockin up mah beastie intae the cliffhanger and a long false neutral ah could only dae a 2.46. Wi aw the stones on the road ah missed the 2nd run in order tae put some mesh (thanks tae father o' the blonde viking Jay Lawrence) oan ma air inlets. The 3rd run it wiz rainin at the bottom of the ben but us Scots ayewiz like it drookit so ah took off guid style. Ah rode like a man possessed wi some spinnin and slidin and didnae back off oan the fast bits. Unfortunately mah beastie wiznae goin tae good and ah wiz fair scunnered tae only manage 2.45. A wee change of fuel leads and the 4th run wiz fast and smooth. Mah bike wiz still struggling to pull through 4th gear and 6th wiz only a dream so ah could only dae 2.44. Ah decided mah beastie wiznae in the mood tae catch Flame's beastie so ah put her back in her paddock. I'll mibby treat her tae a power commander as she didnae cut oot aw weekend.

Whit a crackin weekend and a tribute to the Wellington tribe are their brethern Cliffhanger organisers. Whit better way tae get back intae riding?

• "chopper" Sloan - yer a fuckin radge gadge man and thanks tae you and yur missus for takin ma bubba bike and aw the $hite that goes wi it doon tae wellywood.
• Simon "Limbtwin" - unicorn power is slowly but surely taking over ma timorous beasties. Mibby I'll get oot muh box brownie and show ye?
• "Number one" Sherie - Man, whit a braw erse ye huv lassie. May ah be as bold as tae say it's brawer than Vickys?
• "Quasievil" - Fur taking me back and listening tae aw the pish mr coo Poos an mah'sel wur spoutin'
• Trudy "Mrs Kendog" - Truly the filthiest woman ah huv ever met since I wiz teaching in Essex. Yer Kendog trainer does a fine job. Ah dinnae ken if the
• "bertie basset" juice will come oot.
• Drew & Vicky - Whit can ah say? Taxi'd me around, put me up in their but n' ben and introduced me tae the Wellywood crew.
• Cliffhanger Organisers - Genius event. In it's own way as enjoyable as racing but way more relaxed with the "turn up when you like" starting system.

[limbimtimwim]

Ahh approove Steevee

[James Deuce]

I now have a fookin' aneurysm from trying to read that ginga dialect.

[flame]

Great write up ther matie! even if it took me 20mins to read it.

Was awesome entertainment having you along. Especially since you fit the 'bogan' status so dam well

Sorry ya bike wern't running so well, great effort up there all the same.


AND...... if ya sell tha weee bestie Im gonna keck yer wee wanga!

[Trudes]

I totally agree with everything you may or may not have just said, I realised on Sunday that the more pissed I became the better I understood you! It was a pleasure to meet you, feel free to come and get on the piss with us again next time you're in Welly, and I'll have some more filthy topics to discuss at length with you.

[Clivoris]

Smashing report Scracha.

[Drew]

Struggled through that bro, and it occurs to me, that must have taken fooken ages to write.

Well done on the bike, great partying with ya, welcomb bach inee tim.

[Kendog]

Was great meeting you, I was in shits and giggles on Saturday night. I was even pissing myself when I could understand what you were saying

Here are some pictures of you "up the brae"

[Sully60]

Och Aye, twiz fookin greet tae meet ya.

You make a good bogan, anyone who can be up drinking Bertie Basset juice at 1am, sleep outside and get on the next day and go hard has got my respect.

Feel bummed for you the 748 didnae go as good as it could've, maybe next year you'll have to come back with a protwin eh laddie?

Oh and that braw arse belongs too me, so thanks for the compliment

[McJim]

Ach weel ah'm glad ye hud a guid time fella an' dinae fa' aff like a wee tosspot or summat. Ah thoucht yer we eye tie beastie wiz red though. When did ye drap it innavat o' siller pain an a' that shite?

Looks a bit like a Gary Glitter thingumyjig.

Guid write up a' the same.

[Number One]

Crikey!

It were greet tae meet ya Mr Scracha. Feck gobshite I canne type in a Scottish accent! Bugger it...back to English (which I also struggle with at times!)

Enjoyed your report and though I did have to re-read most of it a few times one bit made complete sense. Infact that wee comment of yours was the highlight of my weekend...especially as I was a fairly generously rounded lassy till recently and my erse was definately not so braw.

Next time you are doon be sure to pop into Monsters Inc again for a drinky poo - we have a spare bed so yer welcome to camp over - we'll even let you sleep inside!

[Marknz]

'kin 'ell, I'm gonna have to go open the fridge just to be able to read that...

[Str8 Jacket]

ummmm, I kinda get what you're trying to say there mate..... Cheers for the laughs over the weekend, I think you're one of the only people ive met that speaks more shite than me! I thought you did bloody well getting out there on Sunday after the night you had. Shame about your bike, you best be coming back next year, eh!

[Toast]

Dude that was hard to read.

Good effort going up there in the rain.

Buy a Japper!

[Trudes]

Hey scracha, it's probably just as well you slept out in the open on Saturday night, Malcolm may have thought you'd taken him some licorice to bed as a peace offering.