Gremlin... This is your life!

**gijoe1313** · 15th January 2009, 19:56

Well as some people know, Gremlin and I did a two week riding tour of the Mainland (South Island).

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Rarely have I spent so much time in the company of one person. You really start to get to know the foibles, the idiosyncratic ways, the peculiar habits and traits of the other person.

What can I say about Gremlin?

He is first and foremost a stand up guy. He is definitely one guy you would want in front of you taking the bullets. Also he has an amazing sense of humor and appreciates the absurd and can make astounding leaps in logic.

His passion and fetish for gadget knows no bounds and he brooks no deviation from hallowed ideas he enshrines. Givi boxes. Pannier racks. Laptops. Camera gear that is worth more than some bikes.

His itinerant lifestyle as an IT professional (read : compgeeknerd) means he is used to working late hours and sleeping in even later. This was of no small amount of frustration with me.

I am a late night owl and an early morning person. I can switch onto active status in a moments notice! When I was ready to ride at 7am, Gremlin would be ... fast asleep. He often would take his sweet time and mooch around scratching himself in his pajamas and pulling out his laptop to muse on the latest KB offerings.

At the beginning of the tour, I thought this was a temporary thing, I thought he would be charging hard into the rides and seizing the day, Carpe Diem and all that!

How wrong I was.

Below is a little expose of pictures that shows some of the myriad poses of this complex creature known as Gremlin...

Pic 1 : After 624km or so, Gremlin needed to rest his weary bones, the KTM is a dominatrix, and she punishes her earstwhile charge. A love hate relationship for sure.
Pic 2 : His stature seems so hobbit like when he is on the ground, recuperating ...
Pic 3 : Gremlin is an avid photographer, he really commits himself to a good shot and he contorts his lengthy frame to compose the picture well. Looks blardy funny to me!

Pic 4 : Gremlin is also a very intimidating figure. He cuts a subconscious rendition of the Grim Reaper in his black leathered attired. He loomed in on the poor booth worker and I can only imagine the effect he had on the poor person. Filthy biker scum eh?

Pic 5 : At rest, he is a picture of modesty and innocence, it belies the apocalyptic rider he is on his katoom o'doom. A horseman of the apocalypse is he, the 6th rider that is not named!
Pic 6 : The first appearance of the laptop on the trip, we commandeered floor space need the ferry access to the vehicle deck. He needed to use the range of the wireless connection before the ferry went out of contact with netspace ... and thus civilisation to Gremlin!

This is part of the large SI tour we did, here is a link to the piccies I took from my perspective http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...ad.php?t=90415

**Trudes** · 15th January 2009, 20:02

hahaha, awwww, don't go changing A.

**gijoe1313** · 15th January 2009, 20:15

Now, at this stage dear reader, I guess you are wondering why I am doing such a fine rendition and expose on this towering legend of a rider.

In part and parcel it is an acknowledged tip of the helmet to Gremlin. It is also part and parcel of revenge. It is also part and parcel of the whole merchandising tie up that this SI tour and my own irreverent sense of humor also!

But I digress ... here I bring on more tributes to the way this rider has extended my abilities as a biker and exposed my own failures as a human being. He tested my patience, my resolve, my candour, my courage, my endurance, my self-belief, my own philosophy.

He is a maniacal and fiendish rider when he is astride his KTM. The change is like night and day. Mild mannered IT geekboy becomes a faustian creature of riding legend, an epic teller of riding stories and a spectacular vision to behold (when you aren't cleaning off bits of the local flora from yourself and your bike when you are riding behind him!

)

I was nonplussed when I was confronted with the paradox that is Gremlin. Off the bike, out of his gear he is slow as wet wigs, in fact, a sloth that is using crutches is faster than him! He would set his alarm for 8am. When it went off he would roll over and deactivate it and roll back to sleep.

Even with me pouncing on him, doing infamous cat paw massage techniques, musical numbers and other early morning person stuff would not rouse him! Truly amazing.

But once he has donned his riding gear, it is a completely different scenario. The KTM would roar off into the distance and leave me flabbergasted. Corners eaten in twists of the throttle, tight curves spanked hard by his disdain for its complexities of physics. Every normal thing you expect is blown asunder by his dextrous handling of his chosen ride.

Pic 1 : Here would be a common sight on the trip, Gremlin flat out on his back snoozing away, to be fair this time he had hardly any sleep in the past 48 hours, I took this as a great sign of his riding endurance, at last, someone to rival my own stature as a pootler par excellence. How soon I was to be abused of that

Pic 2 : The lady was quite amused seeing him slumber, she said he looked quite cute when he was asleep! (I never told him this until now in this thread!)

Pic 3 : The obvious work place of an IT professional. The bed, talk about your telecommunting! This was our 2nd day in the SI, waking up, he logs on immediately!

I was packed by this stage.

Pic 4 : In Nelson, Gremlin doing what Gremlin does best when he is off his Katoom o'doom. Is that a laptop I espy? Gasp! Shock! Horror!

Pic 5 : Ladies, how can you not resist this fabulous representation of man meat? Guys, he does ride a Honda too you know! He swings it both ways! Line up line up!

Pic 6 : Serious kudos in Hokitika, looking like a serious IT professional, with turtleneck and a countenance that is hard at work ... on minesweeper or solitaire!

This shot was just before some Israelian girls did a WWF rendition slamming into the couch!

**Donor** · 15th January 2009, 20:20

Post #2

Shot #2

Such cleavage right next door, and he's SLEEPING??

Mein Gott!

**gijoe1313** · 15th January 2009, 20:20

I guess in the best traditions of "This is your life" type programs I had to dig up lots of trash and papparazzi type tidbits.

Did you know ...

Gremlin has a sweet tooth? He is like Madbikeboy in his cravings for fine sweet things ... if you want to win him over, toss baked goods and sugary confectionary things at him!

Did you know ..

He drinks blue powerade due to his attendance to a Grand Challenge and couldn't decide on a taste he liked? He chose blue and its been blue powerade ever since! I always like trying new things and always get new flavors. Consistent is this boy!

Did you know ...

He likes to pick insects off his helmet by dabbing it with his finger and then flicking it disdainfully off to the side in the wind?

Did you know ...

He gets distracted by hawt chicky babes and it is the only thing that will make him take a bad line into a 35kph corner in Kaiteriteri beach!

Pic 1 : Creepy innit being with gijoe1313, but as you know, the early bird gets the worm ... and in this case isn't he so cute? Awww diddums!

by the way, this is the bed in Hokitika where he left a Gremlin sized hole in the mattress, it was so soft I kid you not! He had to roll out of the bed to get up!

Pic 2 : This is in Franz Josef. As you can see he has taken over the table, ready to do battle and find any unguarded networks to mooch connections off! Such a warrior off and on his bike!

Pic 3 : The matrix effect I was going for! Anyway note the attire, casual shirt, cargo pants, bare feet ... this is the suit du jour for IT professionals apparently. Better than zeocen who does it only in his panties!

Now that's enough to put you off your dinner!

Pic 4 : Fox Glacier. They talk about a red garbed camo ninja ... here is the deathknight level 75 version with Gotterdammerung Steed of Slaying with Unholy Pipes of Decibel Destruction. When people see me, they know I can't be serious. With Gremlin, he puts the intimidation into the little people.

Pic 5 : Too much sweet loving for his bitch mistress dominatrix Katoom o'doom. I blame it on his Honda thing he has going as well.

Pic 6 : FPS - KiwiBiker Killer ... I selected F1 and got the standard knife. Gremlin has somehow morphed into Kevin Spacey.

**Trudes** · 15th January 2009, 20:37

At this point I'm beginning to think he's going to kill you J.

**gijoe1313** · 15th January 2009, 20:48

Well, ladles and jellyspoons, I come before you to stand behind you, to tell you more of something I know nothing about! (with apologies to Spike Milligan)

This nebulous character known as Gremlin is a complicated Freudian mish-mash of contradictions, oxymorons and emphatic communion. Often I would be

and

with this fellow.

On one hand he says the most logical and sensible thing. The next second he sounds like a schizophrenic axe-wielding homicidal maniac! (with apologies to Alexi Sayle in the Young Ones)

He started to delineate two parts of his character. His real name persona and the persona known as Gremlin. He would refer to himself in the 3rd person...

For example ...

"Gremlin is responsible for these things, (name withheld) is not in at the moment and will be with you shortly..."

"Gremlin is much amused by this and is unrepentant for your suffering ..."

"Gremlin thinks this is a good idea ..."

Run away when he is like this, no good came of it and in fact increased the weirdness index that we came across!

Pic 1 : At Gillespie beach, Gremlin took shots of the gravel road, but insisted none be taken of him, I guess this thread has blown that request away!

Pic 2 : In bed at Franz Josef, the usual shot I took - this time he managed to get some of me doing my morning surfing exercises! Maybe he will post them in revenge soon for this thread!

Pic 3 : Here is a scary shot. When I came down to get stuff ready for riding and to clean my Big Ol'Hornet it looked like someone had decapitated Gremlin and left the head there! I knew it wasn't me as much as I would love to! In bed in the garage of McJim, Invercargill.

Pic 4 : Gremlin and Jantar doing what they do best, playing with gadgets galore. GPS, texting and other what nots!

Pic 5 : In Invercargill, this is the reservoir dogs shot. Attitude from Gremlin at its finest. Notice his cycling pants and the bicycles in the background. Yes, it is true, Gremlin used to be a pushie and he never let anyone else know about it! McJim and him had a lot to talk about shitmanos and other cycling idioms.

Pic 6 : Wanaka with an Angel on his bed. See the petulant look on his face once he realised I was dare taking a picture of him!

Angel of course is a true trooper and was waiting for Gremlin to log on! Searching for unsecured networks of course is our Gremlin!

**Sharry** · 15th January 2009, 21:02

Pleased to see that he wasn't the only one with a camera. He shall never be seen in the same light again

**EJK** · 15th January 2009, 21:05

You've got a very good friend there!

**gijoe1313** · 15th January 2009, 21:08

Well folks, its time to wrap up this wing ding extravaganza of character buildup and assassination!

Gremlin is a cool young guy. He's hip, he's cool, he's an ultra nerd. He rides like a bat out of hell with the devils and demons pursuing him. He can loft his KTM to do things not in the design manual and he is ultra confident in his abilities. Very little is Gremlin not able to do.

He has strong definite ideas, is able to lead and also to follow, can make snap decisions and yet also mull over them. A steadfast nature, loyal, patient, able to be serious and concentrate over long periods of time. Wicked sense of humor and as I have said before, someone you know would be there on the firing line. He makes a bigger target and thus attracts more fire. Good for me.

Pic 1 : Hanmer Springs. Notice the fine figure he cuts beneath the linen. Such a dashing young man, why does he have to have equipment share the bed instead of a nubile young lady who caters to his every whim? I guess thats what he's dreaming about when he snuffles and snurfs in his sleep!

Pic 2 : Oh! What is this? Little raccoon (tanuki in japanese) is pouncing on sleeping Gremlin! Aiya! Kawaii desu ne!

Pic 3 : At McJim castle, looking for all the world like a hobbit, an optical illusion that reduces the cloud soaring stature of Gremlin to a mere mortal. Why am I not surprised he is looking at a computer screen? :slap: