Depression...

[DarkHeart]

Well if i wasn't sure if i had some sort of depression,i'm fcuking sure now. I went to my usual monthly paintball day which usually cures a lot of what fcuks me off,but today all i wanted to do was crawl under the nearest rock or whatever and die.........................felt totally worthless and hopeless. Even while i was driving to the event i nearly turned around so mant times and went home. And while i was there i didn't wanna be round anybody but had to becuse i'm the vice captain of the team. What a fcuker of a day. Anyway hope this is ok to post here,i just needed to get it out and don't have anybody i can do that with. Sorry. Peace out.

[deanohit]

Know how ya feeling there Darkheart, good on you for continuing on even though you didn't want to, shows you don't want to let the demon get the better of you. Feel free to let it out.

Oh, and welcome to the madhouse!

[DarkHeart]

Cheers Deanohit. I've only read bout 16 odd pages in this thread so far,but all bar a few have been good to read in one form or another. I can relate to alot of whats been said and find it bloody helpful. Gives me a whole new way of seeing things. Kitty has done the same for me as well. Hug for u kitty. As far as i kno it is a demon(at least IMHO) which takes control of me whenever it so desires. Sometimes i see it coming and am powerless to stop it,other times it smacks like a freight train from somewhere i can't even imagine.

[carver]

SEX ACTION

works for me

[deanohit]

Been following this thread since the start, and it prompted me to sign up to KBer so I could post on here. Tell ya what, KBer has been a huge help for me in that it got me out meeting other people I felt comfortable around which is great, gets me out riding with other people and generally keeps me busy, hence my user title. Tryin and keep my mind of other things happening at the moment which arn't very pleasant.

So what bike are yoy thinking of getting?
I find theres nothing like a relaxed cruise out in the fresh air (away from Aucks) to clear the mind.

[DarkHeart]

Much like you i signed up here. Because Kitty said it would be a good place to atart. I fully agree. As for the bike,i'm not sure yet. I've had alot of time and experience on various farm bikes over the years. But planning(in next 12 months)to get a basic beginner bike and go from there. I wanna get fully into this "2" wheel experience. LOL. And while i'm at it,meet more and more like minded people who aren't shallow and judge me on how i look and act,because i act in very odd ways to hide the real me. Basically because nobody thinks i can be who i really am without being labelled "soft" or a "poofter" or some other such rather lovely name. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!! Fcuk life pisses me off!:angry2:

[deanohit]

And while i'm at it,meet more and more like minded people who aren't shallow and judge me on how i look and act,because i act in very odd ways to hide the real me.
What I've found really cool meeting other members is that you have an opinion of them before you meet them. You've pretty much already met & had a few laughs, thought 'yea, they sound like a good bugger', that way when you meet in person, you already know you get on with them. :yes:
I must get up to Aucks and meet some of the crew up there, will probably be in the new year though.

[DarkHeart]

oh yeah,Carver,SEX would probably work to some degree(very small at that) but it helps to have someone to do the afforementioned act with. LOL. Unfortunately that ain't gonna happen. Lost the partner option couple months or so ago. So yeah,not much chance of that.

[deanohit]

Yea, the sex works, it's dealing with the partner though,:shutup: often fucks you up even more.:bash: And no way am I paying for it. <_<

[Blue Babe]

Basically because nobody thinks i can be who i really am without being labelled "soft" or a "poofter" or some other such rather lovely name. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!! Fcuk life pisses me off!:angry2:

Personally I think if a man can't show his feminine side then he isn't "Man" at all. My partner is definately masculine, but he has a soft side to him which he shows all the time. I'm a very lucky girl to have him in my life, because I've got all the support & love I need now & he shows it, which not many men can. (I hope he's got the same from me:love:) I don't know why it is so hard for a Man to show his feelings, would probably save an aweful lot of hassles. Mind you some woman are the same:confused:

[jazbug5]

oh yeah,Carver,SEX would probably work to some degree(very small at that) but it helps to have someone to do the afforementioned act with. LOL. Unfortunately that ain't gonna happen. Lost the partner option couple months or so ago. So yeah,not much chance of that.

I've a feeling that the only kind of action Carver sees is of the solo variety... with a very small pair of tweezers.

[steveb64]

Just a thought guys... Any of you tried changing diets? My wife has a gluten allergy that is the weirdest shit... 3 days (and this has been re-tested MANY times) after eating anything with gluten (protein component in wheat, rye, barley, oats) she hits a HUGE crashing black depression. Sort of like PMTx10. The WORST PMTx10! :gob: And it only takes like two breadcrumbs to set it off...:(
The other thing is, it seems to be genetic - her mum and sister both get it, but brother doesn't. Sisters daughters get it, but not the son. Brothers kids seem to be OK... Glad we've got two boys. :yes:

Eggs (well, egg yolks) also set her off (we just re-discovered) - but no 3 day wait... and the depression isn't quite so bad, but she gets a bit cranky tho...:whistle:

I get something similar too - never realised it until well after we'd met - Something in Chinese Rice Risotto's - I 'think' it's the 5-spice?? Turns me into the GRUMPIEST MEANEST ARSEHOLE around... :Oops: A right bugger too, 'cos I like Chinese Rice Risotto.

One word of warning - if anyone DOES decide to try going gluten free - you have to READ (in minute detail) EVERY label! The damndest things have gluten in them (like Energy chocolate!). Try it for a few (4-5) weeks, then have a slice of bread - and see if you go downhill (may take 2 or 3 or 4 days though).

[007XX]

Just a thought guys... Any of you tried changing diets? My wife has a gluten allergy that is the weirdest shit... 3 days (and this has been re-tested MANY times) after eating anything with gluten (protein component in wheat, rye, barley, oats) she hits a HUGE crashing black depression. Sort of like PMTx10. The WORST PMTx10! :gob: And it only takes like two breadcrumbs to set it off...:(
The other thing is, it seems to be genetic - her mum and sister both get it, but brother doesn't. Sisters daughters get it, but not the son. Brothers kids seem to be OK... Glad we've got two boys. :yes:

Eggs (well, egg yolks) also set her off (we just re-discovered) - but no 3 day wait... and the depression isn't quite so bad, but she gets a bit cranky tho...:whistle:

I get something similar too - never realised it until well after we'd met - Something in Chinese Rice Risotto's - I 'think' it's the 5-spice?? Turns me into the GRUMPIEST MEANEST ARSEHOLE around... :Oops: A right bugger too, 'cos I like Chinese Rice Risotto.

One word of warning - if anyone DOES decide to try going gluten free - you have to READ (in minute detail) EVERY label! The damndest things have gluten in them (like Energy chocolate!). Try it for a few (4-5) weeks, then have a slice of bread - and see if you go downhill (may take 2 or 3 or 4 days though).

Just as a side not: for chinese food, a lot of people are VERY susceptible (or even allergic) to MSG. It is very widely used in asian cooking, and because of the reactions that some poeple get, it has now to be displayed in the content of ingredients of the food item in question.

However, if you go to a restaurant, make sure to ask if they use MSG.

My hubby is very susceptible to it, and we definitely have to watch out. He becomes quite grumpy (which is so very unlike him), and then feels drained like he'd run a marathon. :eek:

And yes, I'm a strong believer in diet changes to assist with depression. It was covered earlier on in the thread, so anyone interested should go backand have a look, it was really interesting. :yes:

[steveb64]

Just as a side not: for chinese food, a lot of people are VERY susceptible (or even allergic) to MSG. It is very widely used in asian cooking, and because of the reactions that some poeple get, it has now to be displayed in the content of ingredients of the food item in question.

However, if you go to a restaurant, make sure to ask if they use MSG.

My hubby is very susceptible to it, and we definitely have to watch out. He becomes quite grumpy (which is so very unlike him), and then feels drained like he'd run a marathon. :eek:

And yes, I'm a strong believer in diet changes to assist with depression. It was covered earlier on in the thread, so anyone interested should go backand have a look, it was really interesting. :yes:

Ta for that - but nope! Not affected by MSG! I like Chinese too (nothing like pigging out at a good YumCha), and Thai, and most other Asian type foods. Seems that the worst reaction for me was from the good old Edmonds Chinese Rice Risotto! Er - I think it was Edmonds..? After I'd repeated it a couple of times, I never ate it again. Given that my wife can't eat it anyway (noodles made with wheat), it sort of dropped out of the pantry stocks.
But I know what you mean about MSG - a friend I worked with years ago would turn bright RED if she ate anything with MSG in it...

And I have read the whole thread - but it was a while back, and couldn't remember exactly what was where.:doh:

[dmouse]

This is what i am suffering from, it`s a living hell

Depersonalisation Disorder


Strangers to Our Selves
When your world seems strange and you've lost your sense of self, you'll be hard pressed finding a name for your affliction. But there is one "Depersonalization Disorder", and it's nothing new.


It may happen when you first wake up, or while flying on an airplane or driving in your car. Suddenly, inexplicably, something changes. Common objects and familiar situations seem strange, foreign. Like you've just arrived on the planet, but don't know from where. It may pass quickly, or it may linger. You close your eyes and turn inward, but the very thoughts running through your head seem different. The act of thinking itself, the stream of invisible words running through the hollow chamber of your mind, seems strange and unreal. It's as if you have no self, no ego, no remnant of that inner strength which quietly and automatically enabled you to deal with the world around you, and the world inside you. It may settle over time, into a feeling of "nothingness", as if you were without emotions, dead. Or the fear of it may blossom into a full-blown panic attack. But when it hits for the first time, you're convinced that you're going insane, and wait in a cold sweat to see when and if you finally do go over the edge.
What you don't know at the moment is that this troubling experience is distinctly human, experienced briefly at some time or another by as much as 70 percent of the population. In its chronic form, popular culture once saw it as part of a nervous breakdown. Some have called it "Alice in Wonderland" disease. Jean Paul Sartre called it "the filth" , William James dubbed it "the sick soul". It's been linked philosophically to existentialism, even Buddhism. Yet to its victims, it's anything but an enlightened state of mind. Welcome to the world of Depersonalization Disorder.
The term itself has been around for a long time. A psychologist named Dugas coined it as a unique medical condition back in 1898. While the word "depersonalization" is often linked to "dehumanizing" situations such as prison life or brainwashing, chronic depersonalization is an insidious mental condition that can begin on its own. The individual's perceptions of the self and the self's place in the world somehow shifts into a mindset that is altered from the norm, becoming hellish for most.
Depersonalization, as a symptom, is what the majority of us experience at some time in our lives. It occurs briefly, and has no lasting effect. Depersonalization Disorder, however, is a chronic illness that can take a dreadful and long-lasting course.
Unlike relatively new disease phenomenon such as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, Depersonalization Disorder has been clearly defined for years, (though somewhat buried under the Dissociative Disorders heading) in the Psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the bible of psychiatric diagnoses.


According to DSM-IV, Depersonalization Disorder, in part, constitutes the following:
... a feeling of detachment or estrangement from one's self . The individual may feel like an automaton or as if he or she is living in a dream or a movie. There may be a sensation of being an outside observer of one's metal processes, one's body, or parts of one's body.
... Various types of sensory anesthesia, lack of affective response, and a sensation of lacking control of one's actions, including speech, are often present. The individual with Depersonalization Disorder maintains intact reality testing (e.g., awareness that it is only a feeling and that he or she is not really an automaton) . Depersonalization is a common experience, and this diagnosis should be made only if the symptoms are sufficiently severe to cause marked distress or impairment in functioning).
In addition to DSM-IV, another vital diagnostic tool, Merck's Manual, describes depersonalization clearly:


Persistent or recurrent feelings of being detached from one's body or mental processes and usually a feeling of being an outside observer of one's life.
Depersonalization is the third most common psychiatric symptom and frequently occurs in life-threatening danger, such as accidents, assaults, and serious illnesses and injuries; it can occur as a symptom in many other psychiatric disorders and in seizure disorders. As a separate disorder, depersonalization has not been studied widely, and its incidence and cause are unknown.2


The criteria for Depersonalization as a unique disorder has been clearly spelled out says Los Angeles psychiatrist Oscar Janiger. Janiger, formerly an associate clinical professor at the University of California, Irvine, has treated many patients with Depersonalization Disorder (DP) during his 40-plus year practice, and in fact has endured the condition himself.
But in addition to their common symptoms, DP sufferers have another shared experience, Janiger adds. Most have a pattern of going to doctor after doctor with little or no relief other than the standard trial and error treatments for depression and anxiety.
One key phrase in the disorder's DSM-IV definition is: reality testing remains intact, Janiger adds. While a degree of depersonalization may be present in other illnesses, like schizophrenia, this is not a psychotic condition. The person knows that something is terribly wrong, and grapples with trying to figure out what it is. If anything, it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you.
Indeed, chronic depersonalization often includes a sensation of overconsciousness wherein each thought seems too apparent, or too loud, like the volume of a low-playing radio suddenly turned up to its maximum according to one sufferer.
Signs of depersonalization can occur with many illnesses, however isn't clear why the condition persists in some people. Chronically depersonalized persons (or D-People as they're often called) are usually highly intelligent, and prone to intellectual ruminating. Onset is most often seen at an early age, from around puberty to the late twenties. There has been evidence of links in some cases to early childhood trauma, Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, stress resulting from life threatening situations, and Migraine. Evidence has also suggested that it afflicts females to a greater degree than males.
In time, depersonalized people can make some accommodations to the condition, Janiger says. They know it won't kill them or make them insane. It isn't a progressive illness. It may constitute a subtle alteration of perception. It's more like adjusting to a pair of glasses that makes everything appear upside down. Eventually one may find ways of adapting.
Accordingly, people with DP disorder become masters at maintaining a front, appearing quite normal to friends, family and co-workers. The sense of being an automaton as described in DSM-IV is consistent with going through the familiar routines of a lifetime. You do what you're expected to, and say what others expect you too, all the while feeling as if you're acting out of habit, says John, a 32-year-old filmmaker who has had the condition for six years. Your mind is always a million miles away. All natural spontaneity and joy of living is gone. You know something's wrong, and you're constantly battling with what it might be, and evaluating how you feel.
While DSM-IV defines what clinicians consider to be pure cases, those not brought about by the introduction of an outside agent like drugs, the condition seems to be the same, no matter what precipitates its onset. Psychoactive drugs, however, may be one of the primary causal agents among DP sufferers today.
Many people develop the condition through the use of marijuana, notes Janiger. And ecstasy (MDMA), the drug of choice among the young rave crowd has been noted in particular as a catalyst for DP. LSD can cause it as well, it seems, but to a lesser degree than THC (Delta-9-Tetrahydrocannabinol) the active ingredient in pot.
This one young person's account is typical of the feelings of unreality laced with intermittent panic that often besets sufferers in the earliest stages whether drug-induced or not:
... three times after I've smoked pot I've had a disabling depersonalization from it. Again, it's the same numbness, then far away, unable to control my body, time feels like it's flashing like movie stills, cannot tell what is happening, even what I am thinking, sound is far away, cannot speak. Think it is near death as one could get. Also one time it happened to me after half a beer (didn't feel at all intoxicated) and the ambulance came and got me. Some lady was sitting over me saying something about Jesus, which only made the fear stronger.
The terror is inexplicable. In between attacks I experience feelings of unreality, sometimes lasting days. I deal with agoraphobia and panic, dread of dying. Sometimes just feel it is hard to move around. Like I will become disoriented and fall over (which really happens during my serious attacks). I avoid people, since they make me feel strange, especially if they are too close. Being in a store can make me feel strange too.

[dmouse]

Why Now?
All of this begs the question: Why delve into Depersonalization Disorder at length when it has been clearly defined as an illness, or an offshoot of other illnesses in medical literature? There are several answers. First, there is evidence that more people are experiencing Depersonalization Disorder, and making it known, than ever before. Many of these people suffered in silence until the basics of brain chemistry, and words like neurotransmitter, panic disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) worked their way into the mainstream consciousness. The condition is widespread enough to have prompted the founding of the Britain-based Depersonalization Discussion Board website on the internet. Since 1997, hundreds of people with strikingly similar experiences and/or symptoms have congregated regularly with a hunger for information through this new virtual venue.
Second, the prevalence of DP has also impressed several seats of medical learning enough to establish clinics singly devoted to its study. These include the Depersonalization Research Unit at the London Institute of Psychiatry, and the Depersonalization and Dissociation Research Program at the Mt. Sinai School of Medicine in New York. These clinics are devoted to studying Depersonalization Disorder in depth and experimenting with new methods of treatment to offer relief to those who find it an unbearable mental condition.
In addition, a book touching on the subject, though in the context of Dissociative Disorders in general, was published late last year. The Stranger in the Mirror by Marlene Steinberg. M.D. and Maxine Schnall, (Harper Collins, 2000), explores the far-reaching extent of dissociation in today's society. The book concentrates on the traditional sources of the condition, specifically child abuse, and makes extensive use of the author's recognized scales for determining if one has the condition. But little discussion is given to the purely physiological causes of dissociative illnesses in general, or depersonalization syndrome specifically.
This is a review of the same, fairly well-known theories in a new package, Janiger says.
The epidemic, it seems, is being experienced by many persons with no history of abuse nor any of the traditional causes. In fact, young people using ecstasy often complain of the symptoms of depersonalization whether they had any predisposition to psychological problems or not.
Dr. Daphne Simeon is the primary investigator at Mt. Sinai's Research unit and monitors the progress of volunteer patients who are screened by a questionnaire which first determines that they can be diagnosed as truly depersonalized. To date, a moderate degree of success has been achieved by many patients through the use of Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil, as well as cognitive and psychodynamic psychotherapy. It is believed that there may be similarities between the brain chemistry of Depersonalization and that of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders (OCDs) against which some antidepressants have been effective. But simply establishing Depersonalization Disorder as its own unique and separate illness has not been easy within the medical community, Simeon says.
For a long time, depersonalization has been thrown in with a group of other dissociative disorders, like out-of-body experiences, and dissociative fugues, but I've always been convinced that it's an entity unto itself, Simeon says. Even now, the medical establishment doesn't always agree. Papers on DP alone are still being rejected by medical journals.
The condition is often linked with depression and anxiety states, adds Janiger. But there are many people who feel depersonalized but not depressed, and not anxious, unless the DP causes them to be.
I never felt what I would consider to be clinically depressed, says Ron, who now in his thirties, has suffered with Depersonalization Disorder for 15 years And the anxiety isn't spontaneous for me. It's always as a result of my thinking in circles over and over again about life, death, infinity, and what's wrong with me.
Like many reporting into interactive websites dealing with the subject, Ron traces his DP's origins to a single marijuana cigarette. His stream of consciousness is often marked by a pondering of things that are familiar to the rest of us, or the nature of existence itself:



Its like I fall deep within myself. I look at my mind from within and feel both trapped and puzzled about the strangeness of my existence. My thoughts swirl round and round constantly probing the strangeness of selfhood - why do I exist? Why am I me and not someone else? At these times, feelings of sweaty panic develop, as if I am having a phobia about my own thoughts. At other times, I don't feel grounded' - I look at this body and can't understand why I am within it. I hear myself having conversations and wonder where the voice is coming from. I imagine myself seeing life as if it were played like a film in a cinema. But in that case, where am I? Who is watching the film? What is the cinema? The worst part is that this seems as if it's the truth, and the periods of my life in which I did not feel like this were the delusions.


Still, there are the pure cases, where DP comes about for no particular reason, like it did for Karen, young Englishwoman in her twenties.
I came from a normal family and have never been abused.. I've just always been this way. It has never been a choice for me. I have never been officially diagnosed for depersonalization... But all the things match up. I've never really known who I am. I wish I did. I envy others in their secure identities...
Things that are supposed to be "familiar" look bizarre and incomprehensible. There is a big hole in my understanding of human relations and communication, nothing makes much sense as a whole.
Often when someone calls my name I don't feel identified with it. Nothing seems real.


A Lost Generation?
Like most DP sufferers, Ron and Karen have been involuntarily thrown into bona fide existential angst a term that unfortunately today seems more relevant to a Woody Allen movie than an individual in crisis. Their poignant observations run deeper than simply thinking in circles about the nature of existence they feel the black emptiness of existence that post World War II philosophers struggled to portray. It's what the French have come to call Le Coup de Vide the blow of the void.
Depersonalization is a very unpleasant feeling, despite the fact that is often manifests itself by a seeming lack of feeling, says German psychologist Ursula Oberst. Stories by depersonalized people have a true flavor of existentialism about them. Philosophers wrote about it and theorized about it. But D-people feel it, and the feeling can be too much to bear.
Apparently one who wrote about it and felt it was French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre. While he reputedly scorned the term existentialism, his first novel Le Nausee (Nausea), published in 1938, portrays true Depersonalization Disorder with bone-chilling accuracy. Existentialist or not, Sartre clearly knew depersonalization first hand.
I buy a newspaper along my way. Sensational news. Little Lucienne's body has been found. Smell of ink, the paper crumples between my fingers. The criminal has fled. The child was raped. They found her body, the fingers clawing at the mud. I roll the paper into a ball, my fingers clutching at the paper; smell of ink; my God how strongly things exist today. Little Lucienne was raped. Strangled. Her body still exists, her flesh bleeding. SHE no longer exists. her hands. She no longer exists. The houses. I walk between the houses, I am between the houses, on the pavement; the pavement under my feet exists, the houses close around me, as the water closes over me, on the paper the shape of a swan. I am. I am,. I exist, I think, therefore I am; I am because I think, why do I think. I don't want to think any more, I am because I think that I don't want to be, I think that I....because....ugh! I flee.




Literary depictions of depersonalization, panic, depression, phobias, and other disorders have threaded their way through most cultures throughout history. Dostoyevsky's Notes From Underground Camus' The Stranger, Borges' The Aleph and others come to mind.
The word "panic" itself has its source in ancient lore which attributed a fearful shift in consciousness, or panic, to anyone viewing the face of the Greek forest god Pan. Doing so offered an overwhelming glimpse of the universe that the human mind was not equipped to handle, resulting in insanity.
Cosmic knowledge, and the brain's inability to handle it, appears again and again in popular culture from 50s science fiction stories and movies with mind-expanding machines, to Aldous Huxley's Doors of Perception, which suggested that mescaline could open the brain's channels to the higher knowledge sought by those very sci-fi contraptions.
An exploration of all that depersonalization involves will take you down many paths, says Janiger, who is currently adding to the DP literature by authoring a comprehensive book on the subject.
Paths of self-exploration, or explorations of the lack of self, may ultimately lead one towards the ancient teachings of Buddhism or other eastern philosophies, or western mystic literature and contemporary Christian writers known as contemplatives, Janiger points out.


Trancenet (www.trancenet org), a Delaware- based nonprofit group that monitors cult activity and exploitative psychological techniques, sees many similarities between depersonalization syndrome and psychological states found in Transcendental Meditation, specifically as taught by the renowned Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

[dmouse]

According to Trancenet, numerous quotes from the 1967 book Maharishi Mahesh Yogi on the Bhagavad-Gita: A New Translation and Commentary directly parallel the descriptions of depersonalization in DSM-IV.
One statement from the book, for example, could fall directly under the DSM-IV subcategory of detachment, according to Trancenet:
In Nitya-Samadhi, or cosmic consciousness a man realizes that his Self is different from the mind which is engaged in thoughts and desires. He experiences the desires of the mind as lying outside himself,
Still, I'm not convinced that Depersonalization Disorder and Samadhi or bliss, enlightenment, or what have you, are the same thing, Oscar Janiger explains. Many people enjoy the states brought about through TM. But Depersonalization is an illness, sent straight from hell. It's a psycho-physiological problem that involves the integrity of the ego and body image.
Whether they're treating DP, or just social phobias, psychologists often spend years trying to build up a patient's ego, with little result. There are many people who are successful in their careers and who have received plenty of laurels, awards food for the Ego. And it doesn't do a thing toward alleviating the pain of losing one's self because of this strange and uncanny
condition.

Finding Relief
As Drs. Janiger and Simeon can attest, the search for cures of more pressing illnesses, like alcoholism, has kept funding for DP research on a back burner. (Ironically, many D-People find that alcohol is the only thing that brings temporary relief to the symptoms).
The existing clinics are a beginning. But it may be that treatment needs to take a new direction, Janiger feels. While today's treatments utilize SSRIs, indications are that greater success involves SSRIs in combination with other drugs, like benzodiazapines such as Valium or Clonazepam.
Janiger has found about a 50 percent success ratio using one of the older anti-depressants, a monoamineoxidase inhibitor (MAOI) called Marplan. The other MAOIs haven't worked as well in my experience, but for some reason, Marplan features a component that in some cases seems to be particularly effective against depersonalization, he says. (While more recent research has not shown much success with any of the MAOIs, they may in fact work best in cases of a known subgroup of patients who suffer from the so-called anxiety-depersonalization syndrome. Anxiety, panic and overconsciousness are frequent symptoms in these people; others who still fall within the clinical definitions of DPD do not experience these at all).
As more sufferers of the condition converge on the internet, more common symptoms are also emerging with greater clarity. For instance, D-People seem to be particularly susceptible to the condition when they spend time in fluorescent lighting, like that found in most retail stores. In addition, for most persons, DP seems be strongest in the mornings and progressively better as the day progresses. If they take naps, it can re-emerge with a vengeance.
This tells us something about it's relationship to sleep, Janiger says. DP has something to do with regulating sleep and wake patterns, but I haven't seen any studies on this yet. It's odd how so many people refer to it as being in a dream or a dreamlike state, but nobody seems to have looked at how it relates to REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep.
If you visualize the brain's two distinct types of consciousness REM sleep and wakefulness as being in their own separate airtight compartments, depersonalization might represent some kind of intrusion from one into the other, Janiger suggests. The respective compartments may not be as contained as they should be.
But whether it's linked to the sleep/wakefulness cycle, a natural part of the human condition, or part of an awakening to a heightened consciousness, Depersonalization Disorder isn't going away; D-people will continue to seek relief, and researchers will continue to try to provide it.
It's a remarkable condition, notes Janiger, with implications that are fascinating. But it's like the ocean, wondrous and deep unless you're drowning in it. Then all you want is a way out.

and we only have the one option open to us SUICIDE

[jazbug5]

Dmouse, please. Please consider that suicide is not your only option. That is what you call black and white thinking; the world and the way we experience it just isn't black and white and simple with only one solution at any one time, no matter how it can appear to us with our depression goggles on.

Although I can't begin to imagine how horrible it must be to exist in that particular frame of mind constantly, I suspect that it is something that has hit many people here at different times- I certainly recognise having felt that way, and even having thought that death was the only real answer for me. I've had to learn to bat it away. Now, I'm not in any way comparing my lot in life with yours. At all. But I am sure that your family, and ultimately you, will be grateful if you can hold on just long enough for a better solution/treatment to present itself. It will.

Are there any online forums for people suffering from this as you do? You may find there's a lifeline there, and only a few clicks of the mouse away.

[Kittyhawk]

I'm surprised you have any problems with Zoplicone Kitty, I use it very sparingly, about half a tab once or twice a week. Very effective. However we all react differently.
.

I take a tablet, and am still wide awake after hours of taking it. When I was first given them, they knocked me out good. Maybe Im immune to them now.


SEX ACTION

works for me

Name the time and place, you know where I live p.s....do you need viagra?


Personally I think if a man can't show his feminine side then he isn't "Man" at all. My partner is definately masculine, but he has a soft side to him which he shows all the time. I'm a very lucky girl to have him in my life, because I've got all the support & love I need now & he shows it, which not many men can. (I hope he's got the same from me:love:) I don't know why it is so hard for a Man to show his feelings, would probably save an aweful lot of hassles. Mind you some woman are the same:confused:

If a man is in touch with his feelings, he is comfortable around any situation, and is comfortable in life, supporting others, and just being himself.

Dmouse...can you get in contact with me, or flick through a pm, e mail what ever...you know Im here for you.

[Winston001]

I'm interested to notice that this thread is revived after each weekend. On Mondays I look to see if it is on the front page and it is.

There is something about weekends which triggers depression. I suspect it is because we aren't working and have time to let the black thougts intrude. Also weekends for a lot of people are fun and looked forward to. If you aren't having fun but know that everyone else seems to be, it can get you down.

[madass]

I'd love to know how common it is - real depression I mean, not transient mood following normal life event - dog dies or parent passes away.

Any stats type info out there? Y'know - 1 in 20 get it or... whatever.

And recover/longer term prospects? What can be expected?
i know that 1 in 5 australians suffer from some kind of mental illness (depression being the most common)

[deanohit]

Yea, but thats because they're in aussie you see!

Seriously though, I think that stat would be pretty close to what it's like here in NZ.

[Kittyhawk]

Living life with depression is a fark arse bitch of a thing to have.

Almost like you are two people. On the good days life is easy, and nothing can drag you down you are going for your goals and taking on challenges with the greatest of ease... Seriously, I can not understand others who are depressed at the time when Im happy and on top of the world.

I question it "why are you down, whats caused it, move on and try something new whats the point in moping and feeling sorry for yourself HTFU kinda thing..." its not till Im in that screwed up headspace only then can I understand how blinding it really is.

Every single event in life happens for a reason, theres a cause and ending to everything. Good times and bad times pass...just feels like the bad lasts longer.

[DarkHeart]

Bugger,bugger,bugger. Just wrote a kinda lengthy reply post,but somehow the whole thing just went tits up and buggerd off totally. :(:( Carver,the idea of "sex action" relief is a bloody good one,just need the other half of the equation. Knowing my luck.............fat chance. Anyway. Bluebabe,i fully agree with you about the emotions and feelings thing. Yeah it would solve a few hassels/problems if i could just do that,but it not that simple. U are very lucky to have a guy like that. I have been in touch with my femminine/emotional side on more than one occasion,and have actually liked what it can achieve and feel like. However usually when i do that i get slammed f&*kin hard by the people around me. So i do what comes naturally and go back into my shell and hide behind my bloody big wall and facade that i put up. Serves a good purpose,but a friend of mine told me recently that in order for her to help me thru this i have to start pulling down my wall. Which i am trying to do. Not easy but i'm trying. Some of my closer friends know and have seen my softer side and like waht they see and hence don't judge me. (bonus) And a couple pof people i've met not so long ago saw straight thru the wall and facade and found some of the real me. Which scared the hell out of me. But guess it gotta be good in some way. Anyway enuf bable from me for now. Peace out people.

[slippery]

hi all. long time no post.

just wanted to say i been travelling and i seen much that reminds me why life is not so bad in nz. i truely believe its the best country. i just hope we can all move on as one country. i think my depression would lift immensely. pride in your country is a massive part of identity.

much love.

peace.

[Ocean1]

hi all. long time no post.

just wanted to say i been travelling and i seen much that reminds me why life is not so bad in nz. i truely believe its the best country. i just hope we can all move on as one country. i think my depression would lift immensely. pride in your country is a massive part of identity.

much love.

peace.

Me too. I also wonder how much influence the negative-focus press and the general poor social behaviour has on depression stat's.

This is old, but does it help explain a certain lack? : http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm

[Winston001]

Thanks Ocean, can't recall reading that before. Simple and to the point.

[DarkHeart]

Hi all,long time no post. Well i've finally read this entire thread. Man what an eye opener. Big ups to all those who have posted deep personal stuff for all to see. Most if not all of it has been beneficial to me personally in one form or another. I really appreciate Kitty putting me on to the thread. Has given me a lot of "tools" to help me on my way to sorting myself out. Anyway thanks again to all who have contributed,i'll pop on from time to time to drop a few lines of my life. Once i've got a better handle on things at least anyway.

[Kittyhawk]

How's everyone going, hope you all are enjoying the lovely riding weather, best is yet to come, might look at getting a small bike in the new year...that way I wont be doing over the speed limit. ;)

[RiderInBlack]

Been a tough few days/weeks but seem ta be snapping out of it. Just life shit that seem ta be piling up, triggering the old Black Dog ta nip at my heals. This, of cause, cause more shit ta stick cause my attitude was sucking. Thank goodness the weather has improved as this has let me get some work done. As a self-employed Farrier (horse shoer), I'm reliant on the weather. Good weather = better income. Bad weather = well ya can work it out. On top of this I've had my work van brake down (fixed now) = more loss on income. In amongest this I ended up having a cold (yep stressing will do that too ya), and have had ta shift house yet again. Well when it started ta rain last week, that was the last straw. I was barely holding it together by Wed/Thursday this week. No it was not good for those around me ether, especial my partner (sorry babe). Makes work harder too. Horses are masters of reading body language and are very affected by moods. No surprise they were fighting me as I tried hard not ta snap and lash-out. I'm not a violent person, but that doesn't mean I don't feel violent or don't have the odd violent thought. I have also been trying ta find a new job, due too my poor income and the fact that I am finding it hard to be "therapeutic" for the horse (a must as far as I am concerned if ya going ta do that job). Job seeking I have always found hard on my ego. I can find it really crashing. It was at the heart of what drove me to almost give up on life before I turned 30. Thankfully I seeked counseling back then and made it through. But yer having ta fight ta get even a laboring job and getting rejected really gets me down making it harder ta be positive enough to apply of the next one. Definitely a "Black Dog" trigger for me.
Anyway am getting there slowly now. Having ta face some of the damage it has does ta my relationship and my work now (dam hard when ya feeling a bit shaky). But least I feeling a bit more up beat and hardening back-up slowly. Looking forward ta having a ride Sunday ta meet good friends.

Sorry for the rabble, but just need ta get this shit off my chest. Thank with putting up with it.

[Winston001]

I'm glad you got that off your chest Riderinblack, it helps to know there are sympathetic people here who listen and know what you are saying. Going for a ride and seeing friends is very healthy.

Have you noticed that this thread hasn't been posted in for 3 weeks? I find that very interesting. Increased sunlight and warmer weather tends to lift depression and I'm hoping that people are feeling better about themselves and their lives.

There are still events which bring on the Black Dog no matter how sunny it is. I'm sure you will find another job and that will be great for your self esteem. Ironically, despite the good weather, Christmas itself is a time of great stress and it isn't unusual for depression to surface. All the happy happy noise and rush makes it seem as though everyone else is having a ball. They aren't.

[DarkHeart]

Hi all. Well yeah the last few weeks have sure been interesting. Had a few little "episodes" which hasn't helped my any at all. Were a few days there that i just simply didn't wanna get out of bed or function at all. But forced my sorry butt out of bed and off to work. And boy does work suck big time at the moment. With the lead up to xmas being our busiest period it made for some really bad times. With people gettin stressed and biting at others all day made it hard to stay focused on anything,which in turn bought back my lovely little black cloud. All i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide under the shelves. Came so close bolting from the office and going home quite a few times. But oddly enough with the change in weather and some support form my friends things are slowly getting better. Anywho hope all is well with u all. Have a merry xmas and happy new year.

[Edbear]

Hi all. Well yeah the last few weeks have sure been interesting. Had a few little "episodes" which hasn't helped my any at all. Were a few days there that i just simply didn't wanna get out of bed or function at all. But forced my sorry butt out of bed and off to work. And boy does work suck big time at the moment. With the lead up to xmas being our busiest period it made for some really bad times. With people gettin stressed and biting at others all day made it hard to stay focused on anything,which in turn bought back my lovely little black cloud. All i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide under the shelves. Came so close bolting from the office and going home quite a few times. But oddly enough with the change in weather and some support form my friends things are slowly getting better. Anywho hope all is well with u all. Have a merry xmas and happy new year.


Noticed your sig. Happiness can be found, but it comes from within. You can be happy to recieve something or find something nice, but real happiness isn't to be found but within your heart and mind. If you like yourself, and have self-esteem and self-confidence you will be happy.

There are two basic types of people, positive and negative. While it is easier for positives to be happy, a negative can also, if they work at it and have good support. My wife is a negative, and had a bad childhood which left her with very low self-esteem, well okay, no self-esteem. But she is beginning to find herself and appreciate that she is worth something, worth loving and that she is allowed to be happy.

You are allowed to laugh, to find love, to be somebody to someone and if you don't know what to do, it's not a reflection of intelligence, simply a lack of learning and that can be rectified. Humility isn't weakness, it can only be due to inner strength, as is mildness.

Never be afraid to ask for professional help. NZ does have one of the best Mental Health systems in the world, and it's not weakness to talk to a professional about how you feel. You can very quickly establish whether they know what they are talking about and whether you can gain anything from them.

Cheers,

[RiderInBlack]

That's one thing that bugs me:
"Have I always been more serious, or are others better at covering-up their downs".
I work at being happy. Some days are easier than others. But yet I have friends that seem "unsinkably" up-bet. Some of them down right cocky and overly full of their own self importance. They seem ta get work/partners etc easier. What I would do just ta have a touch of that (although I forgo manic levels). Yes I am aware that how I feel about myself (IE: ego/ level of self worth) does have a major effect on not only how you feel about what's happening around/to you, but also effects the opportunities ya get in life (think shit, get shit. think opportunity, get opportunities), but some days it is so dam hard ta be up-bet. More frustrating is that I know how important it is. At the end of the day I'm still lucky that I don't have the type of depression that is totally mind chemistry caused. I fell for ya Dudes and Dudettes that have ta deal with that. No mine is a mind-set that triggers the feeling and causes the chemistry ta change. Ta "snap out of it" I need ta work at changing my mind set. It a life long thing. For months and even years I think I've got it sussed, but then it only needs a few things not going the way I would like and if I'm not careful I'll get sucked back in the old bad mind-set rut.
Well I'll keep working on it. Ya Dudes and Dudettes hang in there, OK. Things do get better if ya let them:Punk:

[Edbear]

[QUOTE=RiderInBlack;1341754...But yet I have friends that seem "unsinkably" up-bet. Some of them down right cocky and overly full of their own self importance. They seem ta get work/partners etc easier. What I would do just ta have a touch of that ...

Ta "snap out of it" I need ta work at changing my mind set. It a life long thing. For months and even years I think I've got it sussed, but then it only needs a few things not going the way I would like and if I'm not careful I'll get sucked back in the old bad mind-set rut...[/QUOTE]


You will only reinforce your "mind-set" by comparing yourself negatively with others. While it seems they are up-beat and more successful than you, appearances can be decieving.

If you can be knocked down by a "few things not going your way", it is more than a mind-set. I could be thrown into despair by a word, or a look and feel everything was hopeless. I had to recognise it as a symptom of depression, not reality and wait it out, knowing that it would pass, (difficult at times!).

I am a naturally positive person, able to see the silver lining, able to read between the lines of other's speech and make allowances for them, not taking their words to heart, yet I suffered clinical depression. It was a shock to me that I could be depressed!

Don't try to "work at being happy", rather look at yourself realistically. Evaluate your qualities and abilities honestly. You are good at many things, and no doubt have family and friends who appreciate you. Yet you probably minimize or dismiss the positive things they say and make excuses as to why they are wrong. Life isn't a box of roses and we suffer many trials and setbacks. It can become easy to focus on what's gone/going wrong and forget to appreciate what went right.

I made a rule, not to think when I was tired, as everything seemed worse, then. "Sleep on it" became the rule, and I can't emphasise enough the need for adequate rest. Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture as it drives the victim mad. If you torture yourself in the same way, expect the same result... Your mind and body needs sleep to heal, recover and sort itself out. While you are asleep your subconscious mind is "tidying up" and sorting out your thoughts. It can't do this if it is over tired and not being given the chance.

[Indiana_Jones]

;1341754...But yet I have friends that seem "unsinkably" up-bet. Some of them down right cocky and overly full of their own self importance. They seem ta get work/partners etc easier. What I would do just ta have a touch of that ...

Ta "snap out of it" I need ta work at changing my mind set. It a life long thing. For months and even years I think I've got it sussed, but then it only needs a few things not going the way I would like and if I'm not careful I'll get sucked back in the old bad mind-set rut...

How I have that feeling... :(

-Indy

[Blue Babe]

If you can be knocked down by a "few things not going your way", it is more than a mind-set. I could be thrown into despair by a word, or a look and feel everything was hopeless. I had to recognise it as a symptom of depression, not reality and wait it out, knowing that it would pass, (difficult at times!).


I think this is totally correct too, but it's not just a word or a look or feeling it's the weather big time. The hard part is watching the partner sit & stagnate instead of trying to go out & do something about it.

[Kittyhawk]

Riderinblack - hang in there the low times pass and the good times are the best times, make the most of those.

I went off the rails....again...wasnt good ended up ringing the crisis line, wont go into details, but I hate this, I thought the meds were working, only to find they were setting me up for another crash.

Started the monday night learning nights for something to do and have a new focus, and to keep on the biker scene while Im not riding, its good and making friends is even better.

Went out on a date, and it involved being on the back of an 07 zx6r. The rider was doing 206km/hr down a nice stretch of road, and it was a beautiful day too. He accidently hit a bump in the road, I almost flew off the back, and when I was holding the tank, my hands started slipping off.... I had no adrenline, didnt panic, and didnt care.

He stopped moments later and said "spose you want to tell me to fuck off and I take you home now" I said no I wasn't scared....I think he was when it happend. I explained that I dont get adrenline, have no fear and it didnt scare me the slightest. I wished it did, because I miss adrenline while being on a bike. When Im on the back Im still thinking I want to jump off and end it.

This comfirms that I still cant be trusted with a bike on the road, if I hadnt' have sold the gixer 600 I dont think I'd be around right now. Riding emotionally isnt a good thing. Im looking back and learning that now. I havent missed my bike either, there is no urge "nice day want to go for a blat" thing, and even though Im on the back of bikes alot now, it still does nothing for me which saddens me on the inside.

Only reason why I want to get an fxr 150 is beacuse it dosent go fast enough, and I want it to teach newbies how to ride on monday nights etc. When I borrowed a friends R6 same headspace was there, every power pole, every tree, every corner...must end it. I only rode from Helensville to Woodcocks then stopped and I let the pillion ride the rest of the way because I still cant handle it.

[sunhuntin]

now, im not 100% that i actually have it, but i know my current mood cant be called anything except depressed.

started xmas eve... brother and his "missus" [read shag and baby maker] have split yet again... right on time for xmas. they have 2 kids, who got saddled with for 2 days. "she" rung up here expecting to be able to barge in and see the kids. mum finally snapped after some 4 years of playing nice and swore at her. in turn... we had the cops on the doorstep. after 4 years of her abusing us, my being told to watch if i get followed cos chances are someone will try and run me off the road, and putting up with their general shit, mum snaps and she has the gall to call the cops on us??
well, that ruined xmas... typically, i had to be the one to deal with it all and try and make the olds feel better. half the time i feel like they are the kids. both brother and shag are as bad as each other... brother has done lots of bad shit in the past, but they still keep painting him like an angel. gets so damn hard... i feel like im second... they pay his bills [hes 27] and spend tons on him... yet mum forgets my birthday. she basically clothes the kids and gets no thanks. not once have they said thankyou for anything. i have banned them from my work when im on shift, and will not be in the same room as him. he is no longer my brother except on paper [both adopted]
i mentioned i wanted to go to a birthday in jan... and got met with "you cant... youve gotta look after the animals while we're away" everytime i want to do something, something else comes up. all i want is one night away with friends, and im getting told no.
that started me off... went to work xmas day in a shit mood, got slightly cheered up by co worker [mood returned as soon as the shift ended]
since then, things have gone downhill with my person of interest, to the point where im expecting them to go after someone else, and ive basically given up. i am ready to call it quits. i cannot compete, and cant be bothered even trying. i know when im beat. i was almost chewing on my own arm at points today to try and shake myself out. was leaning on something with my chin on my arm... very tempting to just start chewing.
just sent that person a txt trying to detail what im feeling, and ended up in tears... and now they are starting again. i havent cried since... o hell, i cant even remember when. im thinking my friends funeral in 05.

i just cant deal anymore... its been so long since ive felt like this... im dreading going to work tomorrow. im tempted to take some sick leave, but it would be pointless. might take a few days when ive got the house to myself.

just feel so tired... so so tired. somethings gotta break soon, i just dont know what.

[Kittyhawk]

PM sent.

Hang in there!!

[Badger8]

Well whaddya know, it's that time of year again...
I really dont understand why everyone gets so excited about this time of year. it's the most dependably shit time of year.

So i went north to see the family, not out of choice, it's just what i have to do every year. Now dont get me wrong, i love my family and would do anything for them... i just dont like them... (what's the old saying? you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you cant pick your family...)

Every year it's the same old shit. Go up a couple of days early, get dragged into town even tho i have no need. "Come and spend time with us while you're up here", in reality it's get dragged around town as a packmule and general abuse point. I just zone out and observe people and their strange interactions, keeps me sane enough for the day.

the day arrives and the same bunch of relatives i dont and who dont know or care about me show up. Yeah, workin at the same place that you can never remember, finished the same degree that you could never remember anyway. no i dont have a girlfriend yet. *read between the lines and sideways glances* no that doesn't make me gay... *stew and hide in room, pretend to have a headache or something*

go round to sisters place and hang out with her new side of the family (married earlier this year), just doubles up the bollocks of the existing family really...

eat, get drunk, pass out on the couch (or pretend to if not actually drunk enough to) so i dont have to feign interest anymore.

sorted out everything i had to do whilst i was up by boxing day afternoon and the thought occured "Why the hell am i still here?" for once i actually had something better to do back down in auckland, so i shot off home that afternoon.

Sad thing is, every year this trip just serves as a reminder that i have no family. they dont know the first thing about who i am anymore. and then i realise that it wasnt actually any different when i was living at home. my sister was a terror child, and i was the quiet reserved one. she was the elder child, so all her rules got applied to me as i grew up (3 years behind)

how the flip am i supposed to enjoy a family orientated time of year when i dont feel i have one, and the one that is supposedly mine wants very little to do with me, and i cant help but feel the same?

and yes, i have tried to make things work. for years whilst i was still at home i tried to cultivate an actual relationship with my parents, but they always insisted on keeping it superficial. whenever i tried to go a little deeper, i'd just get brushed off and mum would find something else to have a go at me about.

i guess it's that environment that led to me being such a solitary operator, and happier by myself doing my own thing, not really able to function in social situations and never making any real friends. Things got better when i went off to university, but the old ugly dog still rears it's head at times.

it's only since i've been making efforts to really put myself out there that i've come to fully realise and accept that there does appear to be an underlying problem. i have made a couple of what i would consider real friends, one of whom has really helped me to function and come out of my shell. i'd always figured it was just cause things were going shit for me that i always felt this way, but for the last 2 years or so things have constantly been looking up, yet i still feel like my life is going down the shitter. the clouds close in and i push away all the people who actually care, pushed away the only real relationship i ever had, crawl back into my little shell and refuse to admit that maybe i need some help.

I haven't felt the dark clouds this bad for... probably a couple of years now. How can everything be so good, so many good things and opportunities in front of me for this coming year, and all i want is for the world to go away and to curl up under the duvet till it's all said and done.

Sad thing is, i actually cant wait to go back to work on thurs, will finally have something to occupy my mind, hopefully it'll help keep the clouds at bay.


Wow... that really went in a circle...
Sorry for the rant, but it was therapeutic in itself.

[MyGSXF]

So i went north to see the family, not out of choice, it's just what i have to do every year

Why do you HAVE to???? :confused: are you going to be spanked & shut in your room for being a naughty boy if you don't go???!!


Sad thing is, every year this trip just serves as a reminder that i have no family. they dont know the first thing about who i am anymore. and then i realise that it wasnt actually any different when i was living at home. how the flip am i supposed to enjoy a family orientated time of year when i dont feel i have one?

So make the choice not to go!! You're a big boy, you don't need permission! :no:


and yes, i have tried to make things work. for years whilst i was still at home i tried to cultivate an actual relationship with my parents, but they always insisted on keeping it superficial. whenever i tried to go a little deeper, i'd just get brushed off and mum would find something else to have a go at me about.

Give it up.. trying!! It'll do your head in continuing to do it forever & a day! :crazy: they are ostriches with their heads buried in the sand & understand they CHOOSE to stay that way! :yes:


it's only since i've been making efforts to really put myself out there that i've come to fully realise and accept that there does appear to be an underlying problem. i crawl back into my little shell and refuse to admit that maybe i need some help.

Good on your for putting yourself out there!!!!!! :2thumbsup & accepting there is a problem is the :first: step on your journey to healing!!!!!!!! :Punk:

I hear exactly what ya sayin.. I USED to be in the same place as you!!!!! :yes: here's a couple of posts I put on here a while ago..

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1228393&postcount=960

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1228550&postcount=962

I hope there may be something in there that will resonate with you!!

:hug: for you

Jen :rockon:

[MyGSXF]

So i went north to see the family, not out of choice, it's just what i have to do every year

Forgot to say... I have spent the last 2 Christmas days volunteering as a helper at the local "Community Dinner".. I would far rather do that, than spend the day with my olds & feeling just as you do, myself!!!!! :wacko:

It's an awesome day out.. ya giving something "back" & tis an eye opener seeing the "other side" of life :yes:

Check out where you are (C.A.B) & see if there is something similar!! :niceone: Tell ya what, ya come away from helping out at a day like that, feeling bloody GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :first:

Took my oldest son this year (he's nearly 12) & he had a great day too.. he even took the initiative to help clear plates off tables!! very cool!!! :2thumbsup

Jen :rockon:

[Badger8]

Why do you HAVE to???? :confused: are you going to be spanked & shut in your room for being a naughty boy if you don't go???!!

So make the choice not to go!! You're a big boy, you don't need permission! :no:

Touche`
i guess i'm still clinging on to the idea of family. And thinking of the shitstorm that'd be fired my way if i told them "nah, get nicked, i'm gonna bum out down here", probably just easier to go up for a short spat like i did this time.
it's not so bad now i can just go for a couple of days (used to be stuck up there for up to 3 months)



Give it up.. trying!! It'll do your head in continuing to do it forever & a day! :crazy: they are ostriches with their heads buried in the sand & understand they CHOOSE to stay that way! :yes:

again, i guess i'm just tryin to 'fix' things for lack of a better word. but i guess it gets to a point where i'm just floggin a dead horse.



Good on your for putting yourself out there!!!!!! :2thumbsup & accepting there is a problem is the :first: step on your journey to healing!!!!!!!! :Punk:

it's not been easy, but i'm tryin. success varies, but i keep gettin back on that horse. sometimes i get knocked off for a while, but so far i keep gettin back up.


I hear exactly what ya sayin.. I USED to be in the same place as you!!!!! :yes: here's a couple of posts I put on here a while ago..

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1228393&postcount=960

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1228550&postcount=962

I hope there may be something in there that will resonate with you!!

:hug: for you

Jen :rockon:

Some good stuff indeed, much of which i have already taken on board and applied to move my life out of the deep dark pit it used to be to where i am today. i guess i'm just coming more and more to the realisation that i cant keep deluding myself forever, and need to face up to the fact that even though things in my life may be getting better, I am not getting better with them. I always used to think "oh, it's just a period of life... finish uni and things'll get better... get a girlfriend, things'll get better... get a real job, things'll get better... get some hobbies, things'll get better... make some friends who aren't munters, theings'll get better..."
as i keep going out and doing these things, it's getting better, but things are still dark on the inside. life is a lot easier now than it has been at any point so far, yet the dark clouds are still with me. and i seem to be going through a patch right now that just reminds me how dark they can get at the center...

i think the whole christmas thing is always just a catalyst for me... people go on about the great time back home, seeing family and friends, all their great new years parties, all their great times off with friends, and i'm sitting here wondering where the hell i went wrong.

[Badger8]

Forgot to say... I have spent the last 2 Christmas days volunteering as a helper at the local "Community Dinner".. I would far rather do that, than spend the day with my olds & feeling just as you do, myself!!!!! :wacko:

It's an awesome day out.. ya giving something "back" & tis an eye opener seeing the "other side" of life :yes:

Check out where you are (C.A.B) & see if there is something similar!! :niceone: Tell ya what, ya come away from helping out at a day like that, feeling bloody GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :first:

Took my oldest son this year (he's nearly 12) & he had a great day too.. he even took the initiative to help clear plates off tables!! very cool!!! :2thumbsup

Jen :rockon:

actually, funny you mention this. i've got involved in a few volunteer and charity projects over the last year or two, and found them to be some of the most worthwhile and personally rewarding things i've ever done. also helped bringin me out of my shell too :)
need to get back into that sortof thing again

[MyGSXF]

i guess i'm still clinging on to the idea of family. probably just easier to go up for a short spat like i did this time

I know what ya sayin! I tried that too.. but I got to the point in my own journey of just accepting that I wasn't born into a happy, functioning family.. & do my own thing instead. :yes: but if ya have to go.. yeah, go for a day or two.. then leave em to it! :girlfight:


again, i guess i'm just tryin to 'fix' things for lack of a better word. but i guess it gets to a point where i'm just floggin a dead horse.

You're onto it!!!! quick learner!! :shutup:


it's not been easy, but i'm tryin. success varies, but i keep gettin back on that horse. sometimes i get knocked off for a while, but so far i keep gettin back up

on ya!!! never let that bloody horse get the better of you ok.. :oi-grr: kick the bugger up the arse & tell him to sod off!!! :msn-wink:


life is a lot easier now than it has been at any point so far, yet the dark clouds are still with me. and i seem to be going through a patch right now that just reminds me how dark they can get at the center... i think the whole christmas thing is always just a catalyst for me... people go on about the great time back home, seeing family and friends, all their great new years parties, all their great times off with friends, and i'm sitting here wondering where the hell i went wrong.

Sounds like you're doin real well!!! bloody good on you!!! :Punk: It IS hard work & you WILL have good days & bad!! but stick at it & you will reep the rewards in time, ok! Check out your local community house & see what sort of courses they run.. Join a mens group.. or whatever you can find that feels ok to go to, for you. It is very important that you don't try & do it all alone!!

It is hard to reach out, but each little step you take, will help! Push your comfort boundaries out just a little further each time. Don't rush it though. A single step leads to the journey of a thousand miles! :niceone:

Print these out if you can & hang them up on a prominent wall.. & read them often!!!!!!

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1229358&postcount=1

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1214782&postcount=1

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1217739&postcount=1

Remember that the only person you can change.. is yourself! :niceone: Leave the rest of the wombles to themselves.. :laugh:

Jen :rockon:

[MyGSXF]

actually, funny you mention this. i've got involved in a few volunteer and charity projects over the last year or two, and found them to be some of the most worthwhile and personally rewarding things i've ever done. also helped bringin me out of my shell too :)
need to get back into that sortof thing again

YEAH baby!!!! :wari: get back into it for sure!!!!!!!!!!!! :2thumbsup

[Badcat]

this is great to see.
nice work for having the guts to discuss this stuff.
respect.

ken

[XP@]

This site may be interesting for some:

http://dailystrength.org/support-groups/Mental_Health_Addiction/Depression/

As well as depression there are a lot of other specific support networks. And well, sometimes we all need a bit of support ;-)

[discotex]

actually, funny you mention this. i've got involved in a few volunteer and charity projects over the last year or two, and found them to be some of the most worthwhile and personally rewarding things i've ever done. also helped bringin me out of my shell too :)
need to get back into that sortof thing again

It's also a pretty handy excuse to get out of visiting the family next xmas. "Sorry but I've got more important shit to do like help people in need... you know... the real xmas spirit" ... That should keep them quiet :)

Not sure how old you are but I found my depression slowly eased once I got past 23. Took plenty of work but that was when I started getting traction. I'm sure that was partially an age related change in my brain chemistry that helped.

Unfortunately depression had fucked my life up pretty damn good by then and it's taken a shit load of work to get back on track. You'd have no idea I was the same person if you met me then vs now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if inside you're not feeling great but are managing to keep your life on track you should try and hold onto that for when you get the inside to match the outside.

Much as it doesn't feel like there is any hope there is a strong chance you'll pop out the other side stronger and a better person for it.

[Badger8]

It's also a pretty handy excuse to get out of visiting the family next xmas. "Sorry but I've got more important shit to do like help people in need... you know... the real xmas spirit" ... That should keep them quiet :)

Not sure how old you are but I found my depression slowly eased once I got past 23. Took plenty of work but that was when I started getting traction. I'm sure that was partially an age related change in my brain chemistry that helped.

Unfortunately depression had fucked my life up pretty damn good by then and it's taken a shit load of work to get back on track. You'd have no idea I was the same person if you met me then vs now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if inside you're not feeling great but are managing to keep your life on track you should try and hold onto that for when you get the inside to match the outside.

Much as it doesn't feel like there is any hope there is a strong chance you'll pop out the other side stronger and a better person for it.

Yeah, i only really started making headway around 21. Got to the point in my life where i was mature enough to stop holding grudges, and truly forgive, and move past a lot of the shit in my life that was holding me back. Came to accept the fact that yeah, some pretty horrific shit has happened to me, but every single thing has made me who i am today. gotta leave the past where it is, learn from it, and move forward. Easier said than done most of the time, but i'm making progress.

Some days it's easy, some days it's a fight, but i'm keepin on plugging for now, hoping that the insides will match the outsides before too long.

[discotex]

Some days it's easy, some days it's a fight, but i'm keepin on plugging for now, hoping that the insides will match the outsides before too long.

Know exactly what you mean mate. Riding has certainly helped me. It gives me such a buzz every time I get on my bike. Keep on keepin on eh :soon:

[fireball]

when you have had enough what do you do?
feel like shit today the worst my depression has been in a long time.

[Steam]

when you have had enough what do you do?
feel like shit today the worst my depression has been in a long time.

When everything else fails, I go to bed. Just being in bed, in the dark, makes me feel slightly better. Don't have to deal with anything or anyone. Even if it's the middle of the day.

[fireball]

When everything else fails, I go to bed. Just being in bed, in the dark, makes me feel slightly better. Don't have to deal with anything or anyone. Even if it's the middle of the day.

there lies problem number 2.... i havent slept for 2 days at least, cant sleep couldnt eat today, had to take 2 sleeping pills last night and a half hour cold shower just to be able to get 3 hours sleep.... and im running out of sleeping pills only 3 left.

[Badger8]

when you have had enough what do you do?
feel like shit today the worst my depression has been in a long time.

I find it's each to their own when it comes to this. You need to try a few things, find what works for you, and stick with it.

Personally, i either hide in my shell and ignore the world (generally doesn't make things better, ut is a nice break from the world that is making me feel so bad), or find someone to be around that understands i'm having a shitty day, and that i just need to be around someone and talk rubbish. Find someone who understands that i dont want to talk about 'it', i just wanna hang out and feel 'normal' again

[Steam]

... i havent slept for 2 days at least, cant sleep ...
Oh dear! Sleep was always my friend.
I have no experience with anything like that so I have nothing else to say but Good Luck!
Thinking of you.

[Badger8]

there lies problem number 2.... i havent slept for 2 days at least, cant sleep couldnt eat today, had to take 2 sleeping pills last night and a half hour cold shower just to be able to get 3 hours sleep.... and im running out of sleeping pills only 3 left.

oh dear... been there, and it blows.
i have enough trouble sleeping at the best of times, damn insomnia. if you really cant sleep, and you know when you're lying there that it aint gonna happen, try doing something productive. Nothing worse thanlying there trying to get to sleep, thinking "Sleep you sod, sleep!" Just make sure it's something you can drop at a moment's notice if you feel the tired's coming on and jump into bed.
Dont make my mistake of cleaning your room, then finding yourself falling asleep standing up coz you covered your bed in crap!

Thoughts are with ya :hug: hope you get some well deserved rest soon :yes:

[Kittyhawk]

You guys know where I live...just call in when ever...even if ya's just want to go for a ride and end up somewhere....and dont worry bout what time of the day or night it is :yes:

[fireball]

im just over feeling like shit

im one of the kind of people you dont know have depression but its there every day i cant escape it any more

[necrolyte]

I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.

That is a quote from a movie that perfectly sums up how i feel about life in general, but i have found what my triggers are and what i can do to shake it off. I have medication that i'm supposed to take daily but just ends up being whenever i remember.

Personally i find that just doing anything that requires concentration (and is enjoyable) seems to help alot. I like to talk to people about absolute shit to take my mind off it, or work on my bike or car.

This is what helps me, probably different for you.
Peace out.

[Ocean1]

there lies problem number 2.... i havent slept for 2 days at least, cant sleep couldnt eat today, had to take 2 sleeping pills last night and a half hour cold shower just to be able to get 3 hours sleep.... and im running out of sleeping pills only 3 left.

Lack of sleep can mess me up no end.

And it's definitely that way around, trouble sleeping for a couple of days then feel like crap.

Tried Yoga?

[fireball]

Lack of sleep can mess me up no end.

And it's definitely that way around, trouble sleeping for a couple of days then feel like crap.

Tried Yoga?
tried working myself to point of exhaustion today i think and hope it has worked

[DarkHeart]

Hi there one and all. I hope this msg finds u all safe and well. Hope u all had a good Xmas and New Years. Mine was rather quiet and uneventful...... Personaly these days i hate the festive time of year because it just ain't festive for me anymore. The only real reason i participate in it anymore is for my daughter any my neice's and nephew.. But on a lighter note i've not had many "episodes of darkness" recently. Which i am madly greatful for.....a few anxiety attacks which had the potential to tear me apart from the inside out...but i managed to see them coming and set myself on the way to avoiding them. Thankfully it worked for the most part. I have recently told a couple of my closest friends about what eats me up....and they have been greatly supportive and understanding. There are some...as usual... that just don't get it and or care to try to get it. But they can just sod off!! Anyway enough of that for now...... Hope everyone has a great start to the new year. Take care all and peace out. :rockon:

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Progress not perfection
I went to a place last week and visited some friends - over the last 8-10 years they have seen what I have been thru. I received a compliment from an older wiser guy who simply said "My goodness you have changed - you have come thru so much and it is amazing to see and hear where you are at now".

I am grateful that my medication is all sorted and is working. Without it the whole chemical imbalance will come back. I've proved that often enough.
I cannot and will not get complacent about depression. It can strike at any time and sometimes for no reason at all. It is so good to be out of the big black hole at present.

[vifferman]

I am grateful that my medication is all sorted and is working. It is so good to be out of the big black hole at present.
Good stuff, BMW! :niceone:
I hope things continue to get better for you. :yes:

[007XX]

Progress not perfection
I went to a place last week and visited some friends - over the last 8-10 years they have seen what I have been thru. I received a compliment from an older wiser guy who simply said "My goodness you have changed - you have come thru so much and it is amazing to see and hear where you are at now".

I am grateful that my medication is all sorted and is working. Without it the whole chemical imbalance will come back. I've proved that often enough.
I cannot and will not get complacent about depression. It can strike at any time and sometimes for no reason at all. It is so good to be out of the big black hole at present.

:clap: Awesome news!!! :first:

Welcome to the other side :sunny:

[Kittyhawk]

My OE is on hold. I started packing up on a Monday 2 weeks ago feeling sorry for myself as I feel there is nothing here, but excited at the same time as I was wondering what kind of bike I'd buy and tour around Auzzie on...got a phone call that day saying I was successful at an interview.

Now Im staying put until I sort my career out get qualified..

Then I will go riding around Auzzie then the rest of the world.

[Bikernereid]

Excellent news about the job shame about the trip though. Oz will still be waiting for you so something to look forward to once you are settled in the new job. Exciting times ahead.


My OE is on hold. I started packing up on a Monday 2 weeks ago feeling sorry for myself as I feel there is nothing here, but excited at the same time as I was wondering what kind of bike I'd buy and tour around Auzzie on...got a phone call that day saying I was successful at an interview.

Now Im staying put until I sort my career out get qualified..

Then I will go riding around Auzzie then the rest of the world.

[buellbabe]

Great stuff Kittyhawk!

Hope the new job is a step in the right direction for you :sunny:

[Gubb]

Put it off for long enough, and wrote about this in another thread, so i'll just copy and paste it.

Link to the original thread + Pics (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=68325).


Fuck it. Here's the story.

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed 6 years ago. Since then i've battled with it every day of my life. Suicide attempts, weeks where I can't even get out of bed, you name it, i've been through it. Lost 2 great mates to suicide as well.

Anywho. To me, the Phoenix represents my struggle. Rising from the ashes, means that tomorrow can always be a better day, and no matter how deep and dark I feel, I will get better soon. Today is not the end of the world. The bird aspect of it also represents freedom of the soul. It is also looking forward, towards the future.

The star that it is carrying up with it represents 5 things that have got me through some tough times.

Friends.
Family.
Love.
Honour.
Integrity.

The star is supposed to look deformed, as though it has been dragged through hell and back (just as I have been), and that effect will come with the shading.

Sappy, I know, but it means a lot to me, and I am utterly stoked with how it turned out.

[NZIrish]

last time i ws depressed i grabbed a rifle, a map of the city and a tall building LOL...No but seriously I was diagnosed with PTSD in a previous job, once the bosses found I was getting help for it they rallied around alright ..., they fabricated a bad story against me, took me to court and forced me to leave. It was like a fucking outer body experience!

[Teflon]

tried working myself to point of exhaustion today i think and hope it has worked

Try heavy dead lifts.. deadlifts fixes everything, helps with sleep, excellent for self confidence.. makes you mentally tough ( you'll be surprised with how much you can lift )

or smoke some weed..

[GerryAttrick]

Its probably more common than many think - I have it and have had it off and on for several years. Depression (as opposed to just feeling crap or sad about losing a pet, family member or whatever) is neurochemical. The standard treatment is by using drugs (antidepressants) to balance those neuro chemicals. However it comes and goes with some times being worse. I have had years when I have had no problems so while its always possible to relapse it may never happen.

Tiredness, stress and a whole heap of other things seem to make mine worse but I take my meds - don't hide it and I find that a bit of exercise always makes things better. If your body feels good then usually the depression goes..

Personally I ride my bike everyday regardless of how I feel. Its the one place I have to think about riding and not any other $hit and I always feel great after a ride. One thing that does help is having mates who drag you out for rides as its easy to tell yourself you feel to crappy to be bothered.

So - if you have a few mates who ride make sure they know that you have depression and get them to give you a hurry up to go riding.

Just my 2c worth -YMMV:sunny:

[fireball]

im still not sleeping very well, i cant remember the last night of decent sleep that i have had (more than 4 hours)

i am moving out east soon maybe that will help....

[rainman]

Just came across this article (http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/feb/27/mentalhealth) on the interweb and thought it might be interesting for the readers of this thread.

[Kittyhawk]

how is everyone going?

[Maha]

how is everyone going?

Good thanks, how are you?.....wow this is like that MSN thingy...:eek:

[Steam]

how is everyone going?

Not so good, but I'm trying to ignore it and keep distracted.

[Kittyhawk]

Good thanks, how are you?.....wow this is like that MSN thingy...:eek:
your not on msn?? :blink:


Not so good, but I'm trying to ignore it and keep distracted.

pm sent.

[CookMySock]

Hey.. Remember theres the IRC chatroom ay.. always someone to goof off with or talk shit with there, or type a long a long story too, if thats what you need right now.

C'mon over, its always nice and warm there. Be sure to "say" if you're not feeling so flash.


best,
DB

[Badger8]

how is everyone going?

i've seen better days.

(damn, now i've got that song stuck in my head! :doh:)

Same old shit that comes and goes, it'll pass in time i guess

[LilSel]

im still not sleeping very well, i cant remember the last night of decent sleep that i have had (more than 4 hours)

i am moving out east soon maybe that will help....

:blink: Sorry for the teeth grinding baby!! :crazy:
(I grind my teeth really loudly in my sleep... I dont know doing it)

Yay!! Cant wait till you move in!! :hug::2thumbsup

[deanohit]

Not so good, but I'm trying to ignore it and keep distracted.
Same here for the past week, I find myself slipping into old habits as soon as the stress level goes up, but must say meeting up with the guys and talking shit for awhile tonight has boosted my spirits! :niceone:

[martybabe]

I dont really want to read this thread because it would ,possibly, make me revisit a dark place I once called Home.

I would however like to add my support to fellow sufferers and the friends/family of sufferers. I wish us all a brighter future.

[XP@]

I dont really want to read this thread because it would ,possibly, make me revisit a dark place I once called Home.

I would however like to add my support to fellow sufferers and the friends/family of sufferers. I wish us all a brighter future.
It is not all that bad, this thread has supported me through some tough times.

I've not been about for a while, but recently reality has been slapping me about the face again :(

[Kittyhawk]

It is not all that bad, this thread has supported me through some tough times.

I've not been about for a while, but recently reality has been slapping me about the face again :(

Hun you know Im just a pm away...let me know if theres anything I can do to support ya *hugs*

[Unit]

I feeling really upset tonight because I have to put my dog down tomorrow. The wine probably doesnt help I believe its a depressant but Im still in denial about that.
Read the full story here
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=69656

[buellbabe]

Hiya, well I felt the need to ressurect this thread cos lately I have felt like an utter trainwreck. Nearly had a complete meltdown at work last week. It was only the kind words of support from my dear friend Rashika that stopped me from just walking out of the place.
Feeling very ‘woe is me’ and I hate being so needy, especially when I think about some of the stuff that other people go through. But we are all individual eh? And what may be a molehill for one person is a mountain for the next person.
Things have just gone from bad to worse over the last couple of weeks and I was starting to wonder if I was losing the plot, didn’t seem to have a rational thought in my head. Then Friday arvo when my head was beginning to really pound I thought to myself, “jeez those fumes from the iso are bloody strong, must go get some fresh air”. All of a sudden a little bulb lit up in my very hazy grey matter. I wonder if I am feeling so f**ked up cos of all the Isoprpyl alcohol I have been breathing in over the last week?
To clarify, I am an image retoucher however I am also an old-school high-end scanner operator and last week I was doing quite a lot of scanning. The scanning room is small, enclosed and NOT ventilated, we use iso to clean the drums and the trannies and although I always wear gloves when I am using the stuff I don’t wear a mask ... the fumes are pretty strong and its dawned on me that maybe I had a low dose of chemical poisoning!!!

Sure my worries still exist but after a weekend away from work they somehow don’t seem to be quite as insurmountable. They are still significant issues that need to be dealt with but I feel more confident that I WILL deal with them. Basically, I HAVE to.

Kinda makes me wonder how often depression could be attributed to external environmental factors? No doubt there have been extensive studies done on the subject...

Anyway, also wanted to touch on something else that has been mentioned in this thread earlier and thats the benefits of fresh air and animals. God I don’t know what I would do without my animals. Got home on friday night on an all time low. Put my fave CD on ... VERY LOUD ... poured myself a drink and collapsed into a chair. Shar came and nuzzled me but she doesn’t really like the stereo up that loud so she took herself off to her bed. Dyna came and sat ON my feet and pressed herself against me occasionally looking at me with questioning eyes as if to say “are you ok mum?” If she could have given me a hug she would have. It was impossible not to be touched by her sensitvity. She is the most incredible dog and not for the first time I thought to myself that my dogs really do give my life meaning.

[chanceyy]

Hiya, well I felt the need to ressurect this thread cos lately I have felt like an utter trainwreck. Nearly had a complete meltdown at work last week. It was only the kind words of support from my dear friend Rashika that stopped me from just walking out of the place.
Feeling very ‘woe is me’ and I hate being so needy, especially when I think about some of the stuff that other people go through. But we are all individual eh? And what may be a molehill for one person is a mountain for the next person.
Things have just gone from bad to worse over the last couple of weeks and I was starting to wonder if I was losing the plot, didn’t seem to have a rational thought in my head. Then Friday arvo when my head was beginning to really pound I thought to myself, “jeez those fumes from the iso are bloody strong, must go get some fresh air”. All of a sudden a little bulb lit up in my very hazy grey matter. I wonder if I am feeling so f**ked up cos of all the Isoprpyl alcohol I have been breathing in over the last week?
To clarify, I am an image retoucher however I am also an old-school high-end scanner operator and last week I was doing quite a lot of scanning. The scanning room is small, enclosed and NOT ventilated, we use iso to clean the drums and the trannies and although I always wear gloves when I am using the stuff I don’t wear a mask ... the fumes are pretty strong and its dawned on me that maybe I had a low dose of chemical poisoning!!!

Sure my worries still exist but after a weekend away from work they somehow don’t seem to be quite as insurmountable. They are still significant issues that need to be dealt with but I feel more confident that I WILL deal with them. Basically, I HAVE to.

Kinda makes me wonder how often depression could be attributed to external environmental factors? No doubt there have been extensive studies done on the subject...

Anyway, also wanted to touch on something else that has been mentioned in this thread earlier and thats the benefits of fresh air and animals. God I don’t know what I would do without my animals. Got home on friday night on an all time low. Put my fave CD on ... VERY LOUD ... poured myself a drink and collapsed into a chair. Shar came and nuzzled me but she doesn’t really like the stereo up that loud so she took herself off to her bed. Dyna came and sat ON my feet and pressed herself against me occasionally looking at me with questioning eyes as if to say “are you ok mum?” If she could have given me a hug she would have. It was impossible not to be touched by her sensitvity. She is the most incredible dog and not for the first time I thought to myself that my dogs really do give my life meaning.

:hug: BB .. I hear you on the animals, my animals have always been in tune to when i am feeling very low & tend to respond to my mood .. My mare especially picks up if I am feeling down & always just stands next to me nuzzling & blows on me .. No matter what is wrong I find it hard to remain low when i am around them, Animals are completely pure, they do not judge you and give you unconditional love.

hmmmm also I am picking it would be against osh regulations for you to work in such close proximity to chemicals without adequate ventilation or protection .. I would follow up on this one chick

& just remember friends are only a call away ... have added you to my buddy list hon & you can access my phone numbers

[vifferman]

Kinda makes me wonder how often depression could be attributed to external environmental factors?
Maybe not just external, but things like diet too? :spudwhat:

'They' reckon depression is a growing problem in the modern world, particularly western countries. It makes me wonder whether things that didn't previously exist, such as detergents, deodorants, organic chemicals (weedicides, pesticides,etc.) contribute to it. Like there was a thought that things like Parkinsons are caused by aluminium cookware etc., but what about anti-perspirants, that commonly contain aluminium compounds, that we are spraying onto our skin (and inhaling small amounts of)? What about inhalation of exhaust fumes, that are 'safe' now that the greenies have had tetraethyl lead removed, but contain large quantities of xylene and toluene?

I know that my depression may be at least partially genetic, but I was also exposed years ago to high levels of tetrabromoethane and acetone while doing lab work, and worked with weedicides such as 2,4,5-T (with no protection) while working in the forest and on a farm. That can't be too good.

But mostly I blame the Gubmint and bureacrats - they don't get enough stick for fucking things up, so let's blame them. :yes:

[buellbabe]

245-T?
WHOAH! One of my childhood friends was exposed to that as a child and she is a complete cot-case. Not only does she suffer from depression but her immune system is rooted because of the chemical poisoning.

And Chancey, cheers chick. Its nice to know people care. Unfortunately I am cursed with not wanting to burden people so thats kinda why things get to the woe-is-me level before I wail and moan! Rashika and AJ are 2 rocks of support. Mind you I have also been there for them on occasion so I guess thats what being a friend is about eh?

[Toaster]

Hiya, well I felt the need to ressurect this thread cos lately I have felt like an utter trainwreck. Nearly had a complete meltdown at work last week. It was only the kind words of support from my dear friend Rashika that stopped me from just walking out of the place.
Feeling very ‘woe is me’ and I hate being so needy, especially when I think about some of the stuff that other people go through. But we are all individual eh? And what may be a molehill for one person is a mountain for the next person.
Things have just gone from bad to worse over the last couple of weeks and I was starting to wonder if I was losing the plot, didn’t seem to have a rational thought in my head.

I completed understand and empathise.

Might come as a surprise to some, but I have just been going through the same thing myself and am currently taking a long break from work to sort out my head and priorities. The last few years rather traumatic events have finally taken their toll as things at work got out of hand and became the final straw that pushed me to breaking point.

Rather than break, I have sought rest and help to get me back. Breaking is not an option and am taking the time to relax.

All the best on your journey.

[buellbabe]

Thanks mate... back at ya.:2thumbsup

Currently working on my CV, gotta get out of here. Its a bummer cos I love the people I work with but the general morale is so low its sub-terranean.

[chanceyy]

245-T?

And Chancey, cheers chick. Its nice to know people care. Unfortunately I am cursed with not wanting to burden people so thats kinda why things get to the woe-is-me level before I wail and moan! Rashika and AJ are 2 rocks of support. Mind you I have also been there for them on occasion so I guess thats what being a friend is about eh?

absolutely its a two way street (or supose to be) it can be hard taking on others burdens but not having the outlet for yourself .. I know that one .. hence my horses are my stabilizing factor

& to be honest babe once you vent it out to your friends its a release, alot of the time you are so close to a situation you can not see through the cloud that surrounds you ... & others who are outside might be able to assist with clarity

its awesome having "gold" friends huh .. they are the ones who are there for you no matter what

[Toaster]

morale in many places is low.

[vifferman]

Might come as a surprise to some, but I have just been going through the same thing myself and am currently taking a long break from work to sort out my head and priorities.
Good luck with that, Mr Toaster. I hope it helps and you get well.

It's hard work sorting out your head - well, it is for me at least. I've been off antidepressants for over a year now, and I think I'm starting to come right. Every day is a challenge, but I was pleased in the weekend that smart-arse quips and jokes were popping into my head by themselves, so maybe I'm nearly back to my good ole (bad ole?) abnormal self.

[Toaster]

Good luck with that, Mr Toaster. I hope it helps and you get well.

It's hard work sorting out your head - well, it is for me at least. I've been off antidepressants for over a year now, and I think I'm starting to come right. Every day is a challenge, but I was pleased in the weekend that smart-arse quips and jokes were popping into my head by themselves, so maybe I'm nearly back to my good ole (bad ole?) abnormal self.

Cheers mate. Here's to being abnormal again!! hehe!

[Subike]

Hello all you guys!
Its raining out side
the fire is going,
The dishes are piled up and I have no work for another week!
SHIT!
Wondering if my savings will last, need to fill the fuel tank, wood shed, and food cuboard.
But I AM ALIVE!
I could allow the sadness to get in....it tries...sleep wants to race away from me at 100mph! but a good Hot COCO seems to bring it back..
And a hottie on my toes. The darkness finally captures the zzzzzzz's
Yeap the fresh air out here is great, just full of water in it at the moment.
Gotta mow the lawns and wash the windows too.
But all these things are just what is around me.
In side? the battle rages, two sides of arguments that fight in my mind.
I shut one down and the other comes up.
So turn up the music, whislte with the bird, wish I still had me dog.
I am Board ...and that allows all the negatives to flow in.
But I will last today, and tomorrow too, as each day is a blessing when its spent above the ground.
I will be thinking of you all, as I know you will be thinking of me now. So our collective thoughs are positive, We will get there.
And the weather will clear, the roads will dry, and we can all go for that mind clearing ride.

[vifferman]

... wish I still had me dog.
Yeah, dogs are good. So loyal and accepting.

[glice]

dont know if its been said in here already (was taking too long to read all of in).

how do you help a family member with depression who wont admit theres an issue and wont talk about it?

[avgas]

Jeepers this place got depressing.
One thing i found it hard to do - but when i figured it out was to take everything you think of and flip it round. A depressed mind is like a 3 year old in quicksand (sorry for the analogy but it is), the more scared it gets the more they move, the more they mover the sadder they get, the more sadder the more scared.......
Yes times are hard - but your still here.
Yes work sucks - but your still able to work.
Yes your friends are gone - but you had a bloody good time with them before they left.
Yes you family is gone - but they left you behind to carry on their memory.
Yes all the money is gone - but the greed has as well.
This is not the misfortune of you life - this is the challenges that you life will triumph. You write the book, not read it. You must keep telling yourself that.
Luv ya all and know i'm huggin ya all right now. :hug:
Stew

[Grub]

This is an OSH issue! Isopropyl Alcohol is a poison. Not to alarm you or anything ...

- According to the US Occupational Safety & Health Dept (http://www.osha.gov/SLTC/healthguidelines/isopropylalcohol/recognition.html) ... "may cause central nervous system depression at very high concentrations [Hathaway et al. 1991]."

- According to Yahoo Answers (http://nz.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080327003602AA141Ox) ... "See a doctor or go to a rehab before you compromise your life."

- According to Paranoia Drug Informations Server (http://paranoia.lycaeum.org/alcohol/Isopropyl-Alcohol) "Effects may include reduced memory and concentration, personality changes (withdrawal, irritability), fatigue, sleep disturbances, reduced coordination, and/or effects on nerves supplying internal organs (autonomic nerves) and/or nerves to the arms and legs (weakness, "pins and needles")."

So it's nasty stuff, you should be reporting your exposure, make sure it is part of a written record and possibly making sure it is notified outside of your employer. You may need these records for later

[Citroenjunkie]

If you have a headache you get asprin, if you cut yourself you get a plaster, if you are hungry you find food, if you have an accident you phone for an ambulance...

If you are depressed ask for help! Go and see your GP and say, "I am depressed, help me!"

Take the tablets and allow yourself to get better. I sometimes wonder if my "happy pills" are any more than placebos and sometimes I take them and offer a prayer of thanks.

The scary, obsessive voice that used to drive me nearly bonkers is only a faint memory. I now know that it can be overcome, and I also know that I never need to go back that deep, that far that low.

I now have a partner, a great job, a happy, balanced, great life and I honestly believe that if I hadn't asked for help I'd be an inscription on a brass plaque.

The hardest part is to open your mouth and say "Help", but you can do it...you MUST!

[buellbabe]

Hey Grub,
Talked to my boss this morning and told him how it was affecting me. I was stuck in that room for 3 hours yesterday arvo and then this morning they gave me another 22 A4 scans to do. F**K!

I can actually feel my throat becoming irritated. Feel like crap this morning. I told the boss not to expect the scans in a hurry cos I will be going for frequent walks to get fresh air LOL.

And yeah, I know its NOT a laughing matter.

Subike, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us... and yep, I will be thinking about you now :hug:

[ManDownUnder]

Just tripped across this site www.thelowdown.co.nz (http://www.thelowdown.co.nz)

Another resource for depression.

[vifferman]

Just tripped across this site www.thelowdown.co.nz (http://www.thelowdown.co.nz)

Looks good, Nige. :niceone:
A bit trendy for a an Olde Phart like me though. :doh:

[ManDownUnder]

Looks good, Nige. :niceone:
A bit trendy for a an Olde Phart like me though. :doh:

Horses for courses eh?

[vifferman]

Horses for courses eh?
Don't like horses - no handlebars. :eek:
And I'm looking to have a nice juicy horse steak in Deurne when we visit the outlaws - apparently that's what we're likely to get on the Sunday.

[Clivoris]

Just tripped across this site www.thelowdown.co.nz (http://www.thelowdown.co.nz)

Another resource for depression.

It's a great site for the young at heart.

[Hitcher]

Don't like horses - no handlebars.

And no Kill Switch.

[The Stranger]

I note there has been no depression sinse June, everyone get better?

[short-circuit]

I note there has been no depression sinse June, everyone get better?

Nah just recession since then

[buellbabe]

Seriously?

Well I don't know about anyone else but my life went down the gurgler and reached crisis point in late October.

The way I saw it I had 2 choices, give up or not.

I chose to not give up and despite crap still coming my way (just life I guess) things are actually looking brighter for the first time in a while.

BTW this is my last day in this job, I have been with the company for nearly 14yrs and I am redundant. So I won't be very active on this site for a while cos I don't have a puta set up at home...

[Hitcher]

I note there has been no depression sinse June, everyone get better?

Too busy..

[vifferman]

BTW this is my last day in this job, I have been with the company for nearly 14yrs and I am redundant. So I won't be very active on this site for a while cos I don't have a puta set up at home...
Hey, that's no good! I hope you find something better soon, and that the interval betwen jobs is positive.

As for the depression thing - is it something that ever goes away?
My brain's still fukt, and I've found that after so many years on antidepressants, even a very small dose of something like St John's Wort causes wildly fluctuating bad mojo, so I guess that means there's no help to be had in the current crop of meds. I did find that alcohol mellows me out, especially when I'm feeling (I was going to say "tragic", but that's a line from the Bowie song "China Girl") anxious, but I've also found that even one beer makes me feel crap the next day, so maybe my liver's not the best either, or I'm running out of brain cells?

Almost every day is a struggle. It's a wonder I haven't yet been fired, as I'm very unproductive at work.
And home.
Little motivation.
And I really dread Christmasandmybirthday. :(

[Sparrowhawk]

I occasionally get the "everybody hates me, nobody loves me, I'm going down the garden to eat worms" thing going. I've been told it's 'depression', but not severe enuf to need meds.

Funny thing is, when I get like that, I jump on the bike, find some twistys, and I'm fine after that.

[Coyote]

I can not stress enough just how fucking mint Prozac is. It's like it flicks a switch in my head that makes everything ok. I've been dumped and found out I have genital warts, and I didn't kill myself over all that.

I've been off it for a week since I ran out (off to the doc for more this week) and the bad thoughts have just flooded in. It's incredible. Got my libido back now which isn't good since I'm not getting any anymore with my two problems.

I've started to triple the usual speed I go on the bike. I've never tried to top myself, I just take stupid risks and treat cars on the motorway like a slalom course.

The next dose can't come soon enough. I'm definitely addicted to it now.

[Blackshear]

As an 18 year old, I really cannot say much.
More often than not, I feel as if there's no REAL point in waking up the next day. Every day is the same, and unless I win lotto, it always will be to me.
Dropped out of school at 16, had too much of a rage/depression type mood swing going on. Worked at a supermarket moving 2-3 tons of produce to and from the store to chiller every day for 2 years. Dead end kinda job.
Those were bad days. But I got up and lived another day.

Been at my new job now for almost 11 weeks, and I've only taken to myself with a blade twice, really quite proud of myself.
Before someone raises the 'attention seeking' flag, only 2 people know. I feel it's the only way to release the anger inside, as opposed to bottling it up, flying full tit around birkdale, OD'ing on something or taking it out on other people.

I hope this is a teenager thing, cause when I think about it, I feel rather silly.

Felt kinda nice writing that.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thank god we don't have a crystal ball to see into the future - otherwise I would be dead now. I can handle some pretty big shit but what I can't handle is the utter evilness of some people and unfortunately I have been on the receiving end of a few. Frankly I've had enough fn challenges - in fact I would just request a balance if at all possible - instead of all bad - have some good once in a while. Depression often sounds like self pity - I guess - I'm not into self pity and know that is not what I am feeling. Each year is getting worse in the shit stakes. There comes a time when there is not fight left - and you look in the past to see what you fought so hard for - just to struggle to exist. Wow that is so exciting Not. I don't see the point either in listing my woes - frankly I'm too tired and unwell to give a fk about anything.

[vifferman]

I hope this is a teenager thing, cause when I think about it, I feel rather silly.

Felt kinda nice writing that.
It could be "a teenager thing" - the rampant hormones you have flooding your system don't help.
It's good that getting that off your chest helped. It's a big step forward. :niceone:

[Badcat]

I hope this is a teenager thing, cause when I think about it, I feel rather silly.

Felt kinda nice writing that.

yeah bud - tell someone - tell us - just make sure you get it outside you.
it's nice to see others feel like you sometimes - and cope and get better.
be kind to yourself - what you feel isn't wrong, it's what happens and letting yourself feel it and deal with it is the natural process of getting better.
lean on your friends if you need.
i've been leaning on mine the past few weeks - it's not easy to ask for help - but very worthwhile.

ken

[ynot slow]

Hey guys,sorry if this pisses you off but,talk of suicide is an easy way out.

My ma in law died yesterday after a short(diagnosed but had been undetected)battle,we were told before xmas 2-3 weeks,she hung on to let us all enjoy xmas and new year(as if),then several times we were told come home etc,we did one night(40hours no sleep with 2 days work in between,and 380km driving),finally she let go,a bloody tough,never give up attitude I admire.

[Winston001]

Hey guys,sorry if this pisses you off but,talk of suicide is an easy way out.

My ma in law died yesterday after a short(diagnosed but had been undetected)battle,we were told before xmas 2-3 weeks,she hung on to let us all enjoy xmas and new year(as if),then several times we were told come home etc,we did one night(40hours no sleep with 2 days work in between,and 380km driving),finally she let go,a bloody tough,never give up attitude I admire.

Good to share, been through that experience too.

Don't quite agree about the suicide comment but understand why you say that. The problem is that by the time a person wants to end their life, their brain is not operating the right way. They are not thinking rationally. Call it temporary insanity if that helps, labels don't matter. Getting relief from the pain inside the head, the thoughts of hopelessness, becomes a valid solution - at that time.

If a person feels like that - ask for help. See a doctor, counsellor, somebody. Its actually a recoverable condition even if it recurs from time to time. Its the chemistry in your brain out of balance - not you. Just like diabetes it is treatable.

[ManDownUnder]

More often than not, I feel as if there's no REAL point in waking up the next day. Every day is the same, and unless I win lotto, it always will be to me.
...put a little fun into each day mate... aim for something - and achieve it. Even if it's only a walk to the dairy to buy bread, or putting on a BBQ for your friends or... whatever it is YOU would like to achieve.

Make it small enough to be achievable, and really enjoy the achievement. Be proud YOU did it. To hell with what anyone else thinks... if it was a challenge for you to do it... and you did it anyway... stand tall.


Been at my new job now for almost 11 weeks, and I've only taken to myself with a blade twice, really quite proud of myself.

Before someone raises the 'attention seeking' flag, only 2 people know. I feel it's the only way to release the anger inside, as opposed to bottling it up, flying full tit around birkdale, OD'ing on something or taking it out on other people.

There's a few in here that know about that and how it really works. Bloody good onya for just putting your hand up in here man. That's no small feat...!

The chances are it will happen again. I'm saying that so if/when it does you're able to see it for what it is. It is NOT defeat, it is NOT failure. It's actually quite likely, and it's a sign you still need some help...

... so - go find some...!


I hope this is a teenager thing, cause when I think about it, I feel rather silly.

Felt kinda nice writing that.

It's not a teenage thing - it's a thing of someone wanting relief from something. It's not good, but it's not "only you". Talk to someone... that you want to talk to. Lots of people will want to help, but if if you don't care, or want to hear what they have to say then it's not helping you.

Good luck man - try to make each day better than the last... just little by little.

[ynot slow]

Good to share, been through that experience too.

Don't quite agree about the suicide comment but understand why you say that. The problem is that by the time a person wants to end their life, their brain is not operating the right way. They are not thinking rationally. Call it temporary insanity if that helps, labels don't matter. Getting relief from the pain inside the head, the thoughts of hopelessness, becomes a valid solution - at that time.

If a person feels like that - ask for help. See a doctor, counsellor, somebody. Its actually a recoverable condition even if it recurs from time to time. Its the chemistry in your brain out of balance - not you. Just like diabetes it is treatable.


Agree,but present circumstances and suicide tend to annoy me lol,ma in law didn't want to die etc.Had a mate whose nephew shot himself,at the funeral everyone said what a shame,how sad etc,the uncle got up and said what crap,who found him(dad)who can't understand (parents),and generally gave his nephew bollocks for taking easy way out.His nephews mates agreed afterwards as they had no closure,one said fair enough if ill and no hope of surviving,end it quickly.

[ManDownUnder]

Agree,but present circumstances and suicide tend to annoy me

... it's a big issue - I'd prefer you guys to agree to disagree rather than argue it out in here... I can't see it being resolved too quickly, and it might dilute other (very valuable) aspects of this conversation...

[Winston001]

Agree,but present circumstances and suicide tend to annoy me lol,ma in law didn't want to die etc.Had a mate whose nephew shot himself,at the funeral everyone said what a shame,how sad etc,the uncle got up and said what crap,who found him(dad)who can't understand (parents),and generally gave his nephew bollocks for taking easy way out.His nephews mates agreed afterwards as they had no closure,one said fair enough if ill and no hope of surviving,end it quickly.

Understood and your feelings are natural, shared by most of the population. But don't think deliberately ending ones life is easy or selfish - that perspective is the sort of lack of understanding which drives desperately sad people deeper into despair.

Imagine feeling like you are so worthless that death is the only option - stop being a burden on your family, end the dark pain.... Then you get told such thoughts are selfish - that really makes you feel even lower.

The thing is, by the time a person can only see one way out, they have no sense of self left - no ego, no future, nothing. Just black. And it hurts - worse still, its inside your head and you can't escape it. You can't be selfish if you are worthless so better for everyone else - all the strong HTFU ones, if you just go away......

[ynot slow]

True to Winston,it possibly has a lot to do with the mental fortitude of the person concerned,if they want to kill themselves in the belief that is best for them they will.The people saying htfu and tut tut noises do no help at all,as John Kirwin said htfu was not the thing to say to him.

Even talking to close friends brings no respite to the problem,I no a person who did that,the guy seemed fine and obviously the demons in his mind didn't agree,he died 2 days later,left a couple of mates wondering wtf they did,could've done,and blamed themselves for a while.

[mstriumph]

i'm depressed ........

[Winston001]

Even talking to close friends brings no respite to the problem,I no a person who did that,the guy seemed fine and obviously the demons in his mind didn't agree,he died 2 days later,left a couple of mates wondering wtf they did,could've done,and blamed themselves for a while.



Yeah......talking is good but really it needs to be with an empathic person or a skilled professional. Even then there are no guarantees. One of the reasons we have counsellors and psychologists is that they are strangers - non-judgemental and outside the friends/family loop. Confiding deep and irrational fears is easier with a stranger.

That is one reason I regret the loss of religion/spirituality in our community. A couple of generations ago, a troubled person went to their minister or priest. We've replaced them with secular listeners but many think going to a counsellor is weak. Plus there is a cost.


mstriumph - i'm depressed ........

Anything in particular set it off? Being sad/depressed occasionally is perfectly normal for everyone. Its only a problem if it occurs regularly, can't be shaken off, and appears for no apparent reason.

[Blackshear]

It could be "a teenager thing" - the rampant hormones you have flooding your system don't help.
It's good that getting that off your chest helped. It's a big step forward. :niceone:
Who knows ha ha.
Yeah it was nice, odd for me though, really.

yeah bud - tell someone - tell us - just make sure you get it outside you.
it's nice to see others feel like you sometimes - and cope and get better.
be kind to yourself - what you feel isn't wrong, it's what happens and letting yourself feel it and deal with it is the natural process of getting better.
lean on your friends if you need.
i've been leaning on mine the past few weeks - it's not easy to ask for help - but very worthwhile.

ken
The whole moral support thing does have merits to it, I agree. Positive reinforcement with someone you know has/is going through a similar phase/process/lane as yourself.


...put a little fun into each day mate... aim for something - and achieve it. Even if it's only a walk to the dairy to buy bread, or putting on a BBQ for your friends or... whatever it is YOU would like to achieve.

Make it small enough to be achievable, and really enjoy the achievement. Be proud YOU did it. To hell with what anyone else thinks... if it was a challenge for you to do it... and you did it anyway... stand tall.



There's a few in here that know about that and how it really works. Bloody good onya for just putting your hand up in here man. That's no small feat...!

The chances are it will happen again. I'm saying that so if/when it does you're able to see it for what it is. It is NOT defeat, it is NOT failure. It's actually quite likely, and it's a sign you still need some help...

... so - go find some...!



It's not a teenage thing - it's a thing of someone wanting relief from something. It's not good, but it's not "only you". Talk to someone... that you want to talk to. Lots of people will want to help, but if if you don't care, or want to hear what they have to say then it's not helping you.

Good luck man - try to make each day better than the last... just little by little.

How do I reply! So much to take in.
There is a flaw in the achievement thing. I has a very low dose of self motivation coarsing through my blood. Mostly the reason I dropped out of school. I saw it as 'I know I can achieve all this crap if I set my mind to it, so why bother if I already know if I can.'
Sounds really bloody lazy now that I read it. But yeah, it's just how I view everything, really.

Bleh. I must sleep now. Need energy to reason tomorrow, as I'll either be unemployed or not by the end of the workshift. Involves fatheaded shop foremen and respect issues. Not good for Chris to be around him. Wish me luck people!

Lastly, thanks for your inputs. I do greatly appreciate them, really.
Sometimes it tough to lean over, when you're worried noone will catchya.
I wish unto you all a good day :)

[ManDownUnder]

How do I reply! So much to take in.
no need - this is all about you.


There is a flaw in the achievement thing. I has a very low dose of self motivation coarsing through my blood. Mostly the reason I dropped out of school. I saw it as 'I know I can achieve all this crap if I set my mind to it, so why bother if I already know if I can.'
Sounds really bloody lazy now that I read it. But yeah, it's just how I view everything, really.

Nope - that IS normal. Why try for something you don't value? It'd be like be aiming for a job in the church. No matter how small or lofty the role - if I don't care I'm not ging to be motivated.

Start small. Bowl along to a few of the KB events (thu night ride comes to mind). Achieve that! Get a few successes under your belt and you'll start enjoy this thing... aim for something else... then grow. It's going to take a while...


Sometimes it tough to lean over, when you're worried noone will catchya.
I wish unto you all a good day :)
Yeah well there's a number of people in here willing to help... so long as you help yourself too.

[eurodick]

What do you think of this.... Do you know someone who has it? What are the best coping skills for this? Should you continue to ride when negative destructive thoughts are about in your mind?

If you do have depression please PM me as I'd like to know more... I'll explain why when I reply.
Yeah well maybe riding on the road ain't too hot when ya got self destructive tendancies, but can recommend the great outdoors on a dirt bike. Hvae used it as a therapeutic tool myself both for me and others. Have 15 years esperience in Mental Health, so I know the risks and benefits.
Hope all is well
Cheers

[WolfCollared]

You can only do so much to help people like anything in life.

Relate it to biking, you can give a new rider all the advice and talk about your mistakes etc, but at the end of the day its up to them to ride the bike alone.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

I guess after the year I have had had it is not surprising I am sinking further and further into deep depression. Emotionally, physically, spiritually I am exhausted - the brain is fried and I got to the stage I just could not think at all. Shit was happening from every which way I have not even had a chance to try and get up - there is no energy left to fight. No Hope. And when it gets to that stage you know you are in the shit big time - sorry I can only speak for myself. Anyway I tried some alternative healing methods - with some bloody disastrous results. I can laugh about some of it now - but yes I was desperate.

Suffice to say last week it came to head - in that the death of my closest friend Ahu finally hit home and I began to grieve - it was 2 months yesterday and I finally cleared out his place then too.

I have 13 years 4 months sobriety and I nearly drank Thursday nite. Usually alkies will drink over a busted relationship - I wondered what it would take for me to even think seriously about taking a drink - well I found out. It was as if all those years of trying to change myself etc were negated and meant nothing. I was in the mindset I needn't have bothered, haven't learnt a fkn thing, still a crock of shit as a person - etc. Long story anyway - normally it would have been water off a duck's back. I made sure I stayed at home - I was telling myself I would go into town to have coffee but I knew where I was really gonna go and I had all the drinks lined up - in my head. In the end I did manage to get someone on the phone.

No amount of meds can take this shit away unfortunately. You have to work through it - but christ a break would be good - just so I can build myself up and recover from the other shit. To this end it is fuck everything and ride. Packing up my tent and airbed and just go. I will take it easy, cos the health aint perfect - but what it will do for me mentally, is to rejevunate, re-assess, enjoy nature and friends, and push myself physically to get better. This was by no means my idea - I had to ask for solutions from a friend - cos my brain was fried. I so need time out. Don't know how I'm gonna do it all but it will get done and I plan to be outta here in 2 weeks.

[Mom]

Packing up my tent and airbed and just go. I will take it easy, cos the health aint perfect - but what it will do for me mentally, is to rejevunate, re-assess, enjoy nature and friends, and push myself physically to get better.

You wont need the tent or the airbed if you get as far north as us love. Be safe on your travels, stop in here if you want to.

Congratulations on your continuing sobriety! One day at a time love is all you have to do.


:love: Anne

[Edbear]

You wont need the tent or the airbed if you get as far north as us love. Be safe on your travels, stop in here if you want to.

Congratulations on your continuing sobriety! One day at a time love is all you have to do.


:love: Anne

Hear, hear! Recomended!

My sentiments the same... You can PM me anytime...

[vifferman]

I hope things get better for you - they sound pretty desperate, but from the sound of it you're obviously a lot stronger than you think you are. You've been through a lot, and it's understandable that you feel bad, so just go easy on yourself.
And remember - you're not alone. There's always someone here for you.

[Winston001]

And remember - you're not alone. There's always someone here for you.

Ditto, well said.

[MyGSXF]

I so need time out

Good on you for recognizing it & making plans towards achieving it Shirl!! :2thumbsup

Taking time out for ourselves is the most important thing we can do for ourselves.. in my opinion! We do some much for other people, but we have to take care of ourselves too! I crashed a while ago.. exactly as you said.. shit was happening from every which way & for sooo long, & I just did not have a chance to try and get up - there was no energy left to fight. I thought the same thoughts.. christ a break would be good - just so I can build myself up and recover from the other shit.. so I can deal with the next load of shit!! :crazy:

You've had a hell of a few months looking after your friend Shirl.. & he was blessed to have you there! You were a true friend right to the very end.. Ahu was a lucky man!

So now take some quiet time out for yourself, to rest, meditate & contemplate! Spend time near water.. lakes, river or ocean to recharge your batteries!

Ride your bike to refill your soul & above all, be gentle with yourself.. please don't push too hard physically.. emotional repair is exhausting on the body! :yawn:

You have made some awesome choices.. (ie: not to have a drink) which shows your amazing strength.. hang onto that, you are stronger than you think you are!

Make use of the people here who support you.. they are gems! You are not alone Shirl! If you end up in the South.. give me a bell, there's always a bed here!

Take Care hun

Jen :hug:

[yungatart]

Shirl, you are an amazinglady, so strong and so caring. Good luck on your journey to find you again.
Always a bed here for you, but you know that anyway.
Much love and aroha :hug:

[Finn]

i'm depressed ........

Snap out of it.

[WolfCollared]

Winter - always brings out the sad :whistle:

[vifferman]

Winter - always brings out the sad :whistle:
That's S.A.D.

[WolfCollared]

That's S.A.D.

Stupid Auckland Drivers???:crazy:

[vifferman]

Stupid Auckland Drivers???:crazy:
Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Caused by insufficient Ultra Violence (i.e., "Snap out of that mood, or I'll give you a sound thrashing!")

[Hitcher]

Ultra Violence

Weren't they an early 80s crossover punk/glam rock band?

[buellbabe]

hahahahahaha

That was Ultravox (yeah yeah I know you knew that!)

Anyway I just thought I would check in and say that after reaching an all-time low (even lower than when my man died) last year I am now back in the game and life is good, infact its better than just good, its pretty bloody great.

Sure its not perfect but making it thru the crapola of 2008 made me a stronger person and for the first time in years I really feel like I have got my poos together. Its a good feeling.

So I hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel for others cos believe me life really is worth LIVING!

[vifferman]

I am now back in the game and life is good
That's great, Babe! :niceone:
Especially that you're back in the game, and not back on the game. :confused:
Me? I'm still suboptimal (i.e., fukt) but I've learned to deal with it. Whenever my brain's really bad, I just take a very small amount of summat to mess with the serotonin, have a bit of UP and down, and I'm semi-suboptimal again.
The worst thing is not being able to think stuff through properly, and not having much motivation. I'm OK once I've started something, it's just getting started that's the problem.

[buellbabe]

That getting started thing can be so hard. I can relate to that. Its taken me a long time to realise that I can't be happy if I have 'unfinished business' in my life or if I keep putting off doing things I don't really want to do but know I need to do...
As a Pisces I have long lived my life by the motto "why do it today if you can put it off till tomorrow"...LOL

Anyways that was just causing stress and guilt so I now play this game with myself...no! not that kinda game!
Basically I promise myself rewards. Simple really...I know there is something I need to do but its a bit of a grind and I really can't get motivated to do it...hmmm I think to myself...I'd rather just go for a ride...so now when I'm in that situation I give myself a stern talking to and tell myself to EARN it.
Do the sucky job and then reward myself with a ride with friends or a few glasses of wine or a meal out or whatever... but NOT till I've done the task I have been putting off.

[RiderInBlack]

SAD is serous problem. My ex had it big time. The decrease in light causes a decrease in serotonin (too much makes ya Manic, too little depresses ya). Staying in side during Winter does not help. Find reasons to be outside during Winter and ya will have less SAD's. I have find fun things to do outside in Winter for me, so I no longer dread Winter. Therefore I don't sit in side as much. Therefore I don't have as much as a lowering in serotonin. Therefore SAD's does not effect me as bad during Winter. In saying this, I can still be depressed, but it has less to do with the time of the year.

[Finn]

Weren't they an early 80s crossover punk/glam rock band?

Oh Vienna!

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thanks Buellbabe for posting how much better it is for you. Even tho I'm not at that state it is good things get better for some people. I have been down the South Island and it had many challenges - however I guess my biggest downer was that I am not as well physically as I thought or want to be - the mind was willing the body didn't want to know lol. I came back for a scan that was tomorrow - to find they had postponed it, which fucks up my future plans - so they have gone down the gurgler for a while, trouble is it will upset other peoples plans as well. I just seem to be on a permanent low. Constantly banging myself against the brick wall - trying new and different ways etc but the result is the same shit. Anyway I go to the Doc tomorrow - so the poor bugger is going to get an earful. I'm past talking about this shit - sick to death of it - just as well I don't have a home at present - I would hibernate and hide under the blankets lol. Just totally fed up. Yes I certainly need to go somewhere where there is lots of sun and warmth - the South Island sure as hell doesn't have that.

[buellbabe]

Well I guess I hoped that my journey might help others see that the future can be brighter but I fully realise that everyones situation is different. BMW, I'm sorry to hear that you are being mucked around...and yep, I know that head against the brick wall feeling :brick:

The S.A.D. thing...jeez at the moment I find it hard to stay awake past 8.30 at night...my body clock is definately still in the adjustment stage...my brain is saying "its dark, time to curl up and go sleepybyes" LOL.

Last night a friend said that she might as well put her bike in storage cos its winter. My reaction was "why? its not like we live in the deep south...this is Auckland!!!! We can ride all year round. Just bite the bullet and invest in some decent winter riding gear...".

Being able to ride daily and also get outside with my dogs is a blessing.

[Indiana_Jones]

hmmmmmmmmm

-Indy

[diversion]

looking for hope and even a friend . i cry in the dark my heart bleeds. feeling like the whole world has left me behind. i crawl into bed and cover my head Wishing i would die in my sleep and awake and be dead. sometimes it too hard to get a handle on life. becoming scared when i realise im to tired to fight

[Nagash]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do,

Due to a a fair bit of depression in my family history and a number of events i've been diagnosed with clinical depression a few months ago.

I'm having quite a bit of difficulty with this one because it's affecting me in a way not even the psych's can fully explain.

I'm not suicidal in the least, never had a suicidal thought and all in all I enjoy life.

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.

It's been described to me that i've lost so much motivation, that I'm not even bothering to take in my surroundings and that i'm just drifting through life and not registering what's going on, hence why I can't remember it. I personally disagree with this... but they're the smart ones in this sort of thing, not me.

All i've been told at this point is to keep a daily journal of my life (always an interesting read, even if i've read it before) and to stop being so stressed so that I can relax when i'm asleep. This advice was given to me 4 months ago... shall have to go back again and tell them it's not working.


Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

[hospitalfood]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do,

Due to a a fair bit of depression in my family history and a number of events i've been diagnosed with clinical depression a few months ago.

I'm having quite a bit of difficulty with this one because it's affecting me in a way not even the psych's can fully explain.

I'm not suicidal in the least, never had a suicidal thought and all in all I enjoy life.

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.

It's been described to me that i've lost so much motivation, that I'm not even bothering to take in my surroundings and that i'm just drifting through life and not registering what's going on, hence why I can't remember it. I personally disagree with this... but they're the smart ones in this sort of thing, not me.

All i've been told at this point is to keep a daily journal of my life (always an interesting read, even if i've read it before) and to stop being so stressed so that I can relax when i'm asleep. This advice was given to me 4 months ago... shall have to go back again and tell them it's not working.


Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

it is always hard to know on this site but you seem serious......
i have not experienced what you have.
i think you can change the way you interact with life through force of will and practice, and this is a better option than taking pills.
just decide how you want things to change and work towards that, don't give yourself a hard time if it does not work straight away or you don't hit your goals. be gentle with yourself but keep at it. things will improve.

[vifferman]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do
Yes, to some extent (although I do also suffer from time to time with the negative/suicidal bit as well). However, it's the forgetting things, finding it hard to think, and lack of motivation that bugs me the most (especially the latter). So much so, that I made an appointment to see my doctor about it. He said I was just getting old.
But I don't believe that's the whole story - it's almost like I've had a brain transplant. I look at some of the things I've done in the past (like work around the house), and I can't believe it was me that did it. I can't relate to the person that I was. My wife doesn't understand - she thinks I'm lazy, I suspect. So, I revert to doing things by habit, and anything new seems too hard. In my job, my work is largely substandard, and I get stuff all done. It just seems all too hard.
I make lots of mistakes too - errors of judgement, dumb mistakes, etc. That's a big piss off too.

[rosie631]

looking for hope and even a friend . i cry in the dark my heart bleeds. feeling like the whole world has left me behind. i crawl into bed and cover my head Wishing i would die in my sleep and awake and be dead. sometimes it too hard to get a handle on life. becoming scared when i realise im to tired to fight

If this is really how you are feeling, you need to reach out for help and fast. Talk to friends or better yet get yourself along to your GP. I have been there before and it is very easy to do something rash, and that could be something you may not live to regret. Things can and will get better but you need help to keep yourself safe now. PM me if you want to talk.

[Winston001]

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.....

Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

Ok the lack of motivation is normal when you are depressed. In simple terms this illness can be either situational/reactive or chronic.

The first is a reaction to some traumatic event in your life and the prognosis is generally good. You can recover. Chronic depression by contrast lasts a long time and needs long-term strategies.

I can't say memory loss is something I've read about as a specific symptom but it makes sense. If you have no motivation, no vitality, no interest in life moment to moment, your brain isn't going to store memories.

If you read this thread - start anywhere - you'll find lots of personal stories and advice. There are no magic answers but even knowing others understand how you feel can make a big difference.

Talking to someone you trust - a counsellor is best, plus exercise, are two strategies which I'd recommend. Nothing wrong with anti-depressants but they are only treat the symptoms.

[Winston001]

So much so, that I made an appointment to see my doctor about it. He said I was just getting old.

The bastard. I hate that. :D



But I don't believe that's the whole story - it's almost like I've had a brain transplant. I look at some of the things I've done in the past (like work around the house), and I can't believe it was me that did it. I can't relate to the person that I was. My wife doesn't understand - she thinks I'm lazy, I suspect.
.

Boy can I relate to that. Its weird and very frustrating to have your vitality drain away especially if you used to be full of energy. I feel for you that your wife doesn't understand but you can see her perspective.

The loss of interest and activity is subtle and occurs over years so there is no sudden change for those close to you to see. The lazy/old age explanation is the easiest. Fight that Viff, don't let the bastards grind you down. Talk to your wife, it won't be easy and might take a few conversations, but explain it in terms of your own frustration and loss of energy.

In my case I've found a physiological cause. My heart has dropped a valve and needs a new shims. :D

[YellowDog]

If this is really how you are feeling, you need to reach out for help and fast. Talk to friends or better yet get yourself along to your GP. I have been there before and it is very easy to do something rash, and that could be something you may not live to regret. Things can and will get better but you need help to keep yourself safe now. PM me if you want to talk.
I think you'll find that the post was a quote from a poem.

At least I hope it was?

[vifferman]

The loss of interest and activity is subtle and occurs over years so there is no sudden change for those close to you to see.
Well, y'see that was the thing: it seemed to happen relatively rapidly, which was what was so alarming to me. I even questioned the doctor about whether it could be due to too many years on antidepressants bugring up my brain (one of the ones I was on was a toxic dose!) and he said not. He sent me for the full battery of blood tests though.

Yeah, I did talk to me wife, to try to relieve some of the frustration she seemed to have with me. I don't think it was entirely successful, especially since she seems to think I "have plenty of motivation for motorcycles". Maybe that's why in the last couple of years, I've had a total of three (3!) non-communtering rides, two of which were shortish, and for the purpose of setting up my suspension. The other was maybe 5 hours in total, and was more'n 6 months ago.

[YellowDog]

Well I guess I hoped that my journey might help others see that the future can be brighter but I fully realise that everyones situation is different. BMW, I'm sorry to hear that you are being mucked around...and yep, I know that head against the brick wall feeling :brick:

The S.A.D. thing...jeez at the moment I find it hard to stay awake past 8.30 at night...my body clock is definately still in the adjustment stage...my brain is saying "its dark, time to curl up and go sleepybyes" LOL.

Last night a friend said that she might as well put her bike in storage cos its winter. My reaction was "why? its not like we live in the deep south...this is Auckland!!!! We can ride all year round. Just bite the bullet and invest in some decent winter riding gear...".

Being able to ride daily and also get outside with my dogs is a blessing.
I also bought a SAD light box years ago, as I was living in the UK and in the winters it was getting quite dark from ariound 3pm.

Before I got it, I used to be late for everything in my life. Now I am more positive and never late.

I have used a SAD alarm clock for about 5 years now. I always awake about 5 minutes before the alarm goes off.

Would highly recommend SAD lights as a way to help.

[rosie631]

I think you'll find that the post was a quote from a poem.

At least I hope it was?

Oh, ok. Well, yeah, I hope it was too.

[Kittyhawk]

How is everyone - just checking in - then out?? :no:

Cant work
Cant ride
No fun in a cage

Ive taken up study, reading biker mags, and trying to be productive with my recovery time.

Ya get the up and down days, but keep plodding along, such is life.

[Hard Nut]

I have seen some popular threads before but this one has reason for concern.

Lots of people suffering some form of depression out there me included.

Nuts

[Blackshear]

I have seen some popular threads before but this one has reason for concern.

Lots of people suffering some form of depression out there me included.

Nuts

Somewhere to let out a bit of the bottled thoughts/repression.
Somewhere to reach out I guess. :hug:

[diversion]

Somewhere to let out a bit of the bottled thoughts/repression.
Somewhere to reach out I guess. :hug:

when ya dont know where else to go

[Kittyhawk]

Since I have started this thread Im surprised it is still going, a number of you have contacted me and had a chat about things. It's good to meet others and make friends etc.

Im no professional

currently an antisocial tart

and a non biker for a little bit longer - sighs...

I have made some good friends thanks to this thread hopefully life long ones at that even though I have been inconsistant in regards to keeping contact, however Im still around....

Im going to start a regular e mail thing call it spam if you want :lol:

If you would like to be on the mailing list please pm me.

[Cheshire Cat]

The best thing to do, I find( although I'm far from deppressed:wacko: ) is accept everything as it is.You won't be sad or lonely or depressed all your life.Have a cry have a scream! do whatever you need to unless its hurting yourself or anyone else.

Go crazy!!:wacko::banana::hug::yes::no::jerry::scratc h:

[Mystic13]

I've just found this thread and the memory loss is pretty common and looking back people comment of having long periods of not knowing what they were doing.

I'm an NLP Master Practitoner based here in Auckland and work with what is termed "talking therapies" or "advanced cognitive behavioral therapies". I was at the recent Mental Health Forum and will be running talks around Auckland on Mental Health Awareness Week starting October 5th specifically around the effectiveness of Neuro Linguistics in creating change.

With client referrals I generally discourage them hopping off medication quickly although many do. The structure of my work is such that I don't tend to work with clients for many sessions. While I have done a small amount of work through WINZ and the DHB most of my work is private.

We're spending more and more time talking with the Health Professionals because of the rate of success we have.

If any of you are in the medical field feel free to PM. Actually if any of you want to talk, PM me, and i'll send my details through. The challenge with Mental Health issues is that often people look okay. Someone commented that it would be easier for others to understand if you wandered around with a bandage wrapped around your head.

I know how overwhelmingly bleak and foggy it can be. It's also challenging for others around often to comprehend. There is a wealth of info around now. Family support is wonderful.

I'm planning to produce a DVD from past clients because often people struggle to comprehend how I can make rapid changes when for years they've had a reliable experience of depression. The truth is even my clients struggle to understand what has happened even though it's happened to them. This DVD would be available for free.

These challenges also effect children and I see children week in and out.

I wish you all well with your journey down the path to Wellness. If you have any questions feel free to PM or ask in here.

Cheers

[Winston001]

The best thing to do, I find (although I'm far from depressed:wacko: ) is accept everything as it is.You won't be sad or lonely or depressed all your life. Have a cry have a scream! do whatever you need to unless its hurting yourself or anyone else.


For situational or seasonal depression, this is true. You will get better and yes, screaming about it, hitting a punchbag, letting your frustration out is good therapy.

However for chronic or deep depression there is no concept of getting better. There is no sense of happiness, self-worth, no future, just the blackness.

That's the awful thing about depression which people do not understand. Its totally overwhelming. If you read this thread you'll find various posts which urge HTFU (harden up) and call depressed people selfish or cowards.

That advice completely misses the point that in severe depression a person has no sense of self left. Emotionally they are a shell. You can't be selfish if you don't care about yourself.

Depression is an illness which requires outside help. Pills to bring neurotransmitters back into balance. Counselling to regain the human connection. Don't try and do it alone.

[Mystic13]

The best thing to do, I find( although I'm far from deppressed:wacko: ) is accept everything as it is.You won't be sad or lonely or depressed all your life.Have a cry have a scream! do whatever you need to unless its hurting yourself or anyone else.

Go crazy!!:wacko::banana::hug::yes::no::jerry::scratc h:

That's true and for chronic depression it's a little different. If you see brain scans you'll see much of the neurology isn't firing. The reality is in this situation it's kind of like they see the world through depression coloured glasses (as opposed to rose coloured). This means everything they see seems darker.

Not only that but this filter also runs on all of their memories. So when you ask them to remember a happy time in the past they will not be able to find one. All recalled memories will be seen through these depression coloured glasses.

So this means you could have been having a laugh with them several hours earlier and when they recall the memory they will not know of being happy.

Winston I use NLP and Linguistics to access the neurology and change the chemical response. As such they work off meds with GP supervision pretty quickly. If they haven't started my preference is not to start because of the side effects and the effects it has on the neurology.

Depression is challenging to work with and it's challenging for those that experience it or insomnia, stress, anxiety, panic attacks etc.

They'll often talk of memory loss, or use words such as overwhelm, dark, fog, bleak, out of control, lost confidence, numbness, lethargic, no ambition, no future, hide, shut doors, hibernate, powerlessness, resignation, negative thoughts, isolated, struggle etc As you collect those words together you start to get a sense of where they're at.

To tell them to;
- accept things as they are (when they are struggling to cope)
- think positively (when this doesn't exist in their accessible neurology at this time)
etc doesn't allow them to deal with the overwhelming nature of the dark space they are in.

(Yes Winston I'll PM you and pop you a DVD)

[Winston001]

They'll often talk of memory loss, or use words such as overwhelm, dark, fog, bleak, out of control, lost confidence, numbness, lethargic, no ambition, no future, hide, shut doors, hibernate, powerlessness, resignation, negative thoughts, isolated, struggle etc.....

A+ post. :2thumbsup You'll find all of those words in this thread.




To tell them to;
- accept things as they are (when they are struggling to cope)
- think positively (when this doesn't exist in their accessible neurology at this time) etc
doesn't allow them to deal with the overwhelming nature of the dark space they are in.



Exactly. Your input is invaluable Mystic. Thankyou.

[Mystic13]

Thanks. I didn't read the thread just jumped to the last page. I'd expect that language to be consistent though.

[Indiana_Jones]

hmmmmmmmmm........



"Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best..."

-Indy

[Conquiztador]

Had a new read of this one as I went in to BMW's profile and realised that her final post was in here.

Would like to know if things have gotten a fraction better for the posters in here?

What has worked, what has not?

And has anyone done the JK test and started his on line programme: http://www.depression.org.nz/content/home?startSelfTest

[Kittyhawk]

Yes no maybe? I think that things take time. Feel far better thesedays than what I did when I first started this thread but its taken a bloody long time. Had a couple of life changing events which I suppose really put the mind to the test.

[duckonin]

Yes no maybe? I think that things take time. Feel far better thesedays than what I did when I first started this thread but its taken a bloody long time. Had a couple of life changing events which I suppose really put the mind to the test.

Stay with it Kitty, you will come good, life can be a real bitch at times, head up and smile, will make u feel good an others around you ..

[Teflon]

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[Kittyhawk]

Stay with it Kitty, you will come good, life can be a real bitch at times, head up and smile, will make u feel good an others around you ..
Just when ya think everything is going well in life, something else gets thrown at ya and it's like wtf just happened. Haven't rode a bike in 2 years 3 months! Not that I'm counting or anything lol....So who else is on here who is here?

[Winston001]

.... Had a couple of life changing events which I suppose really put the mind to the test.

Depression is a weird illness. It is our brains trying to tell us that something is wrong. That wrongness may be a daily thing such as your job but figuring it out can be baffling. I'm certain many many people never find the cause of their depression.

Without going into clinical detail depression is often divided into Situational and Chemical. Situational means the events in life which bring you down emotionally. A relationship breakup or family death are the classics.

Chemical is more insidious and arises because of insufficent neuro-transmitters in the brain. Seretonin and dopamine are the important ones. So pills which keep these in balance help a lot.

[Conquiztador]

We had a thread re dating sites resently. On the one I was on there was a thread re depression, and I was amazed how many of the "regulars" on there admitted to being on prozac or similar medication. And prepared to say so. One would think that by admitting to needing daily medication you would cut down the possiblilities to attract a partner.

But perhaps not. Perhaps depression has become accepted? It affects many, if not most, in a way or another today. If you are not suffering from depression your self then it is almost certain that you know someone who does. As I am sure we have in this thread already mentioned, JK has done wonders re bringing depression out in the daylight. I wonder how many people he has saved unknowing? If I was asked to pick the next Sir in NZ he would get my vote.

[Quasi]

We had a thread re dating sites resently. On the one I was on there was a thread re depression, and I was amazed how many of the "regulars" on there admitted to being on prozac or similar medication. And prepared to say so. One would think that by admitting to needing daily medication you would cut down the possiblilities to attract a partner.

But perhaps not. Perhaps depression has become accepted? It affects many, if not most, in a way or another today. If you are not suffering from depression your self then it is almost certain that you know someone who does. As I am sure we have in this thread already mentioned, JK has done wonders re bringing depression out in the daylight. I wonder how many people he has saved unknowing? If I was asked to pick the next Sir in NZ he would get my vote.

Depression is recognised and is accepted. It is a serious medical condition affecting one in five of us. thank god its out in the open - think of the lives that are being saved.

Its great that even a place such as KB, with its staunch and macho members, is aware of and accepting of this insidious condition. the more we can all talk about it, the easier it is too deal with.

[bones135]

Well i spose the first step is admitting. I am currently going through a bad spell, work etc. I feel majorly depressed pretty much all the time. Things start to get on top & the more you try to get over them the worse they seem to get. Wont go into details but....it sux bigtime.

[jim.cox]

J Haven't rode a bike in 2 years 3 months!

well it is no wonder you're depressed...

[imdying]

Well i spose the first step is admitting. I am currently going through a bad spell, work etc. I feel majorly depressed pretty much all the time. Things start to get on top & the more you try to get over them the worse they seem to get. Wont go into details but....it sux bigtime.Is that even possible with an 08 blade???! First gear, whooop, up she goes :D :first:

[bones135]

Is that even possible with an 08 blade???! First gear, whooop, up she goes :D :first:
LOL yea well its the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Clears the cobwebs bigtime

[SMOKEU]

Is this going to turn into a 1X thread?

[Winston001]

Is this going to turn into a 1X thread?

Don't think so. This is the longest running thread on KB with the most number of views. A lot of people read it even if they don't post. If the shared thoughts help someone, its been well worth while. I can say that plenty of private messages follow from here.

[kevfromcoro]

Well.. depresion,, a lot of people have never experianced it of even know what it is.
Something strange has happened to me over the last 3 weeks,, and would appreiate coments.
i returned from Australia about 8 weeks ago,, to find i had a busted foot.. plaster for 8 weeks... shit ,,, what am i going to do.....
i live in a comfy hut on the thames coast.. the only thing about it,, its cold....
well lets rip it to bits and warm it up a bit...ok. down come 3 walls.. couple of bales of batts.. re gib it.. better allready...
up to the last wall.... tear all the lining off..eww.. rats nests....
i got some disinfectanct.. and cleaned eveything...
a few days later i was far from ok.... sort of like half pissed.. but i wasnt..
went up to the shop ,, and dong smacked straight into a tree,,, HTF did i do that??
something was wrong. very wrong. next morning i i went and saw my GP.
he took one look at me,, and straight to Thames hospital...
tests.. i have had more tests than you poke a stick at. needles all the way up both arms. over to Hams.. more tests..
all came back neg....had the Dr scratching his nut......a couple of nights ago i got up and went to the dunny.. which was about 6 steps away.i got back and sat on the bed.. i couldnt breath...i was sort of shit scared... here was a bloke that a week ago could walk to Paeroa and back.. and now i cant even walk to the dunny.................depressed.. no. not really....just pissed off i had been short changed in my life.. i still had lots to do..sometimes a person has to much time to think. a few times i had to sit down and have a talk to myself to stop myself going mad.over the next few days i spent a lot of time with the Dr... nothing was showing up.....the only thing was the rats... i may have been subject to some nasty shit from the rats. there is a diasese called lepro sporosus.. which is caught from rats, cows, and pigs... the test came back neg......i have had a few goog kickings in my life but nothing like this...iam out of hospital now. still a bit crook. but none the wiser. the Dr has made me do a follow up on the rat disese...
Has anyone had any experiance with this diasese?
i would enjoy your coments.
juat a quick coment on depresion.....
one night i sat there alone trying to find my breathe.. fuck it.. i going to jump out the window.
i walked over and looked out... i was on the 1st floor and the ground was only about 2 ft away
i walked back,, sat on the bed.. had a we chuckle,, and that was the end of that.
Regards to all

KEV

[Teflon]

http://www.newzealandgirls.co.nz/

[angelindisguise]

is PMS a part of depression??

[bones135]

Is for her partner yea :yes:

[duckonin]

Kev a mate of mine caught Lepto from cow piss shit he was sick as, started off aa a plump chap but went to bones after three months he still is crook...

[martybabe]

Well.. depresion,, a lot of people have never experianced it of even know what it is.
Something strange has happened to me over the last 3 weeks,, and would appreiate coments.
i returned from Australia about 8 weeks ago,, to find i had a busted foot.. plaster for 8 weeks... shit ,,, what am i going to do.....
i live in a comfy hut on the thames coast.. the only thing about it,, its cold....
well lets rip it to bits and warm it up a bit...ok. down come 3 walls.. couple of bales of batts.. re gib it.. better allready...
up to the last wall.... tear all the lining off..eww.. rats nests....
i got some disinfectanct.. and cleaned eveything...
a few days later i was far from ok.... sort of like half pissed.. but i wasnt..
went up to the shop ,, and dong smacked straight into a tree,,, HTF did i do that??
something was wrong. very wrong. next morning i i went and saw my GP.
he took one look at me,, and straight to Thames hospital...
tests.. i have had more tests than you poke a stick at. needles all the way up both arms. over to Hams.. more tests..
all came back neg....had the Dr scratching his nut......a couple of nights ago i got up and went to the dunny.. which was about 6 steps away.i got back and sat on the bed.. i couldnt breath...i was sort of shit scared... here was a bloke that a week ago could walk to Paeroa and back.. and now i cant even walk to the dunny.................depressed.. no. not really....just pissed off i had been short changed in my life.. i still had lots to do..sometimes a person has to much time to think. a few times i had to sit down and have a talk to myself to stop myself going mad.over the next few days i spent a lot of time with the Dr... nothing was showing up.....the only thing was the rats... i may have been subject to some nasty shit from the rats. there is a diasese called lepro sporosus.. which is caught from rats, cows, and pigs... the test came back neg......i have had a few goog kickings in my life but nothing like this...iam out of hospital now. still a bit crook. but none the wiser. the Dr has made me do a follow up on the rat disese...
Has anyone had any experiance with this diasese?
i would enjoy your coments.
juat a quick coment on depresion.....
one night i sat there alone trying to find my breathe.. fuck it.. i going to jump out the window.
i walked over and looked out... i was on the 1st floor and the ground was only about 2 ft away
i walked back,, sat on the bed.. had a we chuckle,, and that was the end of that.
Regards to all

KEV

Man that's tuff, can't offer much help on the mystery disease unless you've got a possible reaction between the rat pee ammonia and the disinfectant ? a mild form of chemical poisoning? a pure guess based on some mysterious reaction I had to a mix of chemicals once upon a time. Anyway, hope you pick up soon dude, nice touch of humour at the end of your tale :) all the best.

[Kickaha]

This is the longest running thread on KB with the most number of views.

It isn't even close to being that (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/3026-Religious-ravings)

[Edbear]

It isn't even close to being that (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/3026-Religious-ravings)

I wonder if it'll start up again...

[Winston001]

It isn't even close to being that (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/3026-Religious-ravings)

Aw crikey cooze, fair suck o' the sav. You can't bring the Scottish Thread into this ethereal haven. Hell it isn't even rational. :shit:

[RiderInBlack]

Aw crikey cooze, fair suck o' the sav. You can't bring the Scottish Thread into this ethereal haven. Hell it isn't even rational. :shit:Aye and depressing ta think it even existed.

[Kittyhawk]

Anyone up to anything new lately?

[Dean]

miss my big brother so much about 2months has passed now. Going to put some plastic flower thingys that light up different colours at night, I know he likes red because red always go fast.....

[kevfromcoro]

Man that's tuff, can't offer much help on the mystery disease unless you've got a possible reaction between the rat pee ammonia and the disinfectant ? a mild form of chemical poisoning? a pure guess based on some mysterious reaction I had to a mix of chemicals once upon a time. Anyway, hope you pick up soon dude, nice touch of humour at the end of your tale :) all the best.

Finally i got a positive test back.
It was acute Q fever... similar to ross river virus.. google it.
Sat in on my arse since june.......
Still not 100% right.
Anyone travelling in ozz. should be awear of it....
Its no fun.

[Blackshear]

Anyone up to anything new lately?

If no longer cutting for emotional reasons counts, then I guess that's something I can add to this thread.


Instead I do it because I haven't for awhile and has now become routine, I get incredibly anxious after a couple of weeks and go a little nutty.

On a plus side, I've been a bit more outgoing than usual.

[Mudfart]

Since I have been going to the gym, everything is much better, I read that if you dont burn off adrenaline, (like in a gym), then it turns into non adrenaline and the non adrenaline feeds the hormones that increase the feeling of depression.
So basically, get off your arse and enjoy life, coz you wont be doing it again.(maybe). find something you have always wanted to try and just go for it.
acting will sap your adrenaline, coz you will shit your pants when the curtain goes up, surfing burns heaps of adrenaline. try jumping out of a plane.
this year i did a bungee, and i used to shit myself standing on a chair to change a lightbulb.
try kickboxing, whatever fluffs your nuts. stay busy, stop procrastinating, goto the event you remember is on today, no excuses. get a friend to come, they will support you.

[Kittyhawk]

Finally i got a positive test back.
It was acute Q fever... similar to ross river virus.. google it.
Sat in on my arse since june.......
Still not 100% right.
Anyone travelling in ozz. should be awear of it....
Its no fun.

Welcome to the arse club, please ensure your chair has the correct arse groove :innocent:
Sorry to hear you aren't well, hope you get better soon. What is a daily routine for you?


If no longer cutting for emotional reasons counts, then I guess that's something I can add to this thread.
Instead I do it because I haven't for awhile and has now become routine, I get incredibly anxious after a couple of weeks and go a little nutty.
On a plus side, I've been a bit more outgoing than usual.

Outgoing is always good. Alcohol is a great contributor to such a thing....as for the cutting, we talking self harm for a distraction from emotional pain?, its very easy to get addicted to that and have it as a routine, but its something which will long term do more harm than good.

[Blackshear]

Outgoing is always good. Alcohol is a great contributor to such a thing....as for the cutting, we talking self harm for a distraction from emotional pain?, its very easy to get addicted to that and have it as a routine, but its something which will long term do more harm than good.

I've actually cut out as much alcohol as I could, nothing brought a mood swing quicker than that. That's a +1.
I've also cut out energy drinks entirely, save for friday nights as a replacement for alcohol. Another +1.

Hasn't really helped. My arm used to be an outlet for some things, but now I get rather emotional when I try telling myself I don't need that outlet. The longer I try to stave it off, the worse the outcome seems to be when it does happen. Sometimes I can get physically sick or lose a night of sleep over it.

I dunno. Thanks for your input, regardless.

[sinfull]

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[nodrog]

Its abit quiet in here, I hope all you mad cunts are still on your meds?

[avgas]

Its abit quiet in here, I hope all you mad cunts are still on your meds?
hahaha now I wish I hadn't reminded you......

[nodrog]

hahaha now I wish I hadn't reminded you......

Cuddle? :sunny:

[Maha]

I think Katman needs one right about now.:facepalm:

[Edbear]

Drugs are Goooodddd!!!! :sunny:

[Number One]

Its abit quiet in here, I hope all you mad cunts are still on your meds?

Best dredge comment evaaaaaaaa

:lol:

and the answer to your question is OF COURSE!

[Blackshear]

Best dredge comment evaaaaaaaa

:lol:

and the answer to your question is OF COURSE!

What is Seroquel?

Says wash it down with bourbon, says me :drinkup:

[Winston001]

Faarrgghh Blackshear, don't mix Seroquel with alcohol. You''ll be far gone and for quite a while. :gob:





Hmmm...wonder if that works ;)

[Blackshear]

Faarrgghh Blackshear, don't mix Seroquel with alcohol. You''ll be far gone and for quite a while. :gob:





Hmmm...wonder if that works ;)

I have work tomorrow, so 2 mudshakes should be plenty.

Perhaps on Friday...

[Mom]

Its abit quiet in here, I hope all you mad cunts are still on your meds?

I am considering stopping mine, the side effects are too much to take :violin:



Drugs are Goooodddd!!!! :sunny:

You back on the Ketamine EddyB?

[Edbear]

I am considering stopping mine, the side effects are too much to take :violin:

You back on the Ketamine EddyB?

Nooo... :bye: What I'm on does make for some funny dreams, though... :blink:

Recommend trying something else rather than stopping as quitting doesn't usually help. We all react differently to different meds and it's a trial and error process to settle on what works for you. I usually take about two to three weeks to get used to a drug.

I'm on 6 different meds plus painkillers for various issues. Three of them just for blood-pressure.

[Mom]

Nooo... :bye: What I'm on does make for some funny dreams, though... :blink:

Shame, you are really funny on Ketamine :dodge:


Three of them just for blood-pressure.

Geeze Louise, I am on one for that, last time I tried 2 it nearly killed me :yes:

[Edbear]

Shame, you are really funny on Ketamine :dodge:

Geeze Louise, I am on one for that, last time I tried 2 it nearly killed me :yes:

LOL!!! I was, wasn't I? The Wife and kids didn't know whether to laugh or cry while I was in critical. I was a hairs-breadth away from death and cracking everyone up!

Yeah, I think the number of meds is one reason it's harder to get back to fitness again. It took three different meds to bring it down and I could have died anytime just due to that.

[Blackshear]

Pills are shit, make me wake up a hundred times every night and are seriously made of anti-caffeine. If anything, they just make it worse. Good way to start your morning by waking up 5 minutes before your alarm.
Makes getting into the habit of running after work very fucking hard.
I give up.

What next? I'm not sure my marrow can keep up with this regeneration.
Not that I'm honestly expecting any answers.

Bacon, chicken and mozzarella tortellinis with homemade carbonara and parmesan cheese is great, btw.

[Winston001]

Pills which stimulate you must be a tough call. They are probably doing what they are meant to but good sleep is primary for your health. Can the medication be tweaked so you get better rest?

[unstuck]

Still have small bouts off depression every now and then,maybe 4/5 hrs tops,never think of topping myself anymore.Depression used to stay with me for weeks and sometimes months,tried meds ,didnt seem to help.Now life is fuckin awesome and its just getting better.The biggest thing that helped me was reading somewhere that depressing thoughts make you feel depressed and happy thoughts make you feel happy. Worked for me.:yes:

[scissorhands]

Ask your doctor if getting your ass up off the sofa is good for you.

[vifferman]

If your meds are keeping you from sleeping, go back to the doctor and get a new prescription. keep doing that until you get one that works for you.
The last thing I was on (can't remember what the name was) kept me awake all night, so I stopped it, and I've been on Mirtazapine for a long time now - has the opposite effect and helps me to get to sleep. Only problem for a while is they made me want to eat all the time (not hungry, just want to eat), so I put on some weight. (They actually use them to treat anorexics and the like.) Now I'm used to them they're fine, no other unwanted side-effects, and all the exercise I got in conjunction with physio for my wrecked shoulder helped lose the weight, get me fitter (well... less unfit), and also helped my mood no end. (But not as much as being on holiday for four and a half weeks; now that I'm back at work again with fuck all to do, I'm finding it hard not to get bummed out).

[Kittyhawk]

Hello! this thread is still going? crumbs its been a while....how is everyone doing?

hugs to all :love:

[Edbear]

Me is fine! Howzoo? :sunny:

[jonbuoy]

Maybe they need to HTFU - spoilt western kids have nothing to be depressed about.

[Virago]

Depression is the one of the most common disease of the running age and most of the young generation is depressed due to some of the reason's wise like study, job, home issues and many more.... Tension is also the same kind of the disease and have effect on the health and mental health....

I'd be depressed if I was a low-life spammer living in Pakistan too...

[rachprice]

Maybe they need to HTFU - spoilt western kids have nothing to be depressed about.

Spoilt?

You're in Majorca!!!

Who is the spoilt one :yes:

[jonbuoy]

Spoilt?

You're in Majorca!!!

Who is the spoilt one :yes:

I work I´m not a millionaire. FWIW a lot of people here without jobs/ long term illnesses really struggle, there is almost no benefit/backup system in Spain.

[rachprice]

I work I´m not a millionaire. FWIW a lot of people here without jobs/ long term illnesses really struggle, there is almost no benefit/backup system in Spain.

Dude I get it, it was just trying a light-hearted jab

I was in Spain last year and loved it, it's beautiful. But yeah like many places a lot of people struggle!

And I have no idea what fwiw means

[Edbear]

Dude I get it, it was just trying a light-hearted jab

I was in Spain last year and loved it, it's beautiful. But yeah like many places a lot of people struggle!

And I have no idea what fwiw means

For what it's worth...

[Blackshear]

Not too bad.
Last three weeks I've had a fever, got a final warning for absenteeism, naffed my TL and somebody ate my sorbet that I replaced because it melted. That sorbet, man.

Pun unintended, can't seem to cut my habit though. Kinda annoying.

My feet are cold, zeeze socks, zey do nussing!

[jonbuoy]

Dude I get it, it was just trying a light-hearted jab

I was in Spain last year and loved it, it's beautiful. But yeah like many places a lot of people struggle!

And I have no idea what fwiw means

Ah I get you now.. :Oops:

[Kittyhawk]

Dont know which is worse beating the depression or living with chronic pain! Trying to HTFU and beat this now. Life will always throw challenges:bleh:

Have to say going to the gym daily is the best! Always feel like Im on top of the world when I finish a session. Try to go twice a day :apumpin:

[nzspokes]

Great thread. I was there a while back. Bad shit. On drugs for a bit. :no:

I got rid (mainly) of my problem and lots betterer now. :eek:

[Grasshopperus]

And you know what else helps nzspokes? SASS - riding with good folk. That's right. I'm stalking you.

[nzspokes]

And you know what else helps nzspokes? SASS - riding with good folk. That's right. I'm stalking you.

Ive replied on the SASS thread. Yes I will try to come unless its bucketing down.

[scissorhands]

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with a assholes” ― William Gibson

[nzspokes]

Good site for those that need it

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/index.cfm

[vifferman]

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with a assholes” ― William Gibson
Phark! :shit:
That's it - I'm quitting my job immediately, if not soonerer! :facepalm:

[allycatz]

My flattie hasn't come out of his room for three days and hes started pissing out the bedroom window....do you think hes depressed?

[bluninja]

My flattie hasn't come out of his room for three days and hes started pissing out the bedroom window....do you think hes depressed?
Maybe just unlock the door and ask him :)

[Blackshear]

2 months and 3 days without incident, new record over 6 years :woohoo:
I think it's safe to celebrate with vodka :yes:

[nzspokes]

My flattie hasn't come out of his room for three days and hes started pissing out the bedroom window....do you think hes depressed?

If your not joking then he needs help. Contact his family if you know them.