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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #376
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    Quote Originally Posted by MSTRS View Post
    Go on. You know you want to...
    Put 'em in the 'offensive jokes thread' tho.
    I've had my hand slapped...
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  2. #377
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    I feel sorry for the McCanns.

    Maddie being The Stig was their last hope.
    Quote Originally Posted by Love my Bonnie View Post
    So not funny!!
    I laughed ... took a moment to get it ... but I laughed ...
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  3. #378
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    Quote Originally Posted by Love my Bonnie View Post
    So not funny!!
    Yeah it was.
    Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
    One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

  4. #379
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hinny View Post
    Yeah it was.
    na, as a parent I found it to be in bad taste.
    How would you feel if your this was your daughter?

  5. #380
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    My wife has got the dreaded, "Big C".

    It's okay though, her asshole is still nice and tight.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  6. #381
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    My wife has got the dreaded, "Big C".

    It's okay though, her asshole is still nice and tight.
    If her "arsehole" is tight & is a "Big C", that means ya must be Scottish, Dutch or Jewish
    New Zealand......
    The Best Place in the World to live if ya Broke


    "Whole life balance, Daniel-San" ("Karate Kid")

    Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui ( Be strong, be brave, be steadfast and sure)
    DON'T RIDE LIKE YA STOLE IT, RIDE TO SURVIVE.

  7. #382
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    So Paris Hilton thought that the cocaine in her handbag was chewing gum.
    Does anyone have a contact number for her? My mate has a shipment of Juicy Fruit he's needs collecting from South America.





    Sick and tired of your kids crying out for ice cream when the ice cream van plays its tune?

    Simple, just tell them when they play it, it means there is none fucking left!
    (are we allowed to mention ice cream vans yet??)
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  8. #383
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    I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria.

    I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  9. #384
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    A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates... As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

    St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'

    So the zebra went off in search of God.

    When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

    God simply replied 'You are what you are.'

    The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'

    The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''

    St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..'

    The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'

    'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'

    WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  10. #385
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    Quote Originally Posted by Love my Bonnie View Post
    na, as a parent I found it to be in bad taste.
    How would you feel if your this was your daughter?
    If it was my daughter I would be disappointed the Stig had died
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  11. #386
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    My wife has got the dreaded, "Big C".

    It's okay though, her asshole is still nice and tight.
    So ... what you're telling us is that you are drunk ?
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  12. #387
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banditbandit View Post
    So ... what you're telling us is that you are drunk ?
    No, but maybe he got her to do the sniff test for chloroform.
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  13. #388
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banditbandit View Post
    A WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!
    The BBC have announced a new character for Top Gear.

    A mysterious hooded black man will go around stealing fast cars.

    He will be known as "The Nig".
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  14. #389
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    The BBC have announced a new character for Top Gear.

    A mysterious hooded black man will go around stealing fast cars.

    He will be known as "The Nig".
    Pae rawe. I katakata ahau.
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  15. #390
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    A policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford.

    He radios for backup.

    "What's the situation?"

    "A big fat black dude is dancing on a car roof."

    "You can't say that over the radio" replies the operator,

    "You have to use the politically correct terminology"

    "OK" he says "Zulu...Tango....Sierra"
    Fook Yeah!...Me Got DRZ400sm Now!

    & still can't spell for shit!

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