Friday jokes

[MSTRS:Me]

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.

[Maha]

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.

Pity it wont be Equinox, its worth 45 points as a triple word score.

[MSTRS:Me]

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. ...then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"
"Not really," he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

[MIXONE]

You know I'm still kind of pissed off that they never told us how to get to Sesame Street...

[Swoop]

THE FUTURE OF SCOTLAND
If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the Former United Kingdom (F.U.K.).

In a bid to discourage the Scots from voting 'Yes' in the referendum, Unionists have now begun a campaign with the slogan: Please Vote No For FUK's Sake!
About which they feel the Scottish people can relate.
Particularly Glaswegians!

[kevfromcoro]

whats big ,, round an black, and fuks hedgehogs??

a Firestone radial

[Stirts]

I hate it when people say, "You look like you've been dragged through a bush backwards."

I was born via caesarean.

[DMNTD:Me]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk,
a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an
Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an
Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a
Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a
Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan,
an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian,
a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, aHungarian, a Canadian, a
Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an
Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian,
a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a
Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a
Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an
Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,

...Walk into a fine restaurant.



"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group





"You can't come in here without a Thai. "

[wharekura]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman,...

Bloody racist - yet another example of Maori being excluded. Prick.

[DMNTD:Me]

Bloody racist - yet another example of Maori being excluded. Prick.

It did say "...Walk into a fine restaurant " so thought it prudent to keep it realistic.

Te bleh e hoa!

[huff3r]

Bloody racist - yet another example of Maori being excluded. Prick.

It said New Zealander... or are Maori special, and better than the average kiwi?

[Laava]

It said New Zealander... or are Maori special, and better than the average kiwi?

He was joking.

[Maha]

He was joking.

Who was? the Maori?

[_Shrek_]

It said New Zealander... or are Maori special, and better than the average kiwi?

but my mummy always said I was special

[Akzle]

but my mummy always said I was special

she dresses you funny, too.