Why men cheat.

[MsKABC]

Not cheating as such but creating a large family group of varying genetic disposition has it's benefits.

Aaargh! Apostrophe abuse! Call the grammar police!

[jrandom]

nokta nokta nokta, je paye tyai

Heh! Two scents of victory in one day (although it always smells less sweet after lunch).

If you don't have a response, why not simply refrain from posting?

[Edbear]

This is a huge topic which we can only address in bits - great discussion by the way.

Returning to the original question: young men cheat because their hormonal drives are extraordinarily strong. If their fathers or significant role models have cheated, their concept of loyalty and fidelity is weak. They don't really get it.

Young women are similar although women are deeper thinking and place more importance on bonding. Easy girls mistake sex for love. Guys don't.

Older men: there is a view that marriages cannot survive beyond 20 years which was about the length of time in prehistory that would allow you to see grandchildren born, and for you to die. Ancient man/women lived to about 35yrs. Life was short and brutal.

So around that length of marriage things start to unravel. Men unconciously look for a younger child-bearing mate. If you can get through that time without straying then maturity kicks in and you'll stay together for life. However what has been happening lately is older women have gained confidence and decided enough is enough. Some older men can be pretty intolerable and when the chance comes, marriages of even 30 years break up. Usually the men have no understanding of why.

You make an interesing point. Many long-term marraiges are breaking up and not always because of cheating on either's part. Some have allowed themselves to grow apart while raising the kids and fail to find something they can enjoy together now they are "Darby and Joan".

Your point that many men have no idea why the marriage ended is also true at times as they have all along failed to value their wives.

I have been married 31 years, and no, it's not an easy road at times. But we have worked together and learned and tried to apply good principles. Opportunity has presented itself, especially when the relationship was strained, but neither of us saw infidelity as an option. We had made a vow, a promise to be faithful and to honour the marriage.

In my personal opinion, cheating in marriage is inexcusable and shows selfishness and lack of integrity. When you get married, you make a solemn promise, so if you break a promise your integrity goes down the gurgler. Can the person you cheated with depend on you not to do the same again? Have you shown yourself a person of your word?

The fact that deception is involved makes it all the more despicable. If you can't be honest with the one person you loved enough to marry, you can't be honest, period. You lose any claim to integrity, trustworthiness and future fidelity. You have lied to your mate, your family and your friends in most cases.

Yes, marriages can dissolve for a variety of reasons, but whatever the situation or provocation, infidelity is wrong. Call me moralistic, but you cannot deny that the misery it causes crosses the boundaries of personal belief or race, or creed. The distaste for it is universal, and anyone who feels they can justify it is thinking with their dick. (Or the female equivalent).

[Edbear]

PS. Oh by the way, the Missus and I are happier now than ever and wuvs each uvver to pieces...

[ManDownUnder]

Heard and totally respected - but to use your words and enlarge the topic a little...

When you get married, you make a solemn promise, so if you break a promise your integrity goes down the gurgler.

Semantic correction on this one. There's a number of promises made, to have hold, love, honour and obey are usually among them. That's a lot of work - but all worth investing in.

Can the person you cheated with depend on you not to do the same again? Have you shown yourself a person of your word?

Which raises the question of cheating - or more precisely the definition of it. Sex with another? Love of another? Longing for another? Internet pron... etc

A general discussion starter for ten...

[MsKABC]

Heh! Two scents of victory in one day (although it always smells less sweet after lunch).

If you don't have a response, why not simply refrain from posting?

Do you not know what that means? It was a legitimate response as far as I'm concerned, at least as legitimate as the babble of words I was responding to.

You will never have any kind of victory over me. Unless we race on the track, and that's never likely to happen. I don't view this stuff in the same way that you do

[Jantar]

....
The fact that deception is involved makes it all the more despicable. If you can't be honest with the one person you loved enough to marry, you can't be honest, period. You lose any claim to integrity, trustworthiness and future fidelity. You have lied to your mate, your family and your friends in most cases.
.....

So, would a wife who deceives her husband by promising to "...Love, honour..." etc, then doesn't fulfill that promise also be a cheat?

[chucky19]

So, would a wife who deceives her husband by promising to "...Love, honour..." etc, then doesn't fulfill that promise also be a cheat?

Yup, I'm with you Jantar. Too many relationships get to the position that the only promise kept is the infidelity one. Everything else goes out the window, and then they run around shouting "He/She cheated on me" without even considering that they had anything t do with it.

Then again, my first wife was an out and out slapper and it would have happened whatever I did.

[jrandom]

Do you not know what that means?

I do. Presumably writing in something other than English was an attempt to look clever in the absence of anything of substance to respond with?



Top tip: If you think that a statement is 'babble', point out its actual illogicalities.

You will never have any kind of victory over me.

If you choose to take issue with something I say, and then find yourself running out of ability to respond, that's a victory for the position I've taken, whether you acknowledge it or not.



Although in this case I sniff something slightly more subtle going on. We don't actually disagree on anything of substance. I'm just introducing the concept of ethical shades of grey in response to your emotiveness about 'cowardice' and suchlike.

As you'll see earlier in the thread, I don't support the idea of deception as moral in any circumstances. But what I'm taking the opportunity to expand on now is why folk use it as a tool in response to abusiveness and manipulation.

A woman I know, f'rinstance, was 'rescued' from a thoroughly dreadful marriage some time ago by another man, who she's remained (more or less) happily married to for the last twenty years since.

If she'd gone to her husband of the time to 'negotiate' the situation, rather than just disappearing, violence would have been a very real possibility. She was also clinically depressed and suicidal at the time.

Ethical shades of grey. It'd be lovely if everyone could charge through life fulfilling some form of Randian superhuman ideal, but in reality, people are limited and imperfect, and sometimes it's necessary to fight fire with fire, and emotional and physical abuse with deception.

[Jantar]

... Too many relationships get to the position that the only promise kept is the infidelity one. Everything else goes out the window, ....

That describes my first wife. However she was a great houskeeper and a wonderfull mother to our children; she just stopped being a wife as well. We still get on well, and she and I with our current spouses do get together for dinner from time to time. Her present husband is having the same issues I did, and they are now at the point of breaking up.

[MsKABC]

I do. Presumably writing in something other than English was an attempt to look clever in the absence of anything of substance to respond with?

Quod erat motherfucking demonstrandum.

Top tip: If you think that a statement is 'babble', point out its actual illogicalities.

The point I was making, perhaps too subtley, was that I think you were talking a load of bollocks in order to justify your actions.

[SixPackBack]

The point I was making, perhaps too subtley, was that I think you were talking a load of bollocks in order to justify your actions.

Could you two get a room and get the fluid swapping outa the way??...seriously we're all thinkin' it!

[oldrider]

Reading these threads as they pop up from time to time makes me realise how lucky I am.

We (Mrs O and I) were married 45 years ago on the first of this month.

It's been a bit tricky at times "but"

I think the secret to our success thus far has been due to her impeccable good taste in men and my extremely forgiving nature!

Whatever, it seems to work. John.

[MsKABC]

Could you two get a room and get the fluid swapping outa the way??...seriously we're all thinkin' it!

That's one line I won't be standing in!

Oh, and using a different font really is just a pathetic attempt at making yourself seem funnier (p/t)

[MsKABC]

Reading these threads as they pop up from time to time makes me realise how lucky I am.

We (Mrs O and I) were married 45 years ago on the first of this month.

It's been a bit tricky at times "but"

I think the secret to our success thus far has been due to her impeccable good taste in men and my extremely forgiving nature!

Whatever, it seems to work. John.

Congratulations OR, truly an achievement in this day and age. My grandfather left his marriage of 35 years for another woman and lived to regret it immensely. Fortunately he and my grandmother were able to strike up a friendship based on mutual respect in their final years.