SMC = Great Success!

[Danae]

Sunday was the day of the great and magnificent Meremere drag races. Bikers, boy racers, classic car owners and guys in vans flocked to the small town from all corners of Auckland and maybe Mercer.

Naturally the SMC had to get involved. The club has quite a few race bikes; GSXRs, VFRs, RVFs...machines that were made for the fast lane.

So of course we forgo them all and instead decide to take a couple of scooters.

Yes, scooters.

A friend of the club recently received an awesome and almost too sexy scooter for his 21st. As if the fact that it was a Honda weren't gay enough, the scooter was decorated with pretty metallic vinyl and gained the race number 21. I still have a hold of my old Yamaha Vino, a nifty fifty with far too much grunt for what it's worth, and has been living with Squiggles for the last couple of weeks.

As soon as the Honda Dio laid headlight on the Vino, you could see the tension in the air. Super-high frequency photons of jealousy and rage sparked between the two scoots, and they had to be separated before they ripped each other apart.

There was only one way to settle which scooter was best: SCOOTER DRAGS!

However, unseen complications the day before the drags was only the beginning of the problematic journey...our Dio owner friend had managed to debead the rear tyre of the scoot (coincidentally, I did exactly the same thing). Drastic times called for drastic measures, and drastic measures called for Squiggles, the local fixit/unshaven rapist!


A Honda Dio is harder to put back together than those puzzles that make a sphere...in the end you just stick bits together hoping all is well

He was over in a flash, and the scoot put up a terrible fight as we attempted to remove it's wheel (you would too if someone were trying to wrench one of your limbs off), but eventually the damn thing came off. Unfortunately filling it up with air wouldn't do the trick, and the Tyre Place was closed, so we promptly sat down to watch Star Trek, Harold and Kumar, and Billy Connolly until 4am while drinking.

Oh right, the drags are at 10! Up at the crack of dawn (8:47am) and out the door! PirateJafa is already at Squiggles', busy being a replacement son and eating the delicious breakfast Squigs' mum made. Hang around for a bit, rush off to Cycletreads to resurrect the tyre and steal sponsor stickers. Unsatisfied with acquiring a full licence and driving around legally, Jafa has let his rego go out. We spend the better part of half an hour trying to find an AA or post office that is open but no luck...oh well!

Grab a trailer and go to pick up the scooters. Reattach the rear tyre (which is just as difficult as taking it off) and biff the scoots into the trailer.


All ready to hit the road! Doesn't that pink vinyl look fabulous?

Right, on the road! Oh crap, it's midday.

Just out of Auckland the scooters are getting a bit friendly. Rather, in true Honda fashion, the Dio is making a move on the Vino. The Yamaha stands resolute and tries to ignore the bumping and grinding Honda. Eventually we feel sorry for it, pull off the motorway and readjust the tie-downs.


Settle down back there!

We have a rather uneventful drive down. As long as you don't count the fact that none of us have any idea where Meremere is exactly..."South" seems to suffice.

At about 1:30 we reach the Meremere dragway! Hoorah! Apprehensively we approach the entrance, unsure what all the super-hardout bikers and cagers will think of our pisstake...ooh, a sign! Hrm...no eftpos.

Jafa: "I don't suppose any of you have cash?"
Squigs and Danae: EPIC FACEPALM

[Danae]

Turn the accord around, drive a few k to Mercer and get some money out. Unfortunately Jafa is too broke...no scooter drags for him!

Back on the motorway! Now we're getting pumped! Yeah, scooter drags! I'll fooking own you! Nah, you don't stand a chance!

Rock up, receive expected strange looks.

"Hey man, you still doing drags?"
"Yearp. But signup finished at 12."

FURTHER EPIC FACEPALM.

We had to be content with watching the rest of the drags and several burnouts, but missed pocketcracker's sustained 12'o'clock. ]:

We learn there are to be drags in two weeks' time...we will return with a vengeance, two scooters and probably a bunch of pocket rockets!


How many SMCers does it take to install a working sub? Clearly more than two...

After all the merriment and joyful laughter, Jafa and Squiggles proceed to take apart the sub in order to attain doof doof. After about an hour we still have no unce unce. So far we have done so much, yet achieved ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Back on the road to Auckland we go then...wait, what's this? A motorcyclist in peril?! A HARLEY rider in peril??!! Jafa swerves to the side of the road. It would appear the Harley owner suddenly lost all final drive and broke down. We look at his massive tourer. Look at the trailer half-full with scooters. Look at the tourer.

"I think we can help you out there..."


That thing was big...and really shiny. Let's not scratch it.

What proceeded was brought upon by the excitement of the drags and Squiggles' need to take a 50cc scooter onto the motorway...

We unloaded the two scoots and pushed the huge tourer up the makeshift ramp (surprisingly it wasn't too heavy). After we tied it down, Squiggles and I donned our ceremonial scooter-drag gear (ATGATT, kids!), hoping it was not to be our funeral outfit. We wait for a sufficiently large gap in traffic and take off at the speed of...at the speed of...well, probably a small child. A small, disabled child. A small, disabled child towing a donkey behind their wheelchair.

Cue "Danger Zone".

From the off it was apparent the Vino was pwning the Dio. Me at barely half throttle, the Honda could hardly keep up at full throttle. Cars overtaking us were genuinely perplexed, and probably began to question their sanity. A bus full of Chinese tourists were thoroughly entertained, pointing and laughing at us as if we were some sort of spectacle. I mean, it can't be that unusual to see two scooters, one pink and one that has obviously been dropped a fair few times, ripping down the motorway at 50km/hr?

I practiced getting my knee down (well, more like sticking it out on a spectacularly gentle curve).

However, the merriment was not to last. A sign came past that read, "SOUTHERN MOTORWAY BEGINS". I swear some sort of strange forcefield was radiating out from that sign. I could feel the chill as we passed through it. The chill that marks the beginning of Auckland. Chaos ensued. Squiggles and I putter along. Cars roar past, beeping their horns and giving the finger, cutting into ouur lane. They clearly needed to be somewhere incredibly important at 4pm on a Sunday. We hunch down on our scoots, urging them to go faster. The offramp must be coming up soon... Gusts of wind blow us from side to side. Only the next offramp, nearly there... Ahead of me, the Dio begins to rattle... 2km to go... the cagers become more agressive, roaring past. There, the offramp! Victorious, we putter up the offramp, and pull to a stop around the corner. The Honda sounds as though there is a rogue washer rattling around in the engine, so we have a break while Jafa finishes rescuing the Harley Rider.

Having both had only 4 hours of sleep the prior night, we promptly lie down in the gravel and fall asleep. Passing bikers stare at the sight of us. Two scooters on a gravel shoulder with a couple of ATGATT riders lying around them.


Rescued!

What seems like hours later, Jafa returns and we load the scooters up again and head back to Central Auckland. After dropping the scooters off we pull up to a Burger King and quintuple park with the Accord + Trailer combo.


Yes, that sign says "RIDING FOR DISABLED"

Quietly chewing on delicious meats, we contemplate the eventful day. We spent five hours preparing to leave to a dragway we are too late to participate in. We attempted (and failed) to hook a sub up. We rescued a Harley rider. We raced 50cc scooters along the Southern Motorway. We had a gravel nap. And we gave a Honda Dio a death rattle.

In true SMC fashion, we managed to somehow fill an entire day with activity and yet...accomplished nothing.

See you in two weeks for the scooter showdown (my Vino will pwn all)

[motorbyclist]

Yeah, i kinda saw all this coming when you guys told me of your plans at midnight re the debeaded tyre.... thus the bailout, which means i'm now half done with my maths assignment!

so what did you do to willo's commuter?

and did the harley rider wave at any stage? now that would have been an achievement

[motorbyclist]

btw the yamaha scoots have markedly larger carbs etc than the hondas, thus the jog (or vino) will usually pwn a dio, but the dio (apparently) is the favourite for performance modding

in fact, honda only makes 4t scoots now - i see suzuki does 50cc 2t fuel injected!

[Danae]

so what did you do to willo's commuter?

Apparently there is a washer on the inside of the kickstand that can come loose. I haven't looked yet tho. Squiggles said it is also a good time to check the belt

and did the harley rider wave at any stage? now that would have been an achievement

Actually no, may have to ask Jafa as he saw the dude off...but that would be hilarious

[PirateJafa]

Yes, the HARLEY RIDER DID WAVE! :O

[Squiggles]

so what did you do to willo's commuter?

and did the harley rider wave at any stage? now that would have been an achievement

We're not sure yet... it was going 52.5km/hr @ the time, ya can hear it when you shake the bike at standstill haha. I didnt see the harley rider wave but a sprotsbiker waved at us and I waved back

btw the yamaha scoots have markedly larger carbs etc than the hondas, thus the jog (or vino) will usually pwn a dio, but the dio (apparently) is the favourite for performance modding

I googled around and there is indeed a shiteload of parts to make em go real quick for a scoot

[Danae]

Yes, the HARLEY RIDER DID WAVE! :O

HOLY CRAP

[shingo]

The late 80's Dio are quite popular amongst the scooter racers, though they are also meant to be the quickest of the stock 2T's as well. But I think they have become a little hard to find in decent nick.

I believe suzuki have also moved to making 4T scoots now too (on top of the 2T Motorb is talking about).

Still nothing compares to a Street Magic with a nice pipe on it!

[Slyer]

I'm just checking out these 50cc performance parts.

Hehehehehehe

[pocketcracker]

Phucking Awsome ! .. you guys rock .. I laughted my arse off reading that ! ..

I also pulled up and contemplated the resuce of the harley just past mercer ! ..But after my near death experience ..*dramatized* i just wanted Chocolate ..

Ps, im guessing now jaffa was the chicky .. Swallow ! .. c yas in 2 weeks ...

[Danae]

Ps, im guessing now jaffa was the chicky .. Swallow !

Lol what?

[pocketcracker]

Hmmm ! may have placed my sz 12 too far down my throat to remove quickly .. So ill go with the word ..HAWT ! .. and to quote the guy standing just behind ... THATS IT LEAN ALIL MORE OVER RAIL AND WATCH THEM LIL CARS ! ... sum guys HUH !...

[Ragingrob]

How'd ya break the sub Jafa?

[Ixion]

Funz!.

But a real biker would've ridden the scooters down.