Ho do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake...
Ho do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake...
I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us.
She immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
As we lay there making love, I thought,
"These Taser guns are well worth the money."
Years ago a girlfriend told me that she was poly, which I thought meant ambidextrous. I couldn't understand why she refused to jerk me off with her left hand, and kept on fucking other guys?
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas.
The week flew by and they all had a great time.
After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms and hollers, "7 come 11" all night and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says "I know what you mean... my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Compiled this list, hope you guys like it.
What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can't take a joke.
How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None... he fell.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
A baby seal walked into a club...
I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.
Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.
How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.
How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.
What's the best part about raping a baby? It makes your dick look HUGE!
What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist asshole!
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You can't fuck a rock. (Not with that attitude.)
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhh!
What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.
"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a hurricane?
You can't rip the eye out of a hurricane and skull fuck it. (Again, not with that attitude.)
Why does the game 'Clue' not have a black character in it?
Because then it would be called 'Solved'.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster Now it doesn't work.
What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a Mexican and Jesus?
Jesus doesn't have a tattoo of a Mexican.
What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.
What do a Muslim and a sperm have in common? Both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period.
You get your palm red for free.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
A woman walks into her sex therapist's office
and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it.
The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.
The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the Viagra worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills.
The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle.
The therapist says she doesn't know; it's a new drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person.
Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and puts the rest of the
bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.
A week later, a boy walks into the therapist's office and says: "Are you the moron who gave my mother a bottle of Viagra?"
"Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?"
"Well, mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my ass hurts, and dad's sitting'
in the corner going "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
Eh, about halfway
What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Prostitute?
A two ton pickup that will do it for peanuts and never forget you.
What do you get when you cross a prostitute with an honest politician?
I don't know. There is no such thing as an honest politician.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Not actually sick, but I can think of a couple of people (not necessarily on here) who wouldn't be happy seeing this!
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My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. It's ok though, she usually comes crawling back before too long.
Keep on chooglin'
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