What's your sickest joke?

[Sniper]

I have a lot of baby jokes but my worse joke has to be


Whats blue, 14inches long and fucks women?


Cot death :killingme

[Matt Bleck]

oh yeah that IS sick.... what about...

A crim is shown to his new cell,
Sitting on his bunk is his cell mate,
A big scary, hairy mother fucker.

His cell mate say's to him..
"So you want to be the Mummy or the Daddy?"
to which newbie quickly replys
"The Daddy"

His cell mate answers
"Good, now come suck Mummies COCK!"

[MrMelon]

The Aristocrats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats)

There's a video of the South Park version here (http://www.spschat.com/RareMedia/videos/southparkjoke-thearistocrats.wmv)

[Colapop]

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,
"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."
The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

[Damon]

One pedofille turns to another and says "I'll give you two 5's for a 10"

[Matt Bleck]

I just told these to my work mates....

not one laugh :pinch:

[bugjuice]

The Aristocrats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats)

There's a video of the South Park version here (http://www.spschat.com/RareMedia/videos/southparkjoke-thearistocrats.wmv)
that south park clip is fuckin funny..

[hXc]

-Your mama's so fat....
But I fucked her anyway

-What do you call a dead baby with a dislocated neck?
Deepthroat

-What's worse than waking up next to a dead baby?
Realising you fucked it the night before

[Sparky Mark]

How do you know when your sister has her period?

Your Dads cock tastes funny...

[Damon]

how do you circumsize (sp?) a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw

[Lias]

Q. Whats the worst thing about fucking a bald pussy?
A. Putting the nappies back on afterwards.

[Sketchy_Racer]

How do you know when your sister has her period?

Your Dads cock tastes funny...

ewwww!! thats just NASTY:lol: :lol: :lol: :2thumbsup

[NC]

Whats the difference between a Jew and an apple pie?

One doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[Ivan]

yeah they pretty good ill get some off my uncle he has some good ones

[curious george]

Ohh, bad karma for some of these...

Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."
St Peter: "Not likely!"
Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."
At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.
St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."
Jesus: "Bugger off!"
Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."
Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.
Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."
God: "Tell him to get lost!"
Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."
God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

[In The Breeze]

One pedofille turns to another and says "I'll give you two 5's for a 10" since we're on this topic

[Lias]

Q. How many jews fit in a volkswagen?
A. 4 in the seats, 6 million in the ashtray.

Q. Did you hear about Evil Kinevil's cousin in the KKK, Klu Klux Kinevil?
A. His trick was to jump over 50 niggers in a steamroller.

Q. Whats the difference between a nigger and a tyre?
A. Tyres dont sing when you put chains on em

Q. Whats the ultimate catch 22 for jews?
A. Free pork

Q. Why do niggers cry during sex?
A. The Mace.

Q. What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
A. Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

Q. Why do niggers stink?
A. So blind people can hate them too.

Q. What is a nigger on a bike?
A. Thief.

Q. Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
A. He doesn't know he's black.

Q. Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
A. It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two jews fighting over a penny.

Q. How does a black woman fight crime?
A. She has an abortion.

Q. Why are synogoges round?
A. So the jewish people have nowhere to run when they pass out
the collection plate.

Q. How can you tell the Jewish mother-in-law at a wedding?
A. She's the one on her hands and knees picking up the rice.

Q. What did Mussilini say to hitler when hitler visited italy?
A. If I knew you were coming i would have baked a kike

I'm not anti-semetic thou, really. My grandfather died at Austwitchz.
He fell off a guard tower!

[judgeshock]

:angry2: :angry2: :angry2:

[RantyDave]

Ah, now not so long ago there was a sick joke competition somewhere on the Interweb and this was the winner:

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?" The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there." The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

[T.W.R]

blind fella walking down the road, walks past a fish shop. what does he say as he's walking past?

Morning ladies!

homosexual indian hops into his canoe one day, takes two short strokes & shot across the lake!

hear that McDonalds are producing a Michael Jackson Burger, its A 40yr old piece of meat in 12yr old buns!

how do you know when a hooker is full ? she's got a runnie nose.

how do you know when she's on the level ? both nostrils are dribbling.

did you know hitler's old man was the best carpenter in the world ? yep he built a complete shithouse with only one tool !

[miSTa]

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other,

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a $100. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

[WINJA]

whys a pedofile like a tortise ,,,,, cause they both get there before the hair does

[ducatilover]

whats worse than 30 babies tied to a tree? one baby tied to 30 trees:wari:

how do you make a hormone? dont pay her...

what goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? a blond doing cartwheels.

whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock? you can fuck a dead baby....

and my fav, how do you get a baby into a jar? with a blender! how do you get the baby out of the jar? cornchips:eek: :buggerd:

[Good Girl]

MOre bad karma...

Why did the Christchurch man kill the protitute?
Cause he couldn't even pay her for sex! :puke:

[T.W.R]

what do you call a blonde when she leaves a party? a box of assorted creams!

the three things a perfect woman would say :
1. aim anywhere its good for my skin
2. of course i do, i love the taste
3. I'm bored can we shave my pussy

two irish couples decide to swap partners. after about 2hrs of sex, one says; fuck me that was good! i wonder how the girls are getting on?

rooster & cat walking over a bridge, the cat slips and falls into the river!, the rooster can't stop laughing ! whats the moral of the story?
Where ever theres a wet pussy, theres a happy cock!

[inlinefour]

How do you make a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alterboy.

[miSTa]

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, "a bit sour."

[Damon]

How do you stop a baby from swinging on your clothes line?

With a shovel (((GONG!!)))

[Swoop]

Guy phones his work: Boss, I can't come in today - I'm SICK!
Boss: I saw you yesterday, you looked fine.
Guy: But I'm really SICK!!!
Boss: How sick can you be???
Guy: I've been fucking my sister, is that sick enough?

[hXc]

What do you call a black guy who flys a plane?

A pilot ya racist bastard!

[Sensei]

Q -Why did the Maori swap his wife for a Rubbish bin ?
A - The hole was smaller & smelt better !

[WRT]

Wanted: Small Black for mudguard. Must be flexible and willing to travel.

[miSTa]

Q: What is the difference between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face

[Swoop]

Just to link the terrorist thread with the sick jokes thread...

[Qkchk]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."

[Qkchk]

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. The says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"

[Coyote]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."
She wins, that's the sickest thing I've heard

[Qkchk]

A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.

He disregards the strange site as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots long lines of semen into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into that damned bucket.

The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing spuzz, huh?"

She wipes her mouth and replies, "Another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."

[Qkchk]

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

[kro]

Farmer Brown is feeling horny, and decides to get it on with the sheep he is shearing, he gets halfway thru the act, and his wife walks in and without skipping a beat she says " this is the pig I've been fucking, Farmer brown says " its a sheep, not a pig", Mrs Brown says " I was talking the the goddamn sheep, idiot!!".

[Qkchk]

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."




Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"

His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."

So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."

Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

http://www.insultmonger.com/jokes/sick_jokes_4.htm

[miSTa]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."


ewwwwwwwwww, now that's going to be hard to beat :gob:

[hXc]

Dirty joke: OMGWTFBBQ fell in the mud
Clean joke: OMGWTFBBQ had a shower
Sick joke: OMGWTFBBQ threw up

[Goblin]

There was a young lady named Mary
Whose cunt was incredibly hairy
She fell down in the fog, and was raped by a dog
who thought she was Hairy McLeary.



So there I was, Speights in one hand, trousers round my ankles, cock in her mouth, balls slappin her chin and I thought to myself......What a great beer!!



Two queers living together...one morning one of them catches the other wanking into a comdom. "what are you doing?" he asks. "Oh just packing your lunch."

[Swoop]

Two gays living in the same house.
One minces off to "have a bath".
Later, the other notices that some time has gone by and goes to find him.
Gay #1 is still in the bath - but randomly pushing several turds under the water.
Gay #2: "what are you doing sweety?" (said with lisp)
Gay #1: "teaching our babies to swim of course!"

[Sniper]

You hear that Elton john and his new partner are doing a remake of a Wizard of Oz song??


Its called, "Swallow the yellow thick load"

[Indiana_Jones]

don't know if someone has put it up, can't be bothered reading all the posts :D

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A: Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

-Indy

[miSTa]

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my arse"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and lets have a look".
"Fuck me!!" says the doctor "What could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".

[TraD_MaN]

what did the boy with no arms, no legs, was deaf and blind get for xmass?


cancer

[LXS]

q. What do you call an anorexic (sp?) with a yeast infection?
a. Quarter pounder with cheese.

[Sniper]

Those are pretty bad (Yes I know, Thread revival)

[Fishy]

What sits in the corner, is red and get smaller and smaller?...

A baby using a potato peeler as a comb.

[MSTRS]

News from London: The latest craze with clubbers is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and drink it out of a straw. Experts are now warning of the dangers of minge drinking.

[WRT]

News from London: The latest craze with clubbers is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and drink it out of a straw. Experts are now warning of the dangers of minge drinking.

Bah, thats old hat. Bikers have been doing that for years. (Really NWS!)

[bugjuice]

seriously can't be good for ya..

but so wanna go (to drink, not to hold the drink)

[WRT]

Yeah, I was wondering that . . . I figured that the pressure could do nasty things to her insides, but she does seem to be laughing about the whole thing so maybe not . . .

LOL - I'm glad tho that your wanting to be the drinker rather than the holder - Chateau de Butt, anyone?

(or should that be Shat-oh . . .)

[bugjuice]

Enema express

hey! strawberry champaign....!

[2much]

What's the definition of self destruction?


An epileptic lepper

[Pillick]

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

















keep the tip.

[Crazy Steve]

What do you call a leper in a spa bath...

Soup...

Crazy Steve

[Eurodave]

Why did the leper leave the party?










Cause he was fed up of people using his back as a pate' dip

[Insanity_rules]

Never ask a leper to give you a tip........... or a hand!

[Insanity_rules]

Did ya hear Elton John and George Michael are remaking their duet "Dont let your son go down on me"

[Insanity_rules]

A homophobic cop was doing a raid on a nightclub bathroom when he hears a man groaning in a cubicle. So the cop kicks down the door and sees that the moaning guy has another guy with him with 2 fingers stuck up his ass.
Whats going on here the cop exclaims? I'm tring to make my mate here sick the guy doing the fingering replys.
No your not, your doing something perverse the cop says..
No I'm making him sick the guy replys..
How says the cop.... wait for it



When I stick these fingers down his throat, trust me he'll be sick!

[Free Rider]

Mommy Mommy Jokes.

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?

Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts.

Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

Shut up and pass me the crowbar.


Airliners

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse, when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die!", she wails.
Then she yells,
"Well,if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable. Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

He is gorgeous - tall, well built with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt,one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends his hand to the trembling woman and whispers .......
.......................
"Iron this."



Shaun and Lulu Kinda lame

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Lulu said, "Sean, if Ah'm no bein too forward, Ah'd love tae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let's go back tae mah place."

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my baws in your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."

Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in your left hand, and my wullie in your right hand." Lulu is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.

Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Lulu asks "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye're sleepin ?"
Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian, she shtole my wallet."


Early one morning kinda lame to

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you !"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then. When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door

"What's wrong ? Didn't you come ? Do you want more ?"
His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my arsehole !!"

Little red riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said "You'd better not go out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered."

So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!"

As she continued through the forest, she came across the big bad wolf and he said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said, "NO! You're going to eat me like the book says..."


Average Earnings

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid 100 for doing what I do for you for free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to London too. I want to see you live on 200 a year!"


Tragic

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers,
"I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love... At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."



The birds and the bees

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mum, where do babies come from?
Mum: ... Well dear....a mummy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night, they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Mum: Jewelery, dear.



Ok thats all for now.. some of these jokes are pretty sick but thats da thread..
Hope you all get a good laugh from them. If you want anymore just give a yell.

Cheers, Mike

[Madness]

What's the difference between a nigger and a park bench???


A park bench can support a family.
:doobey: :doobey: :doobey: :doobey: :doobey:

What is long and hard and fucks samoans???


Primary school.
:doobey: :doobey: :doobey: :doobey: :doobey:

[MSTRS]

1 0

[terbang]

Q. What is a womans arsehole doing while she is having an orgasm..?
































A. Drinking with his mates at the local..!

[terbang]

Q. What is the definition of making Love..?




















































A. Something your girlfriend does while youre Fucking her..!

[thehollowmen]

What's the best thing about screwing 12 year old girls?

You can turn them over and pretend they're 12 year old boys.

[Wenier]

I was at home and heard some rucus outside, so i went out to see what was going on. I got outside to see 4 guys beating up this maori fella, and the lady nextdoor said "are you gonna go help", i said "No 4 is enough".

[Free Rider]

ew thehallowmen jokes is just disgusting..

[Sniper]

Pahahahahaha, Hollowman gets my vote!!

[WRT]

And on the topic of mummy mummy jokes . . .

Mummy mummy, can I lick the bowl?

No, you can flush it like everyone else.

[Wenier]

Ya want ya mumma jokes ah.

Your mummas so fat,

I f**ked her anyway.

[skidMark]

oldie but a goody wienier

[Sniper]

This thread needs reviving..... Its a non-PC thread so give it your best shot

[WickedOne]

When a gay man was asked why he chopped up his dead boyfriend, made a curry with him and ate him he replied: "I just wanted to feel him dribble out of my bum one more time".:sick:

[nodrog]

whats the definition of gross?



fucking a pregnant chick and a hand grabs ya cock!

[skidMark]

what do michael jackson and whiskey have in common...




they both come in tots

[Macktheknife]

Whats the best part about getting a blowjob from an Ethiopian?


You know she will swallow.

What is the fastest thing in the desert? an ethiopian with a McDonalds voucher.


What is the brown sludge between elephants toes? Slow natives.

A guy was going down on a girl he had just picked up in a bar, she sounded like she was enjoying it and then he found a piece of carrot, not wishing to embarass her he flicked it away and carried on. A moment later he found some corn and another unidentifiable green thing. Unable to continue he said to the girl "are you sick or something?
No she replied, "but the last guy that was down there was."

[SARGE]

A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years.

Then one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship.

About ten minutes later the rowboat reaches the shore carrying a man in a captain's uniform. "Thank heavens for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was never going to be rescued."

"How long have you been here?" asks the Captain.

.

"Ten years?" says the Captain. "How have you coped all that
time on your own?"

"Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow. I've built my own house. There it is, over there, Number 1!"

"But ten years!" says the Captain, "Ten years without sex!".

"Ahhhh, well....that's not quite true," says the man shyly.

"What do you mean?" inquires the Captain.

"Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried in the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine and a half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!"

"Oh, God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely shocked Captain.

"Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we
got out of step."


=========================================


There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing.
She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing. So................










They buried her.

[Macktheknife]

The worst part about being a paedofile.... you have to go to bed at 7.

How does a blonde know if she had a good night out?
She throws her knickers at the wall, if they stick it was a good one.

How do you make an aborigine girl pregnant? Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

WHat is the difference between a fridge and a blonde? A fridge doesnt moan when you take your meat out.

A guy says to his girlfriend, I'm going fishing, you can either come with me or give me a blowjob. She really doesn't want to go so she says ok and starts going down on him. "Fuck" she says, "your cock tastes like dogshit!"
"Yeah I know" he replied, "the dog didnt want to go either."

[race me!!!!]

whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?? a mosquito stops sucking when you slap it..........

[race me!!!!]

what did the leppa say to the the prostitute?? you can keep the tip!!!!

[Lias]

How do you know that you have walked into a homosexual church service?
Only half the congregation are kneeling!

How many faggots does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes an entire emergency room to remove it!

Two really sick faggots were visiting the zoo,
when they found themselves at the gorilla cage.
The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection.
Unable to contain himself the first queer reaches
inside the cage and tries to touch the huge cock.
As soon as arm goes into the cage the gorilla grabs him,
takes him into the cage, slams him on the floor and fucks him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the fag's boyfriend visits him and said, "Does it hurt?"
"Hurt? Hurt?" cried out the raped faggot, "Of course it hurts.
He hasn't phoned and he hasn't written…!"

Why are faggots always the first out of burning buildings?
Because they already have their shit packed!

Why can't scientist's discover a cure for AIDS?
Because they can't get the laboratory mice to fuck each other up the ass!

Two queers are in a hot tub pushing a big turd back and forth in the water. Another fag walked in and asked, "What the hell are you two doing?"
"We are teaching our baby how to swim!"


Two faggots were on a sunny beach. The first one said, "Shall I put the umbrella up?" "Yes," replied the second homo, "But don't open it, I'm a bit sore!"

Did you hear about the two fags who had an argument in a gay bar?
They went outside and exchanged blows!

Why did the faggot think his boyfriend was cheating on him?
Because he kept coming home shitfaced!

Two sick fags were taking a shower with each other.
The phone rings and Lance says to Rod,
"I will be right back darling, so don't start without me!"
After a minute or so Lance comes back,
and sees cum splattered all over the shower wall.
"I thought I told you not to start without me!"
replied Rod, "I didn't start without you, I just farted!"

[Lias]

How do you tell if a nigger is well hung?
When you can't get more than two fingers between the rope and it's neck.

What do niggers and apples have in common?
Both look dammed good hanging from trees!

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What was missing from the million man march? 30 miles of chain and an auctioneer.

What do Nikes and the KKK have in common?
They both make niggers run fast!

White folks aren't racist . .
. . we've all got colored TV's!

Why do niggers hate asperin?
Because it's white and it works!

A nigger walks into a bar and says, "Yo! Where do all the homies hang?". The bartender says, "out there", pointing to a tree in the back.

What did God say when he made the first nigger?
Oops! Burnt another one!

Why haven't any niggers died from West Nile virus?
Mosquitos don't land on shit, only flies do!

What should you do if you accidentally run over a nigger?
Throw the truck into reverse!

Why do whites shop at nigger yard sales?
To get back their possessions.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

What has four legs and a black arm?
A happy pitbull.

How is a nigger like a broken gun?
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers?
Warden.

What is tattooed inside every niggers lip?
inflate to 80 P.S.I.!

What happened to the nigger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500!

What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Buy Us

Why do police dogs lick their asses so much?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouths!

What do niggers say while having sex?
If you scream white bitch ill kill ya!

What do you call a nigger with a I.Q. of 15?
Gifted.

Why did the ape commit suicide?
He heard that he might have evolved from a nigger!

What do you say to a nigger in a three piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

Why did "Wacko Jacko" go to Kmart?
Because he heard that little boys pants were half off!

What do you call one white guy surrounded by three niggers?
Victim!

[Lias]

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

[SARGE]

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man.
"You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I
noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of
course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway to
cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all
over the house. We did everything... me on top, sometimes her on top!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno... never found the head!"

[JeremyW]

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?...
Half a dog.

What is green and mows the lawns?
Hes my nigger and I will paint him any colour I want!!

What is the difference between winning lotto and prison?
One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak...

How do you know when it is time to do the housework?
Look between your legs, if you have a penis its not time.

There I think I have pissed off enough social groups for one day :)

[MSTRS]

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10.00 bills.
The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests, you get all the money."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.
"What are the three tests?"
"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules."
So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do:
First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila...the whole thing, all at once, and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her".
The man is stunned.
"I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idoit! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."
"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks.. "Where's zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy s creaming, the pit bull yelping and then... silence.
Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[Maha]

Starts with a 'W'....and ends with an 'A'.....most will the middle bit......:killingme

[Jonny Rotten]

Q: Whats four foot high and dosn't like sex ?

A: The little girl in the back of my van

[Finn]

It's not sick but really funny. It's one of those knock, knock, who's there jokes.

But it starts with you (the reader) saying, "Knock, knock".

Go on, say it out loud then scroll down...


































Who's there?

You dumbass. I can't believe you fell for that.

[MSTRS]

Always late for work? No problem. Bin Laden Airlines will fly you directly into your office.

[McJim]

Apologies - I originally posted this in un-pc jokes but neglected to make the characters black, gay or unemployed.

You want sick?

Mercenary soldier in a war zone needs to take a dump. The commanding officer says "You're not taking a dump in this trench buddy we may have to live here for days - go to those part ruined buildings over there - we'll give you covering fire" so the guy runs across no man's land and duck's through a doorway. "Get ready to give him more covering fire" says the C.O.
5 minutes pass - no sign, 10 minutes, 20, half an hour and still there's no sign of the dude. After 540 minutes the C.O. says okay, looks like he found a booby trap, stand down and scratch him off the wage bill. Just then they see him pop out of the building and start running towards them doing up his trousers. They lay down a covering fire and he made it back to cover. "What took you so long?" the C.O. asked
"Well Sarge, I met this nurse, beautiful legs, great tits, lovely arse and we were just shagging. I was on top, then she was on top then I took her from behind..."
"Did she give you a blowjob?" asked one of the junior troops
"Nah mate, I couldn't find her head."

[Finn]

What's the definition of Relative Humidity?

It's the sweat running down your grandmothers back as you... Even I can't finish this.

[bungbung]

What's the best thing about twentyfour year olds?

There's twenty of them

[Damon]

What's the definition of Relative Humidity?

It's the sweat running down your grandmothers back as you... Even I can't finish this.

You get my vote, thats the sickest thing i've heard in a long time, it gets worse when your grandmother is dead :gob:

[Finn]

You get my vote, thats the sickest thing i've heard in a long time, it gets worse when your grandmother is dead :gob:

Yeah, my grandmother died years ago from serious burns. Yip, they don't fuck around at the crematorium.

This was after she moved in with us when I was a teenager. My brother and I took her deep into the bush and released her to the wild. She didn't last long.

[Steam]

Holy crap, this thread is so bad/good I have to post so it will float to the top like a turd, and more people will read it!!

[ynot slow]

bob had come home pissed,:Punk: spilt a couple of viagra tablets in hurry to root the misses,next minute out pops mickey mouse eats the tablet,after couple of secs gets a huge rarge on says to his mate where's the fucken pussy now

[Deano]

I just told these to my work mates....

not one laugh :pinch:


There has to be a line surely...........and some of these posts have crossed it....how far do you go before it's not funny.....?

[Spuds1234]

There has to be a line surely...........and some of these posts have crossed it....how far do you go before it's not funny.....?

This far:

Dude gets a pay rise and a bonus, and gets carted off to LA for a few nights to do some consulting work.

One night, he thinks to himself, "Fuck it. I'm not getting any at home and with all this extra money, I'm going to get myself the most expensive hooker I can find."

He finds a nice expensive hooker and they go back to his hotel room and they start having sex.

Mid thrust, he stops and say to the hooker "Its like sand paper down there, you've got 5 minutes to fix it, or you can leave and I wont pay you anything."

She goes off to the bathroom and comes out 5 minutes later and they start going at it. Its the best sex he has ever had.

Afterwards when they are laying there in what you might call the after glow, he leans over and asks "What did you do to make it so much better?"

She says "Oh I picked the scabs and let the pus run a little."

[0arbreaka]

There was a young girl who lived in Hamilton. She was about to turn fiftenn, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much teasing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

[0arbreaka]

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysiter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys dick and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."

[0arbreaka]

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[0arbreaka]

One day two brothers, Jack & John decide to go out diving for seafood.

They quickly manage to fill up a sack of seafood so Jack decides to take it back to shore & grab another sack to fill.

John is out at sea all by himself when he see's a shark coming towards him.

Frantically he calls out to his brothr Jack who is still at shore, "Bro Help me Help me there is a shark heading straight for me."

Jack calls back "Yeah Im coming bro"

John is freaking out, the shark swims right up to him & bites off his leg.

Again he is calling out to Jack who is still at the shoreline "Bro come and help me, the sharks bitten off one of my legs.

Jack yells back "yeah hold on Im coming!!"

John tries to stay calm and wait for his brother but then the shark bites off one of his arms.

He yells back to his brother Jack "Hurry!! Come and help me the shark has bitten off my arm and my leg."

Jack calls back "Hold on Im coming!!!"

Then the shark bites off his other leg, John yells "Jack you have to come & save me. The shark has bitten off both my legs and an arm."

And as usual Jack replies. "Just wait Im coming"

The shark then bites off Johns other arm.

Now John has no arms or legs.

His brother finally arrives to save him.

Come on bro, get on my back & I will swim you back to shore.

When they get to the shoreline Jack says with an exhausted sigh "I feel fucked"

And John replies "Well I had to hold on some how!!!"

[0arbreaka]

Just after a woman gives birth to her baby, the doctor asks if she wants the good news or the bad news.

"The bad news, doctor", replies the mother.

"It's ginger", says the doctor.

"So what's the good news?!"

"It's dead."

[0arbreaka]

What's pink and silver and runs around screaming?
-A baby with a fork in each eye.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
-You can't gargle with gravel.

What do you do when a dead baby washes up on shore?
-Try to hide your erection.

What's the best thing about fu*king a baby?
-Hearing its pelvis crack!

How do you make a baby drink?
-Put it in a blender!

What's yellow and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed arm bands.

What's pink, red and yellow and floats on the top of a pool?
Arm bands with a slashed baby.

How fast can you paint a barn red?
Depends how hard you throw the babies.

What sits in the corner with its smile getting bigger and bigger?
A baby eating razor blades.

What's pink and bubbly and goes round and round, tapping on glass?
A baby in a microwave

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck load of bowling balls with a pitch fork

How do you make a baby float?
take your foot off its head

How do you make a baby crawl in circles?
Nail its hand to the floor.

[Drew]

This far:

Dude gets a pay rise and a bonus, and gets carted off to LA for a few nights to do some consulting work.

One night, he thinks to himself, "Fuck it. I'm not getting any at home and with all this extra money, I'm going to get myself the most expensive hooker I can find."

He finds a nice expensive hooker and they go back to his hotel room and they start having sex.

Mid thrust, he stops and say to the hooker "Its like sand paper down there, you've got 5 minutes to fix it, or you can leave and I wont pay you anything."

She goes off to the bathroom and comes out 5 minutes later and they start going at it. Its the best sex he has ever had.

Afterwards when they are laying there in what you might call the after glow, he leans over and asks "What did you do to make it so much better?"

She says "Oh I picked the scabs and let the pus run a little."

I cannot even begin to say.....scroll down















































HOW FUCKIN FUNNY THAT IS!!!!!!!

Ps, that's why, ya never go down on a rental:sick:

[Patrick]

After a few hours of mind blowing great sex and a little snooze, he looks down and sees his Thai girlfriend, stroking his cock, looking at it...

She looks up...

"Do you want more?" He asks...

"no" she says.....




















"I just admiring your one... I really miss mine, long time..."

[BUNGY]

Q. If a farmer plants a field of vibrators what would his biggest problem be
A. Squatters

[BUNGY]

A cat tries to get a sausage out of the river but gets its paws wet, then sees a bigger one, but falls in. Moral of the story? Bigger the sausage, wetter the pussy

[Disco Dan]

WANTED: One small black boy to replace mudflap on old cortina. Must be flexible and willing to travel.


(a little racist, but you asked for the sickest i knew...)

[sidecar bob]

A rubbish man was doing his rounds when he came to a house that didnt have a bin outside.
Knowing that the people usually put a bin out, he knocks on the door.
after a very long time a small asian man answers the door, Rubbish man says "wheres ya bin"? asian man says ", i bin working on compwutor"
Rubbish man says, " no no, wheres ya WHEELIE bin"?
Long pause, Asian man says "awww, i wheelie bin having a wank.

[0arbreaka]

-D'ya know what's the worst thing about this bird flu?
-It's untweetable

-First the prostitutes and now the turkeys...
-Not much chance of getting a gobble in Suffolk now then.

-Why are American pilots like gay porn stars?
-Both shoot up their friends asses on camera.

[0arbreaka]

-What did James Brown say before he died?
-I don't feel good.

-What have Richard Hammond and Elton John got in common?
-They both have skid marks on their helmet.

-What do Richard Hammond and Kate Moss have in common?
-They both got fucked on Top Gear.

[0arbreaka]

-Have you heard about the Top Gear breakfast special?
-Sausage, bacon, mushrooms, beans, Hammond scrambled legs.

-What do Thais have to quench their thirst?
-A Coup of Thai!

-Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
-Because cher-nob'll fall out.

[0arbreaka]

-How can you tell an Indonesian prostitute?
-She's the one in the fish nets

-Did you hear the one about Saddam?
-He got a suspended sentence.

-Whats Saddam's marital status?
-Swinger

[0arbreaka]

-Elton John has just released a song in memory of Saddam!
-It's called "Dangle in the Wind".

-What's the difference between Tampax and Saddam Hussain?
-One is a string hanging from a cunt...

-Why is Saddam so good with the ladies?
-Because he's well hung!

[0arbreaka]

-What does NASA stand for?
-Need Another Seven Astronauts

-What's the difference between Anna Nicole Smith and a casino?
-Anna Nicole Smith isn't sucking anymore money.

-You hear about a new section in playboy magazine for Necrophiliacs?
-First double spread is Anna Nicole Smith!

[0arbreaka]

-Why did Michael Jackson hold the baby over the balcony?
-To stop the cum dripping on the carpet.

-Why is Michael Jackson always late for work?
-Because he likes to come in a little behind.

-Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest holiday destination?
-He's going to Tampa with the kids.

[0arbreaka]

-What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
-Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys in the arse.

-What's black and white and red all over?
-Michael Jackson caught in the act.

-What's black and comes in little white cans?
-Michael Jackson.

[0arbreaka]

-What do Jacko and a PS2 have in common?
-They're both made of plastic and get turned on by kids

-What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
-One's made of plastic and dangerous around young children. The other carries your groceries

-Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
-They're better than ten eight year olds!

[0arbreaka]

-What do Michael Jackson and Elton John sing together?
-Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me

-What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
-They both come on little crackers.

-What do father christmas and Michael Jackson have in common?
-They both leave children's rooms with empty sacks.

[0arbreaka]

-Why do German shower nozzles have eleven holes in the head?
-Cos Jews only have ten fingers.

-Heard about the new German microwave?
-It seats twelve.

-What do you do with a Jew with A.D.D.?
-Put him in a concentration camp.

[0arbreaka]

-What was Hitler's least-favourite planet?
-Jewpiter.

-What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?
-An Easy-Bake Oven!

-Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
-A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[0arbreaka]

-Why doesn't Kurt Cobain drive a car?
-He'd rather ride shotgun.

-What color were Kurt Cobain's eyes?
-Blue. One blew this way, one blew that way.

-What is the ultimate gauge of Cobain's success?
-a 12 gauge

[0arbreaka]

-How do you cut an emo sandwich?
-You don't need to, It cuts itself.

-How do you fuck an emo?
-Give it a knife.

-How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

[0arbreaka]

-How do you get an emo out of a tree?
-cut the rope

-When is the only time you wink at an emo?
-When you're staring at him through a rifle scope.

-Two emos jumped off a cliff, which one lands first?
-Why the fuck would I care?

[0arbreaka]

-What do you call an emos diary?
-Their will.

-What do you say to a crippled emo?
-Nothing, you already told him once.

-What do you say at an emos funeral?
-Good riddance.

[0arbreaka]

-Whats the difference between a dead deer in the road, and a dead emo in the road?
-There are skid marks in front of the deer

-What happens when you have 5 emos in a square room?
-One dies because he has no corner to cry in

-What is the special time of the month called when an emo girl bleeds?
-Seeing other people.

[0arbreaka]

-How do you circumcise a Redneck?
-Punch his sister in the jaw.

-What do you say to a girl from Kentucky?
-Nice tooth!

-What do you call a hillbilly in a suit?
-The defendant.

[0arbreaka]

-Why did the hillbilly cross the road?
-His dick was stuck in a chicken.

-What does a hillbilly say after sex?
-Get off me Pa, you're crushing my smokes

-What is the the difference between a greyhound and a Paedophile?
-At least a greyhound waits for the hair to come out!!

[0arbreaka]

-How do you know if a Catholic priest is a paedophile?
-Ask him two questions:
"Are you Catholic?"
"Are you a priest?"

-A father is in the bath with his three year-old son.
-Child: Daddy, why is my willy different to yours?
-Father: Well son, yours isn't erect.

-A man phones into work one Monday morning:
-Man: I can't come in today, I'm sick.
-Boss: What's the matter?
-Man: I cut up my wife with a chainsaw, then raped my six-year-old son.

[0arbreaka]

i own this thread!!!

[0arbreaka]

A guy goes to the pharmacy. "I need some condoms for my 11-year-old daughter."
The pharmacist is shocked: "Your daughter is sexually active at 11?"
The guy says, "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

A doctor in the maternity ward takes a baby from a cot and starts spinning it around by its ankles, smashing it into walls, drop kicking it down the corridors, etc. The mum runs after him, hysterical, screaming and crying and asks him what the hell he is doing. He says "Aah April Fool! It was dead anyway!"

A young girl walks into the bathroom while her mother is taking a shower. She points to her mother's chest and says, "mommy, what are those?"
"Those are breasts," her mother replies, "you will get them when you are older."
A short while later, the girl walks back into the bathroom -- this time to find her father in the shower. She points below his waist and inquires, "daddy, what is that?"
"That is a penis," responds the father.
"When do I get one of those?"
"About fifteen minutes after your mother leaves."

[0arbreaka]

A guy goes to the pharmacy. "I need some condoms for my 10-year-old daughter."
The pharmacist looking shocked asks: "Why does your 10-year-old daughter need condoms?"
The guy says: "Well, I used all the ones she had on her little sister."

-What's the difference between a baby and your grandmother?
-Grandma doesn't die when you fuck her in the arse.

-What do you do after you've had a baby girl?
-Flip it over and have it like a baby boy.

[0arbreaka]

-What does a Paedophile say to his daughter when she's been naughty?
-Don't make me come up there.

-What's the worst thing about sex with a five-year-old?
-Getting the blood out of the clown costume afterwards.

-What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy once he was in the car?
-Hey, go easy on the sweets, I'm not made of money!

[0arbreaka]

-Good point bout being ginger:
-Your chances of getting kidnapped are significantly reduced.

-Why do gingers smell?
-So the blind can hate them too

-Why aren't gingers lynched?
-Would you want to touch one?

[0arbreaka]

Alright im finished for now...

[placidfemme]

-Good point bout being ginger:
-Your chances of getting kidnapped are significantly reduced.

-Why do gingers smell?
-So the blind can hate them too

-Why aren't gingers lynched?
-Would you want to touch one?

Bling awarded lol

[Sniper]

i own this thread!!!

You may do, but you are reposting a couple :bleh:

["D" FZ1]

The Aristocrats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats)

There's a video of the South Park version here (http://www.spschat.com/RareMedia/videos/southparkjoke-thearistocrats.wmv)

That is FKN SICK :sick:

[WRT]

Q. Two South Auckland girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a South Auckland girl use as protection during s*x?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old South Auckland girl?
A. Granny.

Q. Why did the South Auckland girl cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a South Auckland girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a South Auckland quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two South Auckland kids in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a South Auckland boy and a South Auckland girl?
A. A South Auckland girl has a higher sperm count.

[Quartermile]

i own this thread!!!

Yes maybe but you do all the typing white the rest of us reap the benifits:shit:

So who's really winning :first:



And owning this thread is that actually something to be proud of???:sick:

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Well my worst joke was marring the ex husband.

[WRT]

Well my worst joke was marring the ex husband.

Was he marred for life? Or just slightly marred?

[rexb]

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend
over
to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male
or
female horse. "A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"? So the guy picks up the
midget
and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up
again,
and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"? The rancher is getting pretty ticked
off
by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's
mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms
and
rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's requested part,
pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, wiping his eyes, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth
I
should rephrase that - Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

[mitchilin]

fucking a sixteen year old girl in the ass

Fucking a fifteen year old girl in the ass

Whats better than fucking a fifteen girl in the ass?

Joke goes on howeverlong you wnt and ends with something like "What's better then fucking a ten year old boy in the ass?"

NOTHING

[Arthur]

What's worse than sticking six oysters up your gandma's box?
Sucking seven out.... :gob: :gob:

[Patrick]

What's worse than sticking six oysters up your gandma's box?
Sucking seven out.... :gob: :gob:

I think there is our winner....:sick:

[scracha]

I think there is our winner....:sick:
Ickkk..

It's Christmas morning and wee Jimmy and wee Johnny are out playing on thier new bicycle.

JIMMY "Check out my new bike. It's got front suspension and 12 gears"

JOHNNY "That's really good, but mine has got adjustable front and rear suspension, 18 gears and an airhorn."

JIMMY "Wow, that's really cool. Hey, I got an XBOX360 with Fifa 2007 and Grand Turismo. It's set up in my bedroom. We could have a play on it later?"

JOHNNY 'Aye, that's good too but I got an imported Playstation 3, a year's broadband, 20 games and a 42" plasma screen"

JIMMY "Wow, then we'll play on that later! My dad's renting a holiday home next month for us all to go to for a fortnight's time"

JOHNNY "Very nice, my dad's taking us all to Disney Land"

JIMMY "Wow, you're sooooo lucky Johnny"

JOHNNY "I know"

JIMMY "I mean, I wish I had leukemia too"

[Fatjim]

Suzuki are bringing out a GN250R

[Steam]

Suzuki are bringing out a GN250R

I'm sorry but you will go to Suzuki hell for all eternity for mocking the
MIGHTY GN250!

[JimO]

two pedos meet up , one says "havnt seen you for a while" the other one says " i been keeping my eye on a 10 year old down at the park" the other one says "faaaaaaark a 10 yr old whats the matter with you" ..........shes got the body of a 6 year old says the other guy

[Lorax]

What's the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?




















Putting the nappies back on...

[Lorax]

A pedo is leading a little girl deep into a dark forest at night.

After a while of walking in the dark the little girl says "Mr Man, I'm scared", to which he replies "How the fuck do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here by myself!"

[Mumbles]

For the Pedds....

What's better a 5 yr old boy
OR
a 5 yr old girl?



=The 5 yr old Boy

Why?









When you fin just roll him over and he becomes a 5 yr old girl :nono:

[Quartermile]

MIGHTY GN250!

And we have ourselves a winner :first:

[SpinFx]

Why is my dick like a Rubics cube?







The longer she plays with it the harder it gets.

[alley cat]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny?
cos you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly b4 you get to the meat!
:sick: :sick: :sick:

[placidfemme]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny?
cos you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly b4 you get to the meat!
:sick: :sick: :sick:

haha ewwww but haha

they certainly are sick... bring em on

[Goblin]

Little Johnny runs up to his dad, "Daddy Daddy....Granny has a prawn on her cunt!!" Dad says, "No Johnny, that's her clitoris!"
Johnny insists, "No she has a PRAWN on her cunt!!" Dad tells him again, "No that's a clitoris!"
Johnny says, "Well it sure tastes like a prawn!" :sick:

[KATWYN]

What's the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?

Putting the nappies back on...

Lorax, you are telling distasteful jokes like this - and your profile says you are
a teacher?.......

These people telling these "jokes" have crossed the line.

[Steam]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny?
cos you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly b4 you get to the meat!
:sick: :sick: :sick:

I think that's the sickest yet. That is pretty damn sick. Yip. My god I feel sick just reading it.

[imdying]

Did you know that gas is the best way to cook?

14 million jews can't be wrong..

[Gunner]

What does a female Maori say when she looses her virginity?




Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

[0arbreaka]

Whoever gave me red rep for a "bad joke" just so you know this is a sickest joke thread, not a fucking PC thread, if you get offended by a sick joke then you shouldnt have bothered even opening this thread in the first place.

[Naki Rat]

I am sure we have all heard the phrase,
"Don't p!ss on an electric fence." Well it just isn't a joke. Here is what happened to someone that did just that on a 3 phase electric fence.

So what is 3 phase, you might ask? Electricity is provided to each home
as 2 of the 3 phases produced by the transformer on the pole. Our lights and
wall outlets are single phase at 110 volts and our stoves, Air Condition, and large appliances use 2 phase which is two different 110 volt legs or normally 220 to 230 volts.

The difference between phases is that they each alternate between
plus 110 volts down to minus 110 volts thus the name Alternating Current
or AC.
Your car uses a battery and that is DC or Direct Current. Each
phase alternates through their cycle 60 times a second however they each
are timed to start through their cycles one third of the cycle behind the
preceeding cycle so that none of the three are exactly at the same
stage at the same time.

The third leg as it is known us brought into industrial sites to power
up large motors pulling heavy loads.

Can you say ouch??..
Notice the key phrase here is, "a 3 phase electric fence".
Yep, it should burn it off.
Ever wonder what would happen if you p!ssed on a 3 phase electric fence?

Now look at the pickie ----->

[Steam]

These people telling these "jokes" have crossed the line.

WARNING! THIS IS THE THOUGHT POLICE. YOU ARE SURROUNDED.
ALL ILLEGAL THOUGHTS WILL BE CONFISCATED
AND THE BRAIN CONTAINING THEM DESTROYED.

Warning, Rant begins:

For fucks sakes this is what the thread is all about, sick jokes, the sickest jokes we can remember.
What should be done Katwyn, should we ban the jokes? Ban certain people from telling them? Maybe ban the words Poos and Pees because it will offend the ultra-conservative.
Hey, let's just stop people joking about doing anything illegal, because according to some people it has crossed the line. Oooh, jokes about smoking pot, that should be banned cos smoking pot's illegal, it encourages the young.

That's free speech. We live in an open society, a liberal democracy, where people are basically free to say what they want.
Where you can walk up to a police officer or a member or parliament and tell a fucking sick joke about raping babies, and not get arrested or executed for it.
Where you can oppose the ruling class without being suppressed.
Free speech is the thing. I'll defend a Nazi's right to get up on a box and rant about the evils of Jews, even as I abhor his ideology and throw rotten food at him.

Jokes are jokes, they aren't suggestions or tips, they are collections of words designed to make us expect one thing and then something else happens, or some unexpected aspect of the topic is shown.
How did you get to this thread, by clicking on a link that said "click here if you want to read some nice jokes."
No, you clicked on a link that said "WHAT'S YOUR SICKEST JOKE?"
What did you expect?

Rant over.

[miSTa]

Wot he said. I don't read this thread expecting fairy tales.

[deathstar]

Where you can walk up to a police officer or a member or parliament and tell a fucking sick joke about raping babies, and not get arrested or executed for it.

yeah that really wouldn't work but i see where your coming from ... "the sickest jokes ever" means these are sick jokes ... if you don't like sick jokes ... don't read ... but cops can take your personalised plates off you if they find them offensive

[0arbreaka]

some arsehole red reppd me before for a "bad joke", this is a sick joke section and the jokes can be as bad we like. IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED BY ANY OF THESE YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHATSOEVER AND SHOULD NOT EVEN BOTHER OPENING THE JOKES AND HUMOR SECTION! go back to parliament you PC pricks

Thats my rant

[Quartermile]

Yea this thread is or maybe SHOULD BE a glorious place where there are no lines to be crossed:D

Patdog cant you see who gives you rep???

[0arbreaka]

Im not a senior member yet.

[The_Dover]

what a bunch of cockfags.

if you dont want to read sick shit then dont read a sick joke thread you fucking retarded hippies.

I hate hippies.

what's red and yellow and looks good on hippies???





































































fire.

[KATWYN]

[No, you clicked on a link that said "WHAT'S YOUR SICKEST JOKE?"
What did you expect?

Rant over.

Yea there are sick jokes in this thread.

But pedophilia & child torture is NOT a joke. Thats my point.

[KATWYN]

Whoever gave me red rep for a "bad joke" just so you know this is a sickest joke thread, not a fucking PC thread, if you get offended by a sick joke then you shouldnt have bothered even opening this thread in the first place.

It wasn't me who red repped you. Obviously other people think you violate social norms too

[judecatmad]

Yea there are sick jokes in this thread.

But pedophilia & child torture is NOT a joke. Thats my point.

Nor is executing Jews in gas chambers or hanging 'niggers' from trees.....and yet they're all in there.

This is a SICK JOKE thread. I've been truly horrified by some of the jokes, but if you choose to open the thread (knowing what it is) then don't go whingeing about the content.

As others have said, don't go around trying to police something which already advertises its content as utterly un-PC and abhorrent. If some of these lines appeared in other threads, then maybe you'd have a point. But leave this thread alone.

My $0.02

(I have no jokes for this thread cos the best I could come up with was in the kids' joke thread! LOL)

[imdying]

I think Dover summed it up. Katwyn, fuck off out of this thread ta very muchly. What did you think this sick thread was going to contain? Rainbows and flowers?

[KATWYN]

If some of these lines appeared in other threads, then maybe you'd have a point. But leave this thread alone.



Yep. I get it.

Leave em to it.

I hope you people understand that your pedophile "jokes" are contributing to desensitization.
Something to think about.

[judecatmad]

I hope you people understand that your pedophile "jokes" are contributing to desensitization.
Something to think about.

Maybe those with no moral values who don't know the difference between real life and the virtual world.....yeah, I can see how this thread might contribute to their view that bestiality, necrophilia, paedophilia, incest, murder, racism and the love of GN250s is OK....

But then they are the freaks that we don't want in our society anyhow (sorry Steam....couldn't resist the GN250 bit...LOL).

If anyone can't understand that what's in this thread is really unacceptable for circulation in day to day life, and that some of the behaviours described herein are truly abhorrent, then they need to 1. get help and 2. stay away from the computer.

One might say that movies, tv programmes and even the news contribute to our desensitisation on a daily basis. Hell, some of the stuff I have seen portrayed in CSI and SVU has been a whole lot more graphic than most of the stuff I have read in this thread.

The defence 'I saw it on TV/saw it in a movie/played it on a video game/read it on KB so I thought it was OK' is bollocks.

[Sniper]

OI!!! This is my thread and I warned you that its UnPC and will offend.

Dont like it? Take your PC bullshit elsewhere and continue voting labour

[Indiana_Jones]

more sick jokes please, lovin' them :D lol.

and as it's been said, read the thread title, what were you expecting?.......I mean this is KiwiBiker lol

-Indy

[Ixion]

Debate over the acceptance or otherwise of certain topics in a "sick joke" thread is valid debate.

Personal denigration of the debaters is not.

It is quite possible to declare that a person's opinion is unacceptable without personally attacking the person

The infractionator is warming up.

[Steam]

Take your PC bullshit elsewhere and continue voting labour
Oi! I was a Labour voter, now a Green voter, and I luurve sick jokes.

[Steam]

... and the love of GN250s is OK....


LOL! Can't give you bling for that one because "you must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudeCatMad again"

[hurricane_r]

Yea there are sick jokes in this thread.

But pedophilia & child torture is NOT a joke. Thats my point.

........... panzie

[Sniper]

........... panzie

Not here, not now, its been sorted...... :p

[imdying]

Awww Dad, she started it :rofl:

[onearmedbandit]

, now a Green voter, and I luurve sick jokes.

That shows.

[James Deuce]

Oi! I was a Labour voter, now a Green voter, and I luurve sick jokes.

I thought you like motorbikes?

[Quartermile]

Yea and another thing KATWYN:mad:........:mellow:..........sorry sniper:spanking:

[iwilde]

How about back to the sick jokes?

Here about the Irish rapist?

He ties his victims legs together.

Is that sick?, or just plain bad?

[Quartermile]

It could be so bad its sick?

[iwilde]

It could be so bad its sick?

Cool, so I still qualifiy to be in this thread!

[Steam]

Cool, so I still qualifiy to be in this thread!

You qualify for this thread by your sheer existence, Iwilde.

[iwilde]

You qualify for this thread by your sheer existence, Iwilde.

Mmmm, how I have to think weather thats a good thing or bad...

[Quartermile]

Well if you look at it like a Nigger you could be; 'one sick badass muthafuka':Punk:

[alley cat]

What does a female Maori say when she looses her virginity?




Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Fuckn brilliant!:Punk:

[placidfemme]

Q: whats the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A: When you take the meat out of the fridge it doesn't fart

~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What do women and fridges have in common?

A: They both leak when they are fucked

[placidfemme]

Some racist ones...

~~~

Every morning Little Johnny is walked to school by his maid, but one Friday morning the maid is busy getting ready for a big party that Johnny's mother is throwing, so she asks her son Tatenda, who is the same age as Johnny to walk him to school.

Tatenda and Johnny leave home and as they come up to the first main road, they cross without looking and are both hit by an 18 wheeler and die.

Next thing Johnny and Tatenda wake up and they are in a white room with a doorway leading into another room that says "God's Office" on it. A booming voice calls to Johnny so he gets up and enters the room.

God says to Johnny, "Johnny you've been a good boy all your life, here are some wings". Johnny gets all excited and says to God "God... am I an Angel?" and God replies "Yes Johnny your an angel".

Johnny flys out the room and flys around Tatenda saying "Look Tatenda God gave me wings... I'm an angel". Before Tatenda can respond the booming voice calls him in.

God says to Tatenda, "Tatenda you've been a good boy all your life, here are some wings". Tatenda gets all excited and says to God "God... am I an Angel?" and God replies "No Tatenda... your a flyl".

~~~

Q: Whats long black and smells?

A: The queue for WINZ

~~~

Q: What do you call 3 blacks going down a water slide at Waiwera?

A: Sewage

[mstriumph]

Oi! I was a Labour voter, now a Green voter, and I luurve sick jokes.

and i'm a hippy :mellow: ..... just don't know wat dover's on about ..........

[Qkchk]

Heard on the Radio this arvo:

Q. What do you do with a Jew that's got ADHD?

A. Send them to a Concentration Camp


One off the cellphone:
Why are Bra sizes measured in "ABCDEF" and not "123456"?
Coz,
A= As flat as a Airport Runway
B= Barely there
C= Comfortable
D= Damn good
E= Enormous
F= Fake

[scracha]

Lorax, you are telling distasteful jokes like this - and your profile says you are
a teacher?.......
These people telling these "jokes" have crossed the line.

Some of the sickest jokes I've ever heard were from my colleagues at school. Katwyn, are you a social worker or something that you believe the stuff you're saying? I'm part Irish and a wee bit ginger but can still laugh at jokes about drowning ginger babies.

[Daffyd]

What sort of file would you use to make a hole this size - o - become this size - O -?

















A paedophile!

[maybe]

Without reading the lot dont know if this has been written.

Whats the differance between a Catholic priest & a Pimple.

A pimple doesnt usaully come on your face till you are 13.

No offence to anyone intended.

[Quartermile]

Without reading the lot dont know if this has been written.

Whats the differance between a Catholic priest & a Pimple.

A pimple doesnt usaully come on your face till you are 13.

No offence to anyone intended.

Sick jokes generally offend someone or for some of these a lot of people, if they are offended easily they should take their sticky beak somewhere else:D

Besides saying sorry ruins things in some cases:D

[kevfromcoro]

jack comes home from work,,and heres the missus sitting on the back doorstep, with all her bags packed,jack hops out of the car and says ,wots going on..the missus says....iam leaving you.i heard a nasty rumor that you are a pedophile.hmmm says jack..pedophile.....thats a big word for a 7 yr old..

[Quartermile]

Hey mum where did your scabs go?

Shut up and eat your cornflakes

[MyGSXF]

What's the difference between a man & a toilet...???

A toilet won't follow you round once you've used it!! :Punk:

[Quartermile]

Mum I hate tomato soup
Shut up and eat it we only have it once a month:sick:

[Sniper]

What's the difference between a man & a toilet...???

A toilet won't follow you round once you've used it!! :Punk:

You have women and man round backwards...

[MyGSXF]

You have women and man round backwards...

I never mentioned the word 'woman'.... :bleh:

[paturoa]

whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?

A washiing machine wont follow you around after you dump your load in it.

[paturoa]

What time is it on Michael Jackson's clock when it is bed time?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

[Pushbike]

Sorry if soneone's already said it but:

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One's made of white plastic and dangerous for children to play with and the other rapes little boys.

[MoNk]

Hope these haven't been said.

Why is Prince Charles dick green?
Because he stuck it in Di.


What does a black man say before he makes love?
"If you scream bitch, i'll kill you".

[Nitzer]

What's the main cause of pedophilia?

sexy children

[Qkchk]

Why was Princess Diana always chaffered in a Mercedes?
Cause she wouldn't be seen dead in a Lada

Did you hear Princess Di was on the radio?
And the headrest and the dash...........

[Masterchop]

Whats worse than putting 12 oysters in ya grannys pussie?

Sucking out 13

[BNZ]

whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?



nothing? :innocent:

[MSTRS]

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

By this time, Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far."

[Macktheknife]

What is the definition of disgusting?
















licking your brothers cum off your grandmothers back while taking her up the arse.

[Nonbeliever]

What is the definition of disgusting?

















licking your brothers cum off your grandmothers back while taking her up the arse.

yeah but that can happen in the "heat of the moment"

[peasea]

What's blue and doesn't fit?
A smothered epileptic.

[Qkchk]

What is the definition of disgusting?



1. Two Siamese twins joined at the mouth, one spews.

2. Two gay men sitting in a bath full of snot sucking it up through a pair of dead man's underpants.

3. Santorum. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

[Skyryder]

I once won the sickest joke at a stag do. It was about a bloke who wanted to commit suicide so he goes to a bar and gets drunk and tells the barkeep that he wants to commit suicide. The bar keep tells the guy that he should sleep with his wife. Now the drunk thinks that this is a bit of all right. What better way to go than to 'fuck you self to death.' He goes into the barkeeps wife bedroom and see's this enormouse woman. Fat well you aint seen fat compared to this lady. Now being drunk he thinks that he can just mount the woman but she says no I want to be turned on and the best and quckest way is fellatio. That's muff diving to those who don't know. Anway our drunk is down amongst the pubes but unbeknown to him the husband is behind the wife with a belt around her waist pulling it as tight as he can. Remember the wife is hugely fat. When the husband has the belt as tight as he can pull it, the wife takes a knife and cuts the belt. Sound great with a blown balloon that makes a realy long rasberry.

Skyryder

[scracha]

I once won the sickest joke at a stag do. It was about a bloke who wanted to commit suicide so he goes to a bar and gets drunk and tells the barkeep that he wants to commit suicide. The bar keep tells the guy that he should sleep with his wife. Now the drunk thinks that this is a bit of all right. What better way to go than to 'fuck you self to death.' He goes into the barkeeps wife bedroom and see's this enormouse woman. Fat well you aint seen fat compared to this lady. Now being drunk he thinks that he can just mount the woman but she says no I want to be turned on and the best and quckest way is fellatio. That's muff diving to those who don't know. Anway our drunk is down amongst the pubes but unbeknown to him the husband is behind the wife with a belt around her waist pulling it as tight as he can. Remember the wife is hugely fat. When the husband has the belt as tight as he can pull it, the wife takes a knife and cuts the belt. Sound great with a blown balloon that makes a realy long rasberry.

Skyryder

Umm...either I don't get it or it's not funny?

[Macktheknife]

best and quckest way is fellatio. That's muff diving to those who don't know.

Skyryder

Well actually it's a blowjob, it's called cunnilingus when performed on a woman..... unless she has a dick!

[Skyryder]

Umm...either I don't get it or it's not funny?


What don't you get. There's a guy who wants to commit suicide. He has his head that close to the fanny. The wife is so fat and husband has a belt pulled up tight round her waist that tight her waist is so narrow and the belt gets cut.

Now think of the sound of a blown up balloon that has the neck pinched.

Use your imagination. It's an action joke. I'm no comedian but one guy pissed his pants.

I think the thread was on the definition of disgusting not on actually telling a joke.


I'd tell the one about the 'allmaknacker' bird that has not legs but that too is an action joke but I'm sure you can work it all out. It gets it's name from the sound the bird makes on landing.

Skyryder

[scracha]

What don't you get. There's a guy who wants to
Use your imagination. It's an action joke. I'm no comedian but one guy pissed his pants.


Must be a kiwi or American humour thing.

[miSTa]

What don't you get. There's a guy who wants to commit suicide. He has his head that close to the fanny. The wife is so fat and husband has a belt pulled up tight round her waist that tight her waist is so narrow and the belt gets cut.

Now think of the sound of a blown up balloon that has the neck pinched.

Use your imagination. It's an action joke. I'm no comedian but one guy pissed his pants.

Sorry I still don't get :confused: Obviously the joke is a little too complicated for some...:wacko:

[Hitcher]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

[Macktheknife]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

hahahahahahaha love this one hitcher! lol
Bling sent.

[scracha]

What's the height of achievement?

Two poofs walking down the road with a pram.

[MalcolmT]

What does George Michael and a pair of wellies have in common ?

They both get sucked off in bogs.

[miSTa]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.
Well if you fell that way inclined:

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says
"Whats with the long face then" ?

or perhaps:

The barman said - "are you a piece of string, we don't serve pieces of string"?
No I'm a frayed knot !

[NighthawkNZ]

two blonds walk into a bar...
you would have thought the second one would have ducked... ???

[Big Dog]

What is the definition of disgusting?
















licking your brothers cum off your grandmothers back while taking her up the arse.

Whats grosser than that?


Knowing it wasn't your fathers because you reconise the flavour.

[MyGSXF]

Why can't a lesbian use Natural Glow while she's on a diet..??




Because she can't eat Jenny Craig while she has Suzanne Paul on her face!! :gob:

[ceebie13]

talking of lesbians...

Q.What's the definition of confusion?
A.Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

[hhenry]

Great stuff. Keep it coming

[Quartermile]

1 post in 2 years mr hhenry and it's in here :(

[MazTLR]

What do elephants use for tampons

( a sheep )


Why have elephants got long trunks


( sheep have no string )


2 lepers in a cafe for a meal,
started having soup when one droped is spoon,
as he bent down to pick it up his head fell off,
the other one dipped his bread in his neck.

[WRT]

1 post in 2 years mr hhenry and it's in here :(

Don't hhassle the poor guy, hhe's got a stammer!

[Big Dog]

What do elephants use for tampons

Why do elephants have four feet?

Because four inches would never satisfy a female elephant.

[Spuds1234]

/Thread dig

How do you make a fruit cordial?

Talk nice to me.