Young death - Donations

[IdunBrokdItAgin]

Anika my condolences. Shite situation, hopefully things become easier over time. Alex seemed like a good sort from what I've read.

Donation made for both you and Conner.

[Dutchee]

Anika, I sent you a PM asking you to contact me for a phone number.
I've spoken to this person and told her what's up. She's away from tomorrow night until Tuesday, but willing to do a house-call in this situation, so you don't have to have transport.
Please take me up on the offer, seriously, she's been so much help to me (I know my situation and also know it pales in comparison to what you're going through but it's what I'm going through/have been through).
If anyone does have contact with Anika, can you just post she's okay.
I know suicidal, hell, I live with it daily and am often amazed I'm still here. I'm at the stage now where suicide is actually almost harder than living, but it's been a long road and thanks to a lot of love from some special people.
Michelle

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Just to clarify - I don't have Anika's address. My only contact has been via this forum.

P.

I know where she lives.

Wendy

[chanceyy]

Anika - I understand your at your parents home. girl and to Conner, draw on your families strength and their caring love to help you through the grief.

I know a number of ppl here really want to help and support you. I hope you take those ppl up on their offer, and feel free to keep posting.

[boman]

Yea please keep posting, at least we know you are ok, ish.

[Genestho]

Anika - I understand your at your parents home. girl and to Conner, draw on your families strength and their caring love to help you through the grief.

I know a number of ppl here really want to help and support you. I hope you take those ppl up on their offer, and feel free to keep posting.

Awesome, she is where she needs to be, and with her wee man too no doubt.

Anika. Thoughts are with you guys.

[Pedrostt500]

Donation made

[alexm]

guys, thank you so much for all the donations.its good not to feel alone. i relly am torn between wanting to raise my son myself instead of having my mum do it, and also the fact that I really just dont think i can carry on, nor want to anymore. i know some of u think im selfish but i thought i was going to marry the most wonderful man in the world, have our second child and grow old together. i never expected to be a widow with an 8 week old baby at 16.i must be invincible anyway 5 stress relief pills and 5 sleeping pills combined with alchohol and still disappointing to wake up. i know i have my son to live for but nothing with him is good anymore cause alex isnt there to see it, i love him but i need alex more

[Genestho]

guys, thank you so much for all the donations.its good not to feel alone. i relly am torn between wanting to raise my son myself instead of having my mum do it, and also the fact that I really just dont think i can carry on, nor want to anymore. i know some of u think im selfish but i thought i was going to marry the most wonderful man in the world, have our second child and grow old together. i never expected to be a widow with an 8 week old baby at 16.i must be invincible anyway 5 stress relief pills and 5 sleeping pills combined with alchohol and still disappointing to wake up. i know i have my son to live for but nothing with him is good anymore cause alex isnt there to see it, i love him but i need alex more

Nah mate, you're not selfish, it's natural. You gotta big job on, possibly the worst of your life. Everything seems overwhelming I bet.

Sounds silly but Bach Rescue Remedy is good for calming yourself, natural too, and it works!

Best thing you can do right now, is stick with friends and family, and let them help you
That little dude is a big part of your man, you wait till he grows, you'll see Alex in him, as hard as that sounds - you'll be glad you stuck it out.

[howdamnhard]

That little dude is a big part of your man, you wait till he grows, you'll see Alex in him, and be glad you stuck it out.

Yes Alex lives on through Connor . Connor is made up of half of you and Alex. You will see Alex in him as he grows. It is up to you to tell him about his dad. Alex will live on in your and Connors memories.
Let Connor be your inspiration to live. It is normal to feel pain and want to die to escape it but in reality it will not solve anything and will create more pain. No one truly knows if or what happens in the afterlife but what you do know for certain is that you have a son who is part of Alex who needs you.Everyone needs their mum. You are Connors world.
Think what Alex would do if he was in your situation. He would cherish Connor and make sure that he knew his mom was a very special person and that he never forgot that. Thats what you need to do with Connor for Alex.

Go easy on the pills they will cloud your judgement and only make the pain last longer. The pain will diminish with time but you will always remember them and miss them. You will also remember all the good things about them and they will live in you as long as you live. Stay close to loved ones and let their love surround and wash over you. Don't look inward but outward. Don't dwell to much on the pain, distract yourself by looking outwards and just getting on with daily living and caring for Connor. Take it in bite sized manageable chunks.Go back to it but when it threatens to overwhelm you look outward and pull back. You are in no way diminishing your love for Alex by doing this. Do this amongst loved ones.
Sorry this is a bit wordy and I'm not good with words but your family doesn't need another tradgedy and your son needs a mother and suicide is not what Alex would have wanted for you.

[Paul in NZ]

Look - please forgive me because I'm an old prick and I'm a bit short on time so I'll be a bit blunt...

You are 16 and you have had a shocking experience - think about this, ask yourself, if someone explained this situation to me describing someone else, what would i think?? Do you really think you are in a situation to make any decisions???

Like I said - I'm older than dirt and I have 3 daughters older than you but I tell you one thing I know for sure. At 19 you will be a different person than you are now, at 25 you will be different again and by 30 you will wonder what all the fuss is about... You are not fully made yet and if you pull the plug you will never know what you were going to be. Its one of lifes little jokes that at 16 we think we are done growing but at 40 you suddenly realise you never really stop.

I'm not one for telling folks what to do other than give it time......

[chanceyy]

Sorry this is a bit wordy and I'm not good with words but your family doesn't need another tradgedy and your son needs a mother and suicide is not what Alex would have wanted for you.

I think you worded it beautifully and spot on the money






If I could bling you again I would


yeah Paul funny how at 16 you think you know everything & when you do get to forty you realise you knew nothing

[PrincessBandit]

Look - please forgive me because I'm an old prick and I'm a bit short on time so I'll be a bit blunt...

....... I tell you one thing I know for sure. At 19 you will be a different person than you are now, at 25 you will be different again and by 30 you will wonder what all the fuss is about... You are not fully made yet and if you pull the plug you will never know what you were going to be. Its one of lifes little jokes that at 16 we think we are done growing but at 40 you suddenly realise you never really stop.

The truth in this post is immeasurable. I could not have put it better. Although you feel right at this terrible moment in time your life is over, it is not. It is most certainly never going to be the same again but please read Paul in NZ's post with an open heart and mind.

Hope to see you here in kb later today Anika.

[Mystic13]

Hi Anika,

There will be a few on here that know that space you're in right now. The overwhelming sense of numbness where there is a huge hole, a loss of understanding and it's a pretty traumatic space.

A lot of people are saying things like plan for the future or think about the family or plan for Connor. Right now I would say forget the big decisions. You're experiencing overwhelming grief and trauma.

What's happening is you're body and mind are in a state of shock and struggling to cope. I'd encourage you to focus on the small decisions, the shower, having a nibble, those sorts of things. It's kind of like when you're on the plane and they always say in an emergency when the oxygen mask pop's down "Take care of yourself first, once you have your mask on and you're breathing okay then deal with young ones".

Right now your loving family will look after Connor and let them.

The thing is you haven't just lost Alex, you've lost a soul mate, you've lost the way you connect each day, you've lost the whole future that your mind had mapped out. To me that's like major surgery and it's painful. Your body and mind are going to take some time to adjust and while it does only make little decisions until the fog has lifted then start making slightly bigger ones then bigger ones etc.

I'd like you to agree to only making small decisions. Does that make sense?You've told us about how you're struggling to do even basic things to look after yourself. You can probably get an idea that you're not in the space to make a big decision.

You have been talking about a big decision. The other night where you tried to make a big decision about suicide. I'd like to think Alex was there supporting you as he does in that way that only he can and helped keep you safe. Let that big decision go. It's not time for that. It's time for the small decisions right now.

So that means agreeing to keep yourself safe. Taking the time to make small decisions about eating and sleeping and looking after you.

When you get further along and you can start making bigger decisions you'll be able to think about that warm loving way Alex had, how he loved you and his son, what he would have done for you and for him. He sounds like someone very special.

You've had small things go wrong in your life in the past and as you look back at them now they seem much smaller, you don't remember the bad stuff so much as all the good stuff. That's what it will be like out the otherside where you'll still talk and connect with Alex and have his support as you go forward.

This is a challenging time and right now and I'd encourage you to keep making the small decisions and keep you safe.

There has been a lot of advice about making the big decisions on here including from those that have been in your space and maybe forgotten what it was like right there where you are now. When that oxygen masks drops down and you're struggling you need to focus on those small decisions of keeping you safe first.

I am really happy that Connor has a loving family. And when you keep making those small decisions and let your body adjust through this traumatic event you can start to think about things for him then, like what your new life is, or how you'll tell him all those special things about his Dad or how you'll see Alex in him in so many things he does. Those things are for another day.

With time you're body will adjust. How do I know that? Well there are many of us that have been through that experience and the human body and mind has a resilience. You've may have experienced that in a small way in the past where things didn't go as you planned or a friend moved away and this is a large version of that.

Take care, make the small decisions, stay safe and let go of the big stuff.

Love and hugs from our family.

[Genestho]

Yep agreed to the aboves, and something like this changes you from the person you may have been, to the person you'll become, which will be a strong and independant woman, and a great Mum.

Alex will be proud

You need to stay calm, make no decisions until you need to, aim for the funeral, make it the best sendoff and what he would've wanted. Then aim for the next thing.
Little goals to aim for make time move, and time is the only healer. It doesn't fix anything but you will feel better with time as unbelievable as that sounds right now.

Try to avoid too many pills and booze, as it will give you a false reality. And will make it all last a little longer. Then reality will bite.

Remember everyday is another day closer to the sun.

Yikes Mystics, the basics, food. I remember a friend following me round with a banana, "have you eaten, have you eaten" and making me sit down and eat it.

I agree I was hasty with the income thing. I saw the words no income, and thought I should suggest something, but it is too soon.

But at least it's there now.